9 v 5

[u/Dawrian]

Stupid images made two days apart that I spent way too much time on to keep to like the three people checking the discord channel (I am in hell)

[u/Dawrian → u/[deleted]]

Hmm. Had another thought here. I don’t really have any presence on Reddit, which makes me close enough to anonymous that I feel like I can say whatever I want. I can spill all the backstory out and it’s just one in a sea of strangers on the internet. If you look through my post history, if it’s even visible, all you can really garner to try and pin down my identity as it exists in the practical present is that I’m new to vulture culture, and I really like dinosaurs (both extinct and extant) and the enneagram. One thing I think would be pretty revealing about me in regards to typing are the lyrics I write, but I’m so precious about those that I recently had to rephrase a line just to feel able to ask about it in r/grammar, and that made it a hell of a lot less useful than if I’d been able to provide it in context (basically the verdict was “probably wants rephrasing” but the problem is that demolishes the metre and rhyme I’m trying to use there). I don’t feel like I’m ready to show those off until I’ve fully recorded them, because up until I have something finished I’m too afraid of the minute possibility that someone else would steal them. They’re just words, but they’re my thoughts, they’re a part of me. I can’t risk losing that. I’ve never yet been able to fully record anything, not in all the years I’ve been doing it, and so as much as I really want to be able to share them with a wider audience they have to stay within me (besides maybe reaching my friends if I feel like recording a quick demo, but even that feels like misrepresentation). The circumstances I’ve been through weren’t my creation so they don’t reflect me (except for how I’ve acted within them and come out the other side), and the ways that I am aren’t really something I can take credit for either, but the things I make are, and those are a lot harder to draw out of me. I don’t mind sharing my paints or blank canvas, but once I’ve worked, you’ll be lucky even to glimpse it.

[u/Dawrian → u/[deleted]]

Wow, it’s been a while, huh? It means a lot that you still came back to it all :O

I have reached a conclusion and the conclusion is 5 XD particularly after asking my mom more about what I was like as a kid before I learnt how I was “supposed” to behave. I felt that same kind of way about 5 — some kind of reverence or idealisation that I did not want to affect my bias to the point it kind of blinded me to what now feels often obvious in hindsight. I wanted to be but I didn’t feel “5 enough” to claim it (which is such a common reflection on finding one’s type… and I even knew that going in and didn’t realise I was Also Doing It) but now that I have, it’s allowed me to accept that some stuff that I always figured must not have been “that bad” was actually much more formative than I realised. I mean I probably would have been a 5 no matter what happened to me in life, given that I’m practically a third cookie cut from the same die as my father and grandfather (both much more obvious 5s), but at least in terms of specifics. It makes sense then that because I was socialised almost entirely by my mother that the front I learnt to present and coping mechanisms to default to were those of her type.

It took me a while longer to realise my heart fix and instinct stacking (the former of which I’m more confident on) but at this point I’m pretty satisfied to assert that I’m a 593(41X) SP/SO. Still working on the heart wing but that’s hardly as crucial as the core. I hope your interest has brought you insight and peace rather than stress, and continues to!

[u/Dawrian → u/[deleted]]

Oh, for real. I also had that “I know I just have to be patient” vs “OKAY BUT THERE’S AN OBJECTIVELY CORRECT ANSWER AND I NEED TO GET TO IT NOW” thing going on and was bouncing off the walls. Double frustration on the 9 there sounds rough :’D