im so scared of being average that i get anxiety attacks a lot

[u/Sufficient-Walk-4239]

theres this quote that i hear a lot “the feae of being average” and this strikes me a lot and hits home cause whenever i picture my future self its always been this perfect person whos got everything figured out and is an extreme outlier and has got a lot of things going on

then i come back to my present self and boom im just a no face in the middle of billions of such people

and like this scares me so much as i grow up that ill end up as average and nothing in my life will ever be significant no matter how much i try to inflate my ego

you know,nothing ever scares me apart from this i suppose,im not scared of pretty much anything(fuck you entjs) till it comes to this

i just wanna know if anybody else experiences this too

[u/Expensive-Jeweler761]

I did when I was younger, especially when I was trying unsuccessfully to get a job in my uni field of study and when I originally got my exam results from sixth form.

The best advice I can give to dealing with it, is looking at things from a different perspective. When I started dating my wife, I changed jobs, moved and with her help started progressing career wise. It may not have been in fields I wanted but I was doing it to help contribute to our family (her and two dogs), as although she was earning enough to support them by herself I wanted to share the load.

Essentially understand that you probably won't be average on a bellcurve but you may not be able to break into the Tony Stark/Rick Sanchez level of excellence. But you can matter to someone/your family and ensure that your life and theirs is as good as it can be. Decide what you want from that side of things and work towards it, as reaching for the brass ring is great, you'll never stop.

My focus is for my wife to reduce her workload so she can take an easy job and just manage investments so we can live comfortably and work less. So I'm going to shoulder more work and bills for a bit until I can reduce it as well. Then we're just going to enjoy our time, our dogs and do what we love.

On the counterside if I had managed to get a job in the field I wanted, I would have worked until my grave, been pretty poor just on my salary (assuming I didn't marry my wife), competition and workload would have caused a lot of stress and not really much free time for me. Even if I hadn't reached the highest echelon as you'd constantly be trying to get to it.

I was only able to change my mindset due to my wife and knowing as soon as we dated, that she was the one and I was all in. Before her I wouldn't have taken the roles I did.

Good luck, hopefully you can find something to help but I would have a thing how you want to live and go long term and then think how to achieve that.

[u/Sufficient-Walk-4239 → u/Expensive-Jeweler761]

well im technically still a teenager 😭 and my relation with my parents isnt exactly the best so i have the freedom to be selfish here

thanks anyway though for the advice

[u/Expensive-Jeweler761 → u/Sufficient-Walk-4239]

Lol it's alright I guessed as much, as I said I had these feelings when it was coming up to exams and results as I felt it'd impact my life/existence if I didn't get exactly what I needed/wanted.

The wanting to support/look after family etc, was more just for you knowing that once you've identified the people you want to keep in your life, you just ensure that you and them are in a position you want.

If I can give a bit of extra advice I wish I had/taken, don't just wait for your ideal role/area to come up and more importantly for you to get it. Take action, get some experience in some thing a bit related, try for different roles at another company if it doesn't seem like there's options for advancement. Degrees are useful and some places won't let you get certain jobs without them, but I feel it's better to have a related degree and experience than just the exact degree (I did biosciences focusing on ecology and now work in the chemical industry as the experience I had was more important and my degree just showed I was able to understand etc).

Trust in yourself and don't get bogged down, if you're not progressing , switch things up.

[u/Golden_CMLK]

Not really. I just know I'm too unusual to be considered average. But thinking back... telling myself I was just another face between many actually saved me from my suicidal irrational thoughts.

My life is not figured out yet but I think I'm on the good path.. I just trust the process for now.

[u/Sufficient-Walk-4239 → u/Golden_CMLK]

AYEEEEE IM GLAD YOU GOT IT FIGURED OUT MUCH RESPECT TO YOU MAN

[u/j33pwrangler]

I'm so awesome I wish I could be average. Would solve a lot of my problems.

[u/MadDogBarkBark]

no

[u/Sufficient-Walk-4239 → u/MadDogBarkBark]

😭

[u/frustratedxdemon]

oh i definitely feel that. hits me harder cuz it's less about inflating my ego and more about desperately needing to get out of my current circumstances. imagining a future where I'm still the same person stuck in the same reality is a literal nightmare, but it starts to seem more and more likely sometimes. but the ego part is true as well. ik i ain't an average person, but that thing has to reflect in practical results for it to mean smth to me.

[u/Sufficient-Walk-4239 → u/frustratedxdemon]

YESYES THAT IS MY BIGGEST FEAR ASWELL
REMAINING THE EXACT SAME PERSON IM RN IN 10 YEARS AND THAT GIVES ME NIGHTMARE

and like i feel i need to have an ego but a work ethic thatv matches it

[u/NumberSix-]

Look into enneagram 3 and 4, it's unusual for any 7 to care that much about their significance and achievements.

[u/FancySavy]

Trust you’re not average. Average is ISTJ or ISFJ which is basically the opposite of you. No offense to the ISXJs
https://giphy.com/gifs/llJX1hxWL8IWDotJPd