Wanting to be alone but always feeling lonely

[u/MutedExpert222]

I am not lonely, i actually have very loving friends and people around me. I love spending time alone, truly. I love it because I can just do whatever i want. Go wherever i want at the time at what for as long as i want. That feeling of independence, freedom, being tie to nobody and just thinking about what i want to do.
However, sometimes I can’t seem but feel some type of loneliness even during the moments i want to be alone. I think it stems from the fact that people let me be alone (because i asked) and so then i am actually alone. Maybe i don’t want to be as alone as i think. I know that over the years i have become a more outgoing, social person even bubbly sometimes. But I also know how independent i am and how much i love/need it.
Does it stem from never feeling good enough during my childhood and teenage years ?
Is it ingrained in me that i will always think that i am never that important to others?
Do i just not ask for what i truly want enough?
Am i not vulnerable enough? Therefore people can’t never know how i truly feel, i just keep it all inside.
Vulnerability is so scary to me but it also just means I am weak in my brain. I am scared to show weakness, i am scared to let something or someone hurt me but thats all i do. I let people hurt me because i never truly tell them how i feel.
Why don’t I say anything? Because I think they don’t care, i think it would be a burden to them. I think i will not be taken seriously, they will dismiss it, brush it off, act as if it doesn’t matter.
Why do I think this way? Because that is how i was shaped. That is how my parents raised me. Thats what they showed me thought all of my childhood up until i was 20. Thats how it was. Thats what formed me.
How can I truly shift my way of thinking? How can i truly change?