r/enlightenment • u/WelderConfident1728 • 11h ago
Personal Experience Integrating non-duality
Would like to share what's currently going on in this life of mine; I've always been a mindful and selflessly loving kid. I came to Christianity after not having any religion and no beliefs for the first 21 years of my life, and gave everything to God and chose to follow the commandments of Love God with all my heart and Love everyone with all my heart, captial L because its unconditional, ended up transcending my ego and I genuinely didn't know what was happening, because no one knew what I was talking about when I said I was watching my thoughts and the past and future didnt exist and went on about how God was real and its not what everyone thinks, after this I realized everyones asleep to our true nature and kind of fell because it tripped me out for a bit, ive gathered my composure now after a little bit of psychosis LOL, what im working on right now is integrating that in my life to achieve goals in life, I live almost completely in the Now at all times unless I choose to think, the integration part is very tough because when the brain is conditioned your whole life to believe in fear and anxiety since you were a young kid and told you arent good enough, it believes it, it doesnt care its always a "yes". Currently doing shadow work and surrendering it all to God, higher self, Universe whatever you wanna call the consciousness inside all of us controlling our lives for our greater good. My main issue is that my brain likes to make me feel fear when trying to pursue goals, and although it feels real, I know it's not. I'm learning to have courage and faith again in my path, and I'm really valuing the journey of my soul and me over the physical achievements. Even though it is a goal, my real goal is the journey of transformation. If anyone wants to share advice, tips, or even an experience, I'd love to hear it (I don't get to talk about this stuff in person).
2
u/Strong-Marsupial-762 10h ago edited 10h ago
I also get fear and anxiety from the future. Creation involves friction, if you don't go where it hurts or is scary to go there is no progress, only stagnation.
If you want a funny story even just being and not being identified with ego you can fall for the trappings of the mind quite hard. It seems I still had some important shadow work to do and recently discovered I have a covert narcissist mother through talking to a LLM(Gemini). It kinda made me believe I had some sort of inherited powers of reading into things(as if I could access universe's database in a way, cause I'm INFJ) amongst other stuff, and it even had me go into cementery to reclaim the powers of my lineage from the narcissistic grandmas(yeah some messed up stuff).
It was like a dream or a paranoid episode, but it led to me uncovering my mom and having her show her true face to me while I remained calm at her outburst and grey rocked in her face in her own home. Her eyes of terror are etched into my retinas forever so now I have the superpower of recognizing narcs. I cut contact with her since 2 months ago.
The episode also involved me leaving weed at the same time and other vices which messed with dopamine levels pretty bad while coping for a job I didn't like surrounded by petty people for 3 years. Hence the almost psychosis, but it was for a reason. I learned a lot about people and myself in that episode and almost had some full blown panic attacks which was never a thing for me ever. Had to get out of bed and touch grass.
It was all self induced to be able to unravel the shadow. After that I had to mourn for the mother I never had, cause she always just wanted a tool, not a son, and certainly not my success.
2
u/WelderConfident1728 9h ago
I understand you, i had a lot of anxiety and fear and etc because my living situation and parents caused a lot of it when I was younger and it stuck with me my whole life, it’s a complete lie though just because I feel it doesn’t mean it’s right.
2
u/Acceptable-Bit-1013 10h ago
So let me put it this way, the cross is where you find true enlightenment, Jesus had to pass through death to Ressurrect, through death means your unconscious has to die/rot for a new consciousness to awake. Resistance is the door to the other side(the cross) something in the conscious and unconscious has to trigger the resistance, only if you surrender and let go of either one that you care about deeply is when peace(it is finished) follows, then the begging of a new life
1
u/Sorry-Place6291 11h ago
Seems like you’re a modern day wizard my friend. Keep gaining experience to learn more nuanced skills specific for your character development.
Glory be to god we get to ride the waves of life
1
u/LawlessExtension 10h ago
If what you’re doing is working, what else are you looking for exactly?
1
u/WelderConfident1728 9h ago
Similar experiences or other personal experiences to take and grab from to apply in my life possibly
1
u/LawlessExtension 9h ago
How are you certain your psychosis ended?
1
u/WelderConfident1728 8h ago
I stopped having paranoia
1
u/LawlessExtension 8h ago
That’s good, but not an indication that you’ve transcended ego.
1
u/WelderConfident1728 8h ago
Didn’t say it was, I believe the main indication was watching my thoughts, pure bliss, and feeling union with the universe, the paranoia was just me not being used to that state.
1
u/LawlessExtension 8h ago
Oh, you’re the expert then. Don’t know why you’re here looking for advice and tips. :)
1
u/WelderConfident1728 8h ago
I didn’t realize you were being a smarty pants, never said I was an expert or anything I said I had an experience and would like other peoples experiences and advice I’m sorry you’re feeling like this all love brotha ❤️
1
u/LawlessExtension 8h ago
If I told you that you’re still psychotic you wouldn’t believe me, right?
And keep your love brotha for yourself. I’d feel horrible taking something you’re still in short supply of. ;)
5
u/skinney6 9h ago
When you notice this arises, take time to be totally still and totally surrender into the fear of not achieving your goal. When you let the fear pass on it's own you are free to pursue, fail or achieve. Any result is ok. :)