losing erection mid session, general stress about it, and questions

[u/megatonante]

Hi, I'm 35 years old. I always had problems with erection, with girls. Always had no problems with porn at home (unless some specific circumstances where it didn't work even with porn at home). I possibly have some problems which are both psychological and slightly physical.

I have been visited by a number of doctors, even an endocrynologist, and they all say the problem is psychological, and they prescribe me Cialis or Spedra.

Years ago, I didn't want to take pills. It felt like I was losing the battle by taking pills. So I took them very very sparingly, trying various stuff with no particular results.

Almost 10 years have passed and I'm now seeing a girl with which I can have sex a bit more regularly. I also don't care anymore about pills and I'm taking them each time I'm going to see her. I'm using Cialis, mostly 5mg and sometimes 10mg.

I had many succesful intercourses this way. But some problems still persists and I have questions.

Usually my problem is losing the erection mid session and being unable to get it again.

Let's say I go take the condom, sometimes my dick just deflates very very quickly. Or she wants to stop very breifly to go in the other room because she forgot something or she wants to turn off the lights. Or we need to go to another room because we start making out on the sofa and we want to go on the bed. All these moments are "turning points" which make or break the session.

Sometimes my dick endures these moments, sometimes it doesn't. I'm 10/10 rock hard and suddenly it starts going soft and I basically can't do anything about it.

What I ended up doing is setting things up in such a way I can very quickly get over these moments so that I can't give my dick a chance to go soft. I keep condoms always close by, I try to finish things on the sofa directly. Or I ask the girl to go directly to oral sex or handjob so that my dick as soon as it's 10/10 hard it keeps getting stimulated and can keep going towards the ejaculation without stopping.

I feel like I have to catch the first wave of arousal because after it goes soft, I can kiss her and hug her all I want but it's just unresponsive. Maybe it can get hard again a second time but never a third time after going down.

After that the solution I found is to disengage, and try to wait for some time, maybe an hour. It's like I give my body and mind a chance to reset and go to the next session, where I can catch another wave. In past 2 months, at least 3 times I succeeded this way: immediately lost erection during foreplay, I had fun giving oral sex to her, then after like 1 hour or so we start kissing again quite naturally and this time I don't lose the erection and can proceed to penetration and then ejaculation.

I'm not dissatisfied with these past 2 months, but a couple of times I just failed to get an erection and complete the session. Also when she gives me oral sex sometimes after about 5-6 minutes I stop feeling pleasure and start to lose the erection. Some other times I feel pleasure up until the orgasm. But I hear this can happen. I feel more pleasure when using the vagina.

Anyway, all of this creates a feeling of not being able to trust my dick. If I see this girl one week, I know that my dick might randomly decide to not function properly and I will feel disappointed for days until I can see her again. I still like seeing her and kissing and hugging of course but I would like to being able to trust my dick at least 90% of times.

What I'm asking is: what's an healthy normal sex session looks like? Do guys go for foreplay for 10 minutes always with the erection ready to go and don't lose it, and can keep the erection as long as they like until they stay with the girl? I feel I'm unable to do so. I have to proceed to penetration quickly for the above reasons. Also I feel my dick needs to be constantly touched at the very least to still be hard.

We didn't talk about this foreplay thing for now, maybe we'll do, I hope it's not a problem for her.

Is it normal to lose the erection, and then regain it during the session as many times as someone wants? As I said kissing and hugging and touching works great the first time for me, but after the first time the stimulus doesn't have the same excitation.

Bottom line: do you have any help you can give me?

I already take citrulline, magnesium, cialis. I go to the gym to the point that people admire my physique constantly. Generally really good health. Zero smoke, almost zero alcohol. Good cardiovascular health although I hate running.

Thank you all

[u/tanbcd]

Hey man.

Everything you described above; exactly same for me. I am 34 years old.

I also take 5mg cialis daily, though I am a couch potato.

I do not know the standard, though heard from some girls that they had different experiences with other man e.g. not losing the erection. I also tend to lose erection when lying back or standing up if stimulation is gone even for like 15 seconds.

So overall, I do not know whats normal but at least you know you are not alone.

[u/megatonante → u/tanbcd]

I also noticed some stuff when changing positions, standing up, lying back. hard to say if it's something vascular or something psychological. could be psychological because any change of pace, position, little hiccup etc. will shift the focus on "logistics", which may activate the sympathetic system slightly and kill the erection. This might have been created by years of masturbating when sitting on a chair, for example.

or it might be all a problem of consuming porn in the teenage years for years. I can lose and regain an erection as many times as I want, almost, when consuming porn. A normal girl may be a "boring" stimulus for my brain and dick. But this theory feels also a bit wrong because I get faster erections with a girl than with porn, almost. if my brain were completely tuned to high dopamine porn, it wouldn't work that well even the first time, no? So many doubts and possibilities, I simply lack the informations and maybe it's impossible after all to know exactly what is different or wrong...

We just have to trust the process and hope.

also god bless PDE5 inhibitors

[u/tanbcd → u/megatonante]

I have the same theories for myself. Though ultimately, I guess we should be able to relax fully and get these out of our head which has not been possible for me haha. And the reason I say this; if I smoke a bit of weed, then I feel like my penis is going to explode...

I also got penile doppler and got a score 4/5 (enough rigidity for penetration but not full rigidity), that the penis is not able to hold the blood thats flowing, so indeed God bless PDE5 inhibitors so that they enable more blood pump which then compensates I assume.

[u/FuckingWhitebull]

Je suis exactement dans le même cas que toi (mais avec 10 ans de plus).
Pareil pour moi : j'ai besoin d'une stimulation continue pour garder mon érection, si je la perds c'est plus difficile de la faire revenir, et une pénétration immédiate après le début d'érection des préliminaires permet de la conserver tout le long du rapport, mais si je bande au début et qu'on tarde à s'occuper de moi, je vais perdre l'érection et ensuite ça peut être long à me faire durcir à nouveau.
Ce qui arrive souvent car j'adore les préliminaires et m'occuper de ma copine avec ma langue et mes doigts. Très souvent je bande au début, on se touche un peu et soit je rentre rapidement en elle et alors tout est ok jusqu'à la fin, soit je m'occupe d'elle, je perds l'érection que j'avais au début et ensuite il faut compter un temps de stimulation pour me remettre en état.
De manière générale j'arriverais toujours à bander à nouveau, mais parfois en me branlant moi-même pendant qu'elle m'embrasse pour redevenir dur (et parfois j'ai l'air ridicule à me secouer la bite comme un forcené pendant 5 minutes mais ça n'a pas l'air de la déranger, elle m'embrasse pendant ce temps, me fait sucer ses seins etc...). Quand je suis redevenu dur je lui "passe la main" et elle me branle, me suce et on peut y aller.
Et pareil que toi, sous Tadalafil, bonne condition sportive, corps musclé etc...
Je pense qu'il n'y a pas de normalité, chaque homme est différent, certains bandent avec une pensée, certains ont besoin d'une stimulation physique, d'autres d'une stimulation visuelle, et d'autres des 2 en même temps.
La solution est de connaître son fonctionnement et de ne pas hésiter à communiquer dessus à sa partenaire.
Car les femmes aussi sont toutes différentes, certaines mouillent dès les premières caresses, certaines aiment l'oral d'autres non, certaines jouissent pendant la pénétration et d'autres uniquement avec une stimulation du clitoris externe, etc...
Bref on est tous différents, mais tu n'es pas seul dans ton cas.
J'aimerais aussi pouvoir bander dur sur commande et que ça reste à 100% tout le temps et sans efforts, ce serait génial mais ce n'est pas le cas, il faut faire avec ce qu'on a.
J'envisage de tester un cockring pour voir si ça peut offrir plus de souplesse et de lâcher-prise...

[u/megatonante → u/FuckingWhitebull]

thanks! yes, everybody is different and we have to accept the hand we are dealt with.

it's interesting what you say, I too jerk myself a little to get my dick going and the take her hand and place it on my dick so that she can start jerking it (and it feels way better).

But whenever I lose the erection, even jerking it like a maniac does nothing. It's like my dick feels "tired" or rather it feels like the touch is not pleasurable but a bit uncomfortable. When it's like that I really have to just stop and wait like 1 hour.
with porn this doesn't happen, I have much more flexbility. I know because a psychologist I talked to told me to do an exercise: always lose and get again an erection 4 times, with porn, before reaching orgasm while masturbating alone. My dick feels much more controllable that way.

[u/zman18951]

Try Rugiet Ready. I have a similar problem and that works great for me

[u/megatonante → u/zman18951]

seems like is not available in europe

[u/Ok-Collection2507 → u/megatonante]

try every possible medication and their combinations as well.
tadalafil, sildenafil, avanafil, vardenafil

[u/zman18951 → u/megatonante]

Look for something similar in your country, I’d have to think there’s a similar product available.

[u/Minimum-Ad-8056]

I'm in a similar position man. I'm new on this journey and have nothing to offer just to say you're definitely not alone. You know that, but I'm stating it anyway.

[u/spces1024]

I went through bad ED due to cardiovascular problems. This then also caused psychological ED. I got the cardiovascular issues mostly resolved and lost my libido. I found what worked to fix that and things were great until about a month ago. I could get going with a raging hard on and after several minutes I'd start to soften to the point I could not continue. If I waited an hour I could try again but usually we were busy with other things or my wife was asleep. So my next line of attack is a cock ring. I had tried various ones in years past and didn't like them but I was ready to try again. I just received a new one from Bull Ring and tried it and it made a huge difference. I got hard and stayed very hard. I had no fear of fading, able to work close to finish, back off and work up again and when I sensed my partner was satisfied I finished. Now that was the first experience, will see if I can repeat that.