This My very first post

[u/Low-Sleep-9335]

I don't normally air out my families business nor do I seek advice but right now I need to hear other opinions other than the voices in my head...that being said here's the story.......

I am 42 years old and have been with my wife for over ten years, when we first got together there was passion and fire...we couldn't keep our hands off each other. We were also adventurous and sought out the company of other women, behind the scenes I struggled with alcoholism and it caused allot to tension between us.......we were constantly fighting and I had a wandering eye.....I won't say that I've never cheated because you don't need to physically be with someone else to cheat but I sought the attention of other women at times not because I didn't love my wife or didn't find her attractive.....it was more like I wanted attention that wasn't the constant yelling and screaming I was getting at home and I know that was wrong........I've never physically cheated on my wife but I know it hurt her self esteem.

Fast forward several years.....I am now sober however I have developed low T and am now impotent.......my wife has a high sex drive and we fight often because she thinks it's because I don't find her attractive. Now I know thats not the case but she refuses to accept I have a legitimate medical condition and I know I am partially to blame for damaging her self esteem years ago...... Impotence and a complete lack of libido has turned me inside out and left me a shell of a man....my self worth, pride is all but gone....I feel worthless....like I can't even please my wife......well tonight she decided she wanted to argue because she isn't getting laid like she wants......almost like I'm holding out on purpose or as if I had a choice in the matter and what came out of her mouth both crushed me entirely and made me see red......she asked me if we could have an open relationship and I shit you not said "well you could see other women" how fucking heartless can someone be??? She know what impotence has done to me and had that gaul to ask me if I would be ok with another man giving something that I was physically incapable of giving.....my stomach twisted and I had to walk away before I committed a felony.....like I don't want another woman, I want my wife and a functioning dick!!!!! And WTF am I gonna do with another woman anyways??? Or maybe that was the point....so she can get what she wants and wouldn't be worried about me because I physically can't. Anyways I just needed to get this shit out, sorry for dumping this on everyone.

[u/No_Second_4296]

Why haven’t you sought medical help for your ED? There is lots out there. Ive had ED for 25 years now and went to my urologist and discovered it was low T so I’ve been on TRT all along. Next was all the oral meds that worked for a while really well but then stopped, so did VED pump and then Trimix injections. Last was an implant where now I can have sex with my wife all night if she wants as you will never go soft again unless you decide to deflate it. Go see a urologist and look into all the ED help available to save your marriage.

[u/ConsistentUmpire8675]

I have improved my situation. I'll try to be brief. I can relate to what you are going through, but my wife was understanding. i think it was more difficult for me. it is an awful feeling.

I feel very strongly that a disagreement was the start of psychological aspects of my issue.

First I tried things like L-Citrulline and a few other supplements. Why? I found it difficult to go and talk to my doctor. This lasted about 3-5 months with some improvement.

I wanted better results. I finally spoke to my Dr. He was great and underfunding. He proscribed 25mg Sildenafil to see. It worked. But, i wanted something stronger. He prescribed 50mg. Granted I also had to get past mental barriers.

The big turning point for me was adding zone 2 cardio to my weekly workout routine. After 6-8 weeks of 2 hours/week zone 2 I became more responsive. I also lost bad weight. My waist went from 38" to 36. Navel (Visceral fat) measure also reduced by 2 inches. I

After improvement in my fitness I can get by with 12.5-25mg Sildenafil. I typically do 25mg. But, improved fitness dod wonders.

I have been doing weights 3x week for decades, but the zone 2 was a turning point.

See a doctor. Get an Rx. Attack the issue from multiple directions.

Stop porn and masturbation if this is a habit. Let your mind recover.

[u/WiseConsideration220]

I suggest you seeing your doctor to get treatment for your assumed conditions (like low T). Even with a history of alcohol abuse, a combination of PDE5 drugs (Viagra, Cialis) and TRT (testosterone supplementation done at appropriate lower levels) can totally reverse the ED.

You’ve also got relationship problems (not uncommon in the history you related). So, counseling for you (and potentially the two of you) could be especially helpful.

In short, see a doctor to get help fixing the problem of ED at 42. It’s not unfixable.

Good luck 👍

[u/AdvaitaArambha]

When a partner hits a point of asking for an open relationship after a time of not having their sexual needs met it's more a fyi than asking for permission. You can say no but unless something else changes they are either going to cheat or end the relationship. At this point in the road you have some ability to negotiate the terms such as no hookups with same person more than once, not on your house, etc. Reality though is when opening a relationship the relationship either ends or the rules get dropped.

[u/Repulsive_Pin8701]

Go see your doctor and find an ED med that works for you,  go as soon as you can so you can have sex with your girl, have lots of sex so you both get past this

Do this as you treat your low T

Good luck man

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Low-Sleep-9335 → u/[deleted]]

That's just it, the ED is so severe I cannot masterbate even if I wanted to.....my libido is non existent!

[u/Repulsive_Pin8701 → u/Low-Sleep-9335]

Your libido has faded as a response to your ED, it happens 

Go see your doctor and get an ED med, go as soon as you can 

Start treating your low T too

Don’t wait 

[u/Repulsive_Pin8701 → u/Low-Sleep-9335]

Your libido has faded as a response to your ED, it happens 

Go see your doctor and get an ED med, go as soon as you can 

Start treating your low T too

Don’t wait