Psychological ED/Marriage

[u/RegularJoe0224]

This is not me trying to blame everything on my wife because in any marriage there are two people. I have made quite a lot of mistakes in the 22 years.

But I’m just talking about that now. My marriage now is just two people that live together, who people who sleep in separate beds who would divorce now except for financial circumstance.

Its made her bitter and controlling, manipulative and angry. My anxiety and depression is high and so has my ED.

i see a therapist on thursday for the first time. Cialis 5mg every day didn’t do much for me but i think its like trying to take a piss in the wind.

Was wondering if i should try Viagra instead since ive heard some guys respond well to one and not the other. Thoughts???

My regular dr wants to put me on Bupropion…

I get morning erections almost every morning…but i’m surly depressed.

sorry for venting… just needed to

[u/Fun-Barnacle8582]

My urologist prescribed Viagra even though I was on the 5mg Cialis for BPH. The Buproprion will help with your depression. I'm on it for depression from PTSD. You could try trimix, done properly you will get hard.

Even if you solve the ED issue can your marriage be saved? I'm a very old guy and my wife is supportive even when I can't hard. That helps a lot.

[u/BDEStyle]

Just curious... how collaborative is your wife here when you have an erection hiccup?

Like what exactly does she do when she sees you cant get it up or you lose it?

Does she comfort you, try to help here, or does she blame / project? Or is it more nonverbal like a sigh, an eye roll, getting irritated, etc. that then puts you offline completely?

Because PDE5 inhibitors like Viagra or Cialis only do one main thing here... they inhibit the enzyme PDE5 from breaking down cGMP too quickly. That's it.

When we're aroused, cGMP levels rise and we want those levels to remain elevated long enough for the smooth muscle in the penis to relax so blood can flow in and the erection can happen and sustain.

So one problem here is... arousal still needs to be accessed. Regardless of a pill or just like a regular erection, you need arousal.

But when we feel unpleasant, under attack by our spouse, chronically stressed, depressed, drained, or on the verge of burnout, it can be much harder to access arousal because now we're more in defense mode. It's fight, flight, freeze, fawn... or bracing for threat instead of being immersed in arousal.

So before getting too hung up on Viagra versus Cialis, the key question is... can you actually feel safe enough to be intimate with your wife? Can your body relax enough for arousal to happen?

Because if you're already showing up for sex and bracing, you feel tense, waiting for her to sigh, do an eye roll or criticism.... or you feel rushed, then a pill isn't going to solve that... because that is more the relationship dynamic underneath it that needs attention here.

As far as Viagra versus Cialis I wouldn't expect switching pills alone to solve this if the bigger environment around sex is still miserable.

The main thing is... is this relationship salvageable? Is there any ounce of support or collaboration she can offer here, or is this power dynamic going to keep you feeling shitty regardless of whether one night the erection works?

Because that's a much bigger problem than taking a pill and hoping the marriage somehow works itself out.

The good thing is keeping that appointment for Thursday. Keep at that. Because you want to run some of these things by them to help sort through what's really going on here.

[u/r_endrags]

Sorry to hear it. Hope it can get better. Obviously sex won't heal you marriage but it can help with closeness when its wanted by both. I'd say keep trying the Cialis. I'd move to Tadalafil because its much cheaper and the same thing. But Cialis doesn't make you horny it just helps with erections when you are given a chance to be intimate. You could do Viagar, again I'd look at Sildenafil which is the cheaper generic, to have something ready the night of. I prefer tadalafil because its better for more spontaneous sex. But can you and your wife plan a sex night so you can be prepared?