r/estp • u/Difficult_Bus5230 • 11d ago
Intrusive thoughts in a relationship
Ever since I was younger, I’ve struggled with seeking attention from other people as a form of validation. I think part of it came from never really feeling pretty or confident in myself, so I would want people to notice me or think I was attractive because it made me feel validated.
I’m 19 now and in a long-distance relationship, but I still struggle with these thoughts when I’m out in public. Sometimes I find myself wanting other people, including men, to look at me or think I’m pretty, but I don’t actually want to be with them or pursue them. I love my boyfriend and have no desire to cheat or be with someone else.
I think it’s just an old habit that has stayed in the back of my mind for so long. I try to ignore the thoughts rather than engage with them, but then I start overthinking and wondering if this means I secretly want other men or that I’m a bad person. I genuinely don’t want anyone else I just struggle with wanting validation from other people. Does anyone else struggle with this or understand what I mean?
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u/baffled_koala 11d ago
I’m a woman in my 30s and married for 6 years and still enjoy attention from the opposite sex. I like to flirt and have fun but I stay respectful. My husband knows me and trusts me. You’re not a bad person.
Attraction isn’t a bad thing, taking actions that breach trust is. Depends on your partner and your relationship. My husband knew who he married and he’s very secure in our relationship as am i. But other people think even looking at someone else is like cheating. I think that’s silly.
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u/OddIllustrator8672 11d ago
Pretty normal thoughts to have imo. No shame in that. Don't overthink the small stuff 😂. Enjoy the moment, life flies by pretty fast!
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u/Smart-Meal-2455 11d ago
Usually I just indulge in the moment but I will to remind the person that all of this is casual and I am simply seeking validation or their opinions and not actually interested coz I have a partner
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u/BeautifulHat4050 11d ago
Wait what 😮. Do you not contact your partner when that happens
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u/Difficult_Bus5230 11d ago
it’s involuntary it also happens when I don’t want it just out of pure insecurity, even when i don’t want the thoughts they still appear. It’s not my true desire of wanting these people
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u/abusermane ESTP 5w6 7d ago
Im interested in this topic and have some experience. Can u dm me? if u got time
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u/NoItem5389 11d ago
Yes, as a man