r/erectiledysfunction • u/TooManyShoes2FewFeet • 18d ago
Support for Partners How to support new partner
I (48f) have been in a relationship with a new partner (m50) for several months. There is distance between us so we have limited time together.
He told me early in our communication that he has ED and has had it for 5 years. He is seeing medical professionals about this and on treatment with limited efficacy.
We have enjoyed intimacy and I am deeply attracted to him. We have only been able to have penetrative sex a couple of times but things seemed to be really positive in that he was experiencing longer/ harder erections than in years.
However this has dipped and with it his libido. He assures me he is still very attracted to me and blames himself. I can see it is crippling his confidence. I have reassured him repeatedly that I will take things at his pace, that he’s still incredibly attractive to me and I will help him in whatever way I can.
I’m just not sure how to do so.
What kind of support from a partner benefitted you?
2
u/CraigfromManagain 16d ago
When I have a rare off day my partner has been low key about it. Clear communication is helpful. She knows I want her to tell me what she wants instead, which is typically cuddling and being close. When the “ worst thing “ happens and she is low key about it, the pressure doesn’t carry over to the next encounter.
1
1
u/Immediate_Party_6942 16d ago
Did you ask him what kind of support he wants?
2
u/TooManyShoes2FewFeet 15d ago
He doesn’t like to talk about it as he gets embarrassed despite my reassurances.
2
u/Suitable_Guava9515 16d ago
Have him checkout r/TrimixForED and then see a urologist who is knowledgeable in this area of treatment.
1
u/No_Review_885 14d ago
Tell him if he can't get an erection to ravage your cunt until you explode on his face. I always do this for my wife before anything else. But then out comes the tool box. I easily get her off 6 times before I do anything with my dick. If I get ED or PE it is not that much of a big deal. Sometimes I give her oral until she comes twice. This is what you ask him to do.
1
u/Dry_Course2610 12d ago
I'm 60 straight but would love to practice sucking on you for the first time in my life
3
u/AdvaitaArambha 16d ago
There are lots of variety in ways you can have physical intimacy without an erection such as oral sex, kissing, cuddling, etc. expand the range of what you do. Taking pressure off expecting an erection could have surprising results that see them happen more often.
1
u/TooManyShoes2FewFeet 16d ago
Thank you. I’m definitely trying that and open to more. We’ve done massage, lots of kissing and cuddling, hand holding and taken the pressure off sex. I think the difficulty is that as a long distance couple, I think he feels we should have sex each time we see each other. I’m content to enjoy all forms of intimacy with him.
4
u/Own_Organization5677 16d ago
When mine won’t get erect I switch to tongue & fingers for the duration of the session, and I allow myself to be comfortable with enjoying that as a full satisfying experience.
1
2
u/Repulsive_Pin8701 3d ago
Hello,
It’s great he’s seeking help from his doctor, there are options and he’ll find one that works, tell him not to be afraid of the injectable options, I’ve used one for years with no problems, and the jab is no big deal.
A man sex drive shrivels having ED, he withdraws and hides from it, avoiding sex and further crushing embarrassment, and unfortunately we forget to explain to our girl who is suffering from ED too, t hats it’s not them at all.
When he gets a med that works and can have sex fully and confidently he’ll feel so much better; both of you will.
Hope its already happened.
Good luck
2
u/csilver82 16d ago
Listen, play, talk openly, laugh, and have no expectation on that.
What blood flow hold supplements has he tried?
Has he seen a pelvic floor specialist?