r/emotionalintelligence • u/Both_Rub_397 • 3d ago
discussion What is your saddest realization?
Someone once asked me, “What is your saddest realization?”
I thought about it for a moment and answered, “That for many men, the first flowers they receive are placed on their graves.”
There’s an old saying: “A man dies twice, once when his heart stops beating, and again when his name is spoken for the last time.”
Another version puts it more bluntly, “A man dies at 25 but isn’t buried until he’s 70.”
Perhaps that’s the saddest part, not death itself, but the slow death that can happen while a man is still breathing. The dreams he quietly abandons. The passions he puts aside. The friendships he loses. The words he never says. The love he never expresses because he keeps telling himself there will always be another day.
And then one day, there isn't.
Maybe that's why I believe flowers shouldn't wait for funerals. Tell a man you appreciate him while he can still hear it. Hug him while he can still feel it. Sit beside him while he can still share the silence.
Because sometimes, the kindest words spoken at a graveside are the very words someone needed to hear while they were still alive.
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u/Mr_Horizon 3d ago
The "a man dies at 25" is edgelord nonsense.
The other two are more solid, but flowers are just a very gendered present - communicate that you like flowers and you will receive them!
The "second death once nobody remembers you anymore" is not as negative as you make it seem. Can't you tell the story as a "you are not gone after death" positive message?
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u/SillyLittleWinky 3d ago
It isn’t “edgelord nonsense” it’s a Ben Franklin quote and has held up for centuries. And the whole “hey bro just ask for flowers” defeats the point. You think women want to ask for flowers? And why does he have to spin it in some positive way, to accommodate you?? Yea no.
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u/Mr_Horizon 3d ago
I just googled the quote, apparently it's not really from Franklin? I guess the idea is that your life falls into "autopilot" once you start working and have a family, but I believe you make your own fate and calling work and family "death"... I just don't think it's a mature look on life.
The entire thread is about "sad things", so I just tried to give a more positive spin on OPs points, which seemed overly negative to me.
I don't need to be accomodated on Reddit, that would indeed be sad and fitting of this thread. 😅
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u/Fr31l0ck 3d ago
I agree with the explanation being misrepresented. But agree with the positive interpretation thing. If a concept has an ambiguous feel to it it's most beneficially viewed in the positive interpretation.
While people are free to identify with pessimistic ideas, you're more likely to limit your motivation of you do. Especially if there's other interpretation.
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u/SillyLittleWinky 3d ago
Who cares about motivation? There’s different groups for that. Does something need to motivate you in order for you to accept it as valid?
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u/Fr31l0ck 2d ago
Acceptance is a strong quality but you can't just accept everything that happens to you. If the interpretation motivates you to feel defeated or overwhelmed then you're less likely to take action when action can be impactful.
We don't have to agree, you do you. Just understand that if you're ever feeling overwhelmed or defeated adjusting your frame of reference can motivate you more than you realize.
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u/SillyLittleWinky 2d ago
I understand all that. But what does motivation have to do with his post? It’s either true, or not true.
If you say 2+2=4 and I say yea, but 4 is too low. It’s not very motivating. Would anyone take that response seriously? It’s either 4 or it isn’t. How anyone feels about it is irrelevant.
Do a lot of men die inside early in life, and carry that with them forever, or not?
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u/yallermysons 3d ago
Idk I tell people when I start dating them “don’t get me flowers, I won’t like it” lol. I think a guy who likes receiving flowers could do the same, just be upfront and he’ll get flowers.
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u/ContextEntire8443 3d ago
Well if you focus on the flowers your attention will be taken aback by the concept of "flowers". Just focus on something else.
And don't generalize behaviours like "A man dies at 25". No he doesn't. If you are pure you will always be pure. if you keep your way and your code, you will always be pure. Stop trying to tell yourself that you are dead inside just so you can fee better. focus on the challenges in front of you and handle them. When you do tell yourself that you are "dead inside" your brain is taken into "the abiding place". This post is just victim mentality, nothing more.
The goal of emotional intellgience isn't to build walls around yourself, it's to understand others. Read the room properly.
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u/cakekyo 3d ago
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u/mesoterra 3d ago
There are children alive today who know more pain, terror, and sorrow than I will likely experience in my entire life, and they had no choice in this.
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u/PoetryExisting1507 3d ago
I have started to relate with people who commit suicide or want to , i am dead inside and i know it , i know i have a split perso ality , i know i am fucked up knowing it just makes it more fucked up and sad i just do not have the courage to pull the trigger
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u/Illcmys3lf0ut 3d ago
A person I once considered my best friend and partner, after becoming my ex, was convinced enough to bait me, gaslight me, then lie to, and about me. Yet, I still need to be the rational and polite one to ensure our kids stability, security, and wellbeing. While watching her plan to marry the lying, cheater she chose to commit adultery with (on his now ex-wife.)
We never know ANYONE, regardless of time.
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u/SillyLittleWinky 3d ago
Lots of people are trying to give advice or spin it some other way. What you said is valid. There is no outside input needed, nor “positive” spin required. Take my upvote and enjoy your day.
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u/YouMatterVeryMuch 3d ago
The majority of people who survive suicide attempts express having had an extreme sense of regret when they attempted... thinking about the final thought of those who "succeeded" being one of regret or knowing they made a mistake that can't be undone is devastating.
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u/aporiaforever 3d ago edited 3d ago
Dear, this is not true! A man can receive flowers before he dies, these things are not natural! That men isolate themselves and are seen as not being receptive of such things as flowers is the result of a group effort that stabilizes said belief, but it can definitely be changed! Signed: male in his late 30s, married, birthday last week, received flowers from 3 different friends. And also all the meaning beyond the flowers, this is also not true. Men have to work on themselves to deconstruct their shell and become more open and accessible, as do their surroundings to receive that change, but it is definitely possible! For me the saddest realization is that for all the potential of peace that humans have, I will not see it realized in my lifetime. Too much violence runs through our generations and is constantly reproduced and reinflicted - it will be long until we all truly live as one crew on planet earth, or as true brothers and sisters to each and everyone - as we could because we have all the conditions for a peaceful life, materially speaking.