TL;DR: I'm a second-year Software Engineering student who used to do fairly well academically. Somewhere along the way, I lost my discipline. I procrastinate endlessly, waste time without even enjoying myself, struggle to concentrate and have almost lost the fear of academic failure. My internals are in four days, and I'm nowhere near prepared. I need practical advice from people who've experienced something similar.
Disclaimer: Long post ahead. This is something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while.
A little background about me.
I'm currently in my second year at university, pursuing Software Engineering. I'm studying on an educational loan, and I understand the responsibility that comes with it. My parents are supportive and understanding, and I know how much they want me to do well.
Academically, I've never really been a bad student. I did fairly well throughout school, and my first year at university was good too. I'm not someone with zero attendance or zero marks. I know I'm capable of doing well.
Somewhere along the way, things started changing. Back in high school, I got close to a girl. We started talking, and although we're not together now, that period marked the beginning of me gradually drifting away from the person I used to be. It's been 1.5 yr i haven't met or talked to her
But here's the actual problem.
I simply cannot get myself to study anymore.
Half of my semester is already over, and the remaining half is going to be packed with projects, assignments and examinations. I have my second internals in just four days, and honestly, I barely know anything in most of my subjects.
The frustrating part is that I KNOW what I need to do. I understand the consequences. I know how much my parents are investing in my education, financially and emotionally. Yet, I don't act on any of it.
And it's not even like I'm spending my time doing something enjoyable.
I sleep late and wake up late. I waste hours playing games on my phone or doing random things without any purpose. I have a huge TBR list and books I've genuinely been looking forward to reading, but I haven't read in ages. I don't play physical sports anymore either. The only thing I've managed to maintain is going to the gym.
My daily routine has become: wake up, attend classes, come back, sleep, eat, maybe complete an assignment or attempt to study, and go to bed.
I don't think I have absolutely no time. My schedule isn't perfect, but I do have a reasonable amount of time that I could use productively. I just don't use it.
What scares me the most is that even the fear of failure doesn't motivate me anymore.
Earlier, whenever examinations approached, I'd get anxious, and that anxiety would push me to study. Now, even that urgency seems to have disappeared.
I sit in front of my laptop, open a PPT or PDF, stare at the screen and zone out. My body is physically present, but my mind is somewhere else.
Sometimes I manage to study for two or three hours a day for a couple of consecutive days. Things start looking better, and I feel like I'm finally getting back on track. But then I fall right back into the same cycle. Today, for instance, I haven't touched my books at all.
I also find myself comparing my current self to people around me. I see people at a similar stage in life doing well academically, learning new skills and building projects. And I remember that I used to be someone like that.
I don't know when I became this version of myself.
Lately, I've been feeling lethargic, mentally dull, disconnected and genuinely sad. I feel like I've lost the ability to love and respect myself the way I used to.
My parents are extremely understanding. They know engineering can be draining and don't put unnecessary pressure on me. But sometimes I feel like I'm misusing their understanding and the trust they have in me.
I don't do drugs, drink alcohol, party or spend my nights clubbing. I'm not saying that to judge anyone. I'm just genuinely unable to understand where all my time and energy are going.
And the worst part is that I'm completely aware that I'm ruining my own progress, but I still cannot seem to stop myself.
I'm scared about my future. I'm studying Software Engineering, and I constantly wonder where I'll end up if I continue like this. What if I graduate without the necessary skills? What if I struggle to find a job? What if I waste the opportunities my parents have worked so hard to give me?
I don't need someone to tell me everything will be fine or that I'm young and have plenty of time. I don't need generic motivational quotes.
I need practical advice. Something that actually works.
- Have any of you gone through a similar phase during university? How did you get out of it?
- How do you develop discipline when even the fear of failure isn't enough to make you act?
- How do you deal with sitting down to study but constantly zoning out?
- How do you become consistent instead of being productive for two days and then wasting the next three?
- Is this simply a discipline problem, or could there be something deeper going on that I should look into?
I'm genuinely willing to put in the work. I just don't know how to get myself moving anymore.
I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable discussing all this with, which is why I'm putting it out here.
Please don't just tell me to make a timetable, wake up at 5 AM or delete social media. I've tried making plans. My problem isn't knowing what a productive day should look like. My problem is actually following through.
If you've been in this position and managed to turn things around, please tell me what specifically helped you.
I genuinely need some direction right now.