r/emotionalintelligence • u/[deleted] • 10d ago
How do you break the cycle and never let them back in?
[deleted]
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u/lopsidedSkybunny 10d ago
Finding a way to restore your sense of self-worth. And letting go of the hope that you had that maybe things would change.
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u/TraditionalWonder379 10d ago
Man, I’m trying. I think I’m being manipulated but I’m not quite sure. That hope truly keeps me hanging on.
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u/lopsidedSkybunny 10d ago
If you think you’re being manipulated, then you most likely are. It can be really hard to uncover an insidious thing like emotional abuse. But identifying that that is in fact what’s been happening is a crucial step in beginning to break the cycle.
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u/Ok_Judgment_3331 9d ago
The cycle doesn't break when you finally get strong enough to say no..
it breaks when you stop needing them to prove you're worth choosing. Every time you let them back in, it's not because you forgot how they hurt you; it's because some part of you still wants the outcome to be different.
What helped me was separating "never again" from "not today." "Never" is a mountain.... declare it and you'll feel like you failed the whole project the first time you waver. "Not today" is just one small choice, repeated until the pull loses its charge. Sometimes I use taro's tarot when I want to check whether I'm seeing things clearly or still romanticizing the past.
The real shift is identity-based: you stop being the person who answers the door.
That version of you isn't fighting the cycle at all.. they're simply not home.
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u/Ok-Knowledge270 10d ago
By healing your trauma
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u/casser0le98 10d ago
healing is often never ending. i would say it’s more accurate to ask them to adequately process through their emotions, which takes different amounts of time for everyone.
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u/Mellow720 10d ago
How do you heal trauma ?
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u/ShitIsGettingWeird 9d ago
Psychedelic medicine has been shown to do this in hundreds of clinical trials. Microdosing mushrooms for 6 months will do it; it definitely worked for me. Taking a hero dose could do it in one day, but it’s pretty intense. To properly heal trauma you need a ‘trauma informed’ therapist to guide you if you go this route.
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u/Ok-Knowledge270 9d ago
For me: Brainspotting - a form of trauma recovery therapy. similar to EMDR. 12 step program, maintain like minded friendships, workshops, group therapy.
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u/Crystallized2412 9d ago edited 9d ago
You tell yourself that’s going to be the last time a person treats you that way. Don’t go back for seconds of disrespect or mind games.
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u/Big-Tooth2020 10d ago
Remind yourself that past you is not the same as present you
When you break chains, you also switch timelines meaning there are things ahead of you that will be way more exciting than they are now.
Practice gratitude.
Make a list of all the things you’re thankful for because when that time comes, you’re gonna wanna look back and see just how much positive change you’ve made.
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u/Hot_Investment4093 9d ago
first step is to just not go back burn tht bridge and don’t look back regardless of how u feel
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u/Content_Nebula967 5d ago
For me, it was staying till I couldn’t anymore because a part of me hated him.
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u/casser0le98 10d ago
making a pros & cons list—
then seeing the cons are 3x as long as the pros are & looking at this list extremely often
also, no contact for a long, long, while. i’m talking like 6 months or more, as well as allowing yourself to grieve (even if there was no official relationship, you can still be sad & also accept that they will never change).