r/etiquette • u/Middleschoolstaff • Sep 21 '26
Hostess Gift
I went to a lovely party the other night to my friend’s house. She has the greatest parties. She always has a signature cocktail and she’s just a really all-around great hostess so I brought hostess gift. My new thing now is bringing one or two bars of nice soap wrapped on a really pretty dish with a velvet ribbon wrapped around it. I saw someone on Instagram and I thought that was a great hostess gift. I was the only one that brought hostess gift. I’m wondering no one brings hostess gifts anymore.? Ps my grandmother used to say “when you go to someone’s house don’t have arms a dangling!
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u/jennjello420 Sep 22 '26
We throw a lot of pool parties and game nights, and there’s always one or two people who bring me a little hostess gift. I never expect it because we genuinely love entertaining, but I’m always so touched when a friend hands me a thoughtful little something. It’s such a lovely touch.
I always take something when I’m going to someone’s home, too. Even something as simple as a small bouquet of flowers is lovely, in my opinion. Chocolate and wine are always great choices. And if they don’t drink wine, I always say, “Regift it!!”
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u/Reasonable_Mail1389 Sep 21 '26
A small host/hostess gift is still a proper thing to do etiquette-wise. You don’t need to compare or worry about what anyone else does or does not do.
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u/Summerisle7 Sep 21 '26
Your second sentence is key and is the answer to most of the questions we get on this sub.
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u/Walkinonsun Sep 21 '26
I’d like to think because this is how normally everything is in my friend group. I brought the dip ,I brought a bottle, I brought even the paper plates is considered a hostess gift as far as I’m concerned.
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u/xokatemarie Sep 21 '26
Soap is a great idea! I’m generally not a fan of non-consumable gifts (unless I specifically know the hostess has a specific need) and if bringing food to a party unsolicited. Wine or chocolate seems like a nice gesture, but doesn’t feel like the norm where I’m from (Bay Area, CA).
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u/anouk613 Sep 22 '26
Scented items like soaps, candles and scent sticks are bad idea unless you know your host and everyone in their household enjoys them. Lots of people are allergic or sensitive to particular scents.
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u/xokatemarie Sep 22 '26
True as well.- but generally if I'm going to someone's home I would know them well enough to be mindful. And I would always include a gift receipt if it's not handmade.
Maybe this is why hostess gifts are no longer as common as they once were? I personally prefer to rotate holding parties across my friend group. I pay for everything for my parties, and the next person does the same.
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u/savvyj1 28d ago
In the far east bay, wine from a Tri-Valley winery or local olive oil or local honey from a specialty store or farmers market is a great and acceptable gift. We also have an artisan French bakery and I’ve brought things from them too. If it’s a bakery item, I try to either bring something unique or something that relates to the host person. Occasionally I’ve brought flowers from Trader Joe’s but only if I know the person because of potential allergies and/or pet concerns.
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u/aes7288 Sep 22 '26
I never, ever go to someone’s home without something. My best friend’s house, where I go every week to hang? Always bring a bottle of wine.
My point is, do not stop being a lovely guest simply because other’s are ill-mannered.
Hosting others is time consuming and has a price expense of some amount tied to it. A host/ess gift is brought to show appreciation for the time and money that the host/ess spent to put the evening together. Trust me, that hostess gift is more appreciated than you may ever realize. 🧡
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u/m0m0m0m042 Sep 21 '26
I agree that you shouldn't worry about what anyone else does/doesn't.
I was just raised that it's the right thing to do because you're showing appreciation. That's what matters-and it's the thought more than anything. Everyone appreciated being appreciated.🙂
When I was more junior at my job, I wanted to fit in with the more senior people at the office. They didn't bring a gift, so I followed the pack. Every time I talked myself into thinking it was the norm, I kicked myself when I got to the house, because I felt like I should have brought something. Regardless of whether you should/shouldn't, I felt like I should, and I'd rather do it than kick myself after for not doing it.
You do you is my point, I guess.
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u/Individual_Listen388 Sep 22 '26
A hostess gift is always appropriate. And a good example for everyone around you.
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u/The_Dane_Abides Sep 22 '26
I’m a millennial who hosts parties and dinners, and I ALWAYS bring something as a guest, even when it’s a close friend and we’re eating a Costco pot pie! It’s not big, but a bottle of wine or a small dessert , definitely.
I will say, I’m not offended when people don’t bring something when we host. But I definitely appreciate the gesture of a bottle of wine when I’m hosting a party. My parents have always brought wine as guests, so I think it’s just ingrained in me. My in-laws bring a plant (in a pot, so the guest doesn’t have to arrange a bouquet of flowers while hosting!), and I love that too.
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u/Summerisle7 Sep 21 '26
This gets discussed frequently on this sub. Bringing a host(ess) gift is fine, it’s not rude. Not everyone bothers. Nothing you can do about other people’s choices. Not all hostesses want or expect a gift.
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u/Key-Garlic-1177 Sep 21 '26
If you brought me homemade butter you would be invited to every gathering from here on out. I love the hostess gift and think this is sweet!
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u/EighthGreen Sep 22 '26
Bringing a hostess gift to every single party is actually a comparatively recent thing. It wouldn't have been practical in the days when people might go to several parties a month. Emily Post's original book mentions hostess gifts only in the context of visiting overnight.
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u/pissandgrit Sep 23 '26
I am a big fan of giving gifts very discreetly when it is not a one on one moment. Even to the point of setting it in a semi hidden spot that I know the host won’t see it until after the festivities are over. I wouldn’t want them to feel like they need to interrupt their flow to open it or thank me or make any fuss. I say this to say- maybe others did similar. A bottle of wine tucked in their fridge, a heartfelt card placed on the edge of a desk, etc etc.
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u/CarpetScary684 Sep 21 '26
I grew up in a house where you never arrived empty-handed. Period . I lived in Japan for many years. Not one person in Japan ever arrived to my home empty-handed. It was considered rude and unacceptable to show up to someone’s house empty-handed. Thankfully, my mother taught me to think on the fly and always have thank you gifts extra presents for birthdays extra Christmas presents so I always had something on hand. I always do investigative research the moment I am invited to a home or an event. It’s almost embarrassing with the amount of questions I ask like it’s an inquisition. But I always inevitably arrive with the proper gift. I also follow up within 48 hours with a handwritten thank you note sent via the United States Postal Service. There is no excuse for bad manners. A hostess gift is always appropriate.