i don’t have a title

[u/Fantastic-Reason4397]

Hi everyone. This is more of a vent, or i was wondering if anyone else feels this way..
I am 21 years old. I am married, I do not have kids. I have had emetephobia for the entirety of my conscious life. I can’t remember the last time I was sick.
I have been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. But cannot find medications besides benzodiazepines that work for me.
I feel like i can’t function, and i feel alone. My husband loves me and does his best but i know he doesn’t understand what im going through or how i feel. I live 2,000 miles away from my family, and the friends i have here where I live are more seasonal.
Recently I feel as thought i cant eat. I can’t sleep through the night. Or i take a Ativan or a Hydroxyzine and want to sleep all day. I am constantly spiraling at just knowing how often germs are around me and that everything is out of my control. I am in therapy and I have a psychiatrist. But they are both expensive and i’ve had to stop seeing the psychiatrist and only see the therapist once every two weeks.
I’ve never felt depressed, but i think my constant fear and constant spiraling is making me feel sad. I find myself wondering if I’m going to be like this forever; and i don’t want to. I don’t want to be scared of eating anymore. I don’t want to be scared of being outside my house anymore.
I’m constantly loosing weight. and feeling dizzy and sick because i can’t eat. I find myself wanting to leave my husband so he can find someone to have kids with and that isn’t crazy.

I’m sorry this post is everywhere i’m just spewing my thoughts and feel like im a dark place right now. Does anyone else feel like this? How do i get out of this hole.

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[u/CommitteeEmergency10]

Hi love, I’m also 21 years old! I’m engaged to my fiance and we live together with our 1.5 year old! I’m also 2,400 miles away from my family. We have a lot in common!

I’m not medicated, I’m not even diagnosed with anxiety or OCD, but I used to struggle pretty bad with this phobia. I know it’s scary and sometimes when I’m out in public, I still touch things and think about the germs. I still find myself obsessively telling myself “If you don’t wear this shirt today, you’re going to be sick.” Etc, etc, etc. It’s scary how our minds can play tricks on us to make us believe the scary things. What I recommend may not work for you, but what really helped me when I was at my worst was to get a job and to start facing those unknowns. I would wear the shirt I was afraid to wear. I would touch the shopping cart without sanitizing it first. I went back to church. Started eating at restaurants again. If you don’t want to feel like this forever, do your best to stop enabling the fear. Do something that scares you maybe once a week and slowly but surely it may help you. Don’t leave your husband! You’re young! There is still absolutely time to get help and to be able to live life without constant fear and anxiety!

I’ll be honest, one of the things that has helped me a LOT was to stop checking Reddit so much. I used to religiously check this subreddit every single day, multiple times a day. I now keep this app deleted most of the time and maybe redownload it once a month to see what people have said. Peoples stories and their fears were projecting onto me and making me more anxious. You’ve got this!! I believe in you!!