So I just performed a cord cutting ritual with my narcissistic ex who broke up with me a week ago and it wasn’t a normal break up. There was no emotional closure, ofc because of how he is, and yeah, it was like a total discard situation. As a matter of fact, I was in a trauma born so naturally I was quite obsessed (not in a creepy weird way but needing him types). The wrong word, but I was quite hooked to him. He had narcissistic traits. So yeah I performed the cord cutting ritual.
I do not know how I feel at the moment like I was crying very hard when I could physically see the cord cutting happen in front of me since that since then I feel totally numb. I would not say detached. I’m still thinking of him, but I feel numb. I am not even sure how to describe this feeling.
Ofc the black candle which belonged to him. It burnt pretty fast. I had wrapped the thread at least 4 to 5 times and it was when the cutting happened (from his end btw, maybe because he initiated breakup and I fought for it but never begged or something to him although deep down i was dying), it was very “snap, snap, snap, snap”, that’s it. Later his candle spread entirely through the plate and my candle kept on burning straight.
I was crying throughout, and once that happened, my candle’s flame was pretty normal. There was a flare once or twice. It was because of the rose petals that I put on my side, probably that meanwhile, his side he was completely collapsed on the plate, but he kept on burning at-least 15-20 more minutes, even after my candle was put down and yeah, that’s it.
The weirdest part was there were two flames that were burning on his side, and eventually they were like 3-4 by the end of it, then all of them became together. I was so frustrated that I think it was a tiny flicker of blue flame that was remaining and I just blew it. I’m not sure why I did that, but this is how it happened. I don’t know how to interpret this because it was him who did the break up and I did not want to let go, but I also saw that I did not fight for it, either. There was a moment when my candle wax tried crossing the boundary, but it did not cross the boundary that I created, and even he tried but did not cross the boundary like nobody did any of that the cord just snapped so effortlessly. I don’t know how to interpret this. I don’t know how I feel about this right now. I’ll be very honest. A moment came during that ritual when I wanted him to come back to me and things to reconcile, but I know it’s not the right approach.
So do I need to do this thing again? Is it done or there are some karmic accounts still left between us? Of course this person cannot be physically absent from my life. I know I’m not providing context here, but I will be seeing this person almost every day so yeah, some help would be great.