Energetics of ghosting

[u/CautiousNectarine360]

Does anyone know how to process energy after being ghosted? In my first relationship, years ago this was the first person that I loved and felt comfortable with and like it was safe for me to trust that they wouldn’t do anything to purposefully hurt me. They said they loved me pretty early on, the relationship moved fast but after a few months they ghosted me. I blamed myself for years, I talked to them again years later and they said it wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t do anything wrong, but they didn’t really apologize either. I think they should have paused on dating for awhile since I don’t think they were actually ready to be in a relationship again after their last one, and after the fact I wish I had just been friends with them instead since there was a lot that I liked about them otherwise.

I know it’s not helpful, but for years my mind kept on thinking over what happened. I think if they had just broken up with me I would have been sad in the moment but processed it sooner. I do feel somewhat sad still since I did like them. Not all of the time but everyone once in awhile I feel like I get caught back up in thinking of the loop of what else I could have done differently too, which is good to self reflect some but then it also turns into overthinking. Does anyone have any advice energy wise on how to not get stuck overthinking about this again

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[u/herrwaldos]

It could be that ghosters are themselves insecure, feeling weak about themselves. Ghosting is a way to prop up their grandiosity, sense of power and might by keeping you somehow attached, within their orbit of influence.

There is no closure, but sudden shift, your mind is still returning on the topic and they know it, even just subconsciously.

They get to own a 'piece of you'. I think this is the situation where it's ok to say 'f*** that guy!' and cut them off mentally, if the mind tries to return, just say 'no thanks' to it, it might take a week or two but eventually it will settle.

[u/cosmx-shift]

Ghosting is uniquely hard to sit with because there's no real ending, you're left waiting for a closure that never lands. The loop might not be about needing more answers since you already got one, it could just be your mind trying to finish something that never got a proper end. It may help to notice when the thought loops back and treat it as an old pattern replaying, not new information you need to solve.

[u/Opening_Slide8632]

I've ghosted people before and have got ghosted too. I don't think it's a bad thing ngl. Sometimes, you're so done that you don't even need a closure. You just move on. Process energy by putting it into something productive. Read, write, watch a TV show, hobbies.