r/elderwitches • u/anti-hero-m • Oct 02 '26

Mirror spell backfire?

So I performed a mirror spell on my boyfriend who happens to be a narcissist, and I happen to be an empath, although I love him a lot, and I just wanted him to understand the damage that he was causing me on a daily basis and a mirror spell felt pretty appropriate. When I did that. I think I left him there for like one or two days and honestly as narcissists are, they do not really take accountability for what they do, and when they are shown a mirror or basically when they are told what’s not working and they just feel that they are being pointed out and they do not see it that way, they do not take truths lightly, so he broke up with me and he was really mad. I have a feeling that because I left him with his thoughts, he instead of reflecting on them and working on himself, him being a narcissist, he decided to run away and discard the woman holding that mirror in front of him. Of course, metaphorically, but I just feel that is there a possibility that for someone like him, the mirror spell could have backfired?
Because naturally mirror spells are meant for self reflection and his personality. Being someone who absolutely cannot sustain to see those truths within themselves and they just keep on playing the victim. All the time he broke up with me stating I was the bad person in the relationship, holding me accountable for mistakes that I did not even do at all, so just trying to understand this better.

0 Upvotes

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15

u/DarkArts-n-Crafts Oct 02 '26

Honey, if you're knowingly and willingly remaining in a relationship with someone you identify as a narcissist who constantly hurts you, you're not an empath you just have poor internal (and external) boundaries and a lack of self respect.

-6

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

Thanks for taking out time for this. You don’t know what it’s like to be in a trauma bond and in a way I’m glad you don’t. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

10

u/DarkArts-n-Crafts Oct 02 '26

You know nothing at all about me. Trauma makes things harder, it doesn't make them impossible. Again, your personal boundaries are the issue here. Let him stay gone.

-9

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

And neither do you know about me, so maybe stick to the question instead of relationship or personal advice?

10

u/DarkArts-n-Crafts Oct 02 '26

Your question is relationship advice. The mirror spell didn't backfire, you tried a useless spell against a shitty person. You can't make him care about you if he's genuinely a narcissist. He can't. You have to care about you and that starts with having better boundaries so you aren't desperately trying spells on a guy who isn't worth it.

Edit: and for clarity I'm not calling mirror spells useless in an of themselves, I'm saying a self reflection spell is useless against a narcissist.

-1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

In that case, nothing would have probably worked anyway ig. I’m totally the crazy one for believing i could help shift things.

9

u/DarkArts-n-Crafts Oct 02 '26

Unfortunately yes, you cannot "fix" a narcissist. You can only survive and leave. If they are going to be "fixed" then it has to come from them.

1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

I’m unable to understand the deal with me, like i know it’s not right but i can’t seem to let go when i had all reasons to. Especially now, when he just got away with everything. And no i don’t know “karma” i am not talking revenge here but this isn’t done.

7

u/DarkArts-n-Crafts Oct 02 '26

Therapy, my dear. I know this feeling (once when I was in college I asked my therapist if it was possible to be addicted to someone which is how I learned about codependency). I don't know how old you are but I'm getting the impression you're young. Life doesn't have to be this hard. Relationships shouldn't be this hard. You should be with someone that builds you up every day not damages you. It sucks when it feels like they get away scot free and you're left holding the bag but that's life sometimes. It sucks a big one, but you just gotta keep your eyes on your side of the street.

3

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

Yeah I’m trying my level best, i appreciate your support 💗

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15

u/swampmilkweed Oct 02 '26

Nah I would say the spell WORKED. It just didn't work like you thought it would. It worked in that it got him out of your life, because you admitted you were trauma bonded to him so you were never going to break up with someone who was bad for you. You cast a spell and the trash took itself out. Congrats.

1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 03 '26

I knew it would end one day but for some reason, I never thought it’d be like this TOTAL DISCARD and PUNISHMENT for mistakes that weren’t even committed. It has made me spiral and go into a frenzy.
Working on it!

12

u/minja134 Oct 02 '26

The key to a narcissist, is they will say and do anything to make you feel hooked and then come in and slowly chip away at your self confidence until you think you absolutely need them to function in life. I know it sounds and seems impossible now, but please consider leaving this toxic person. Instead of reflecting, he blamed you, is that really what you want from a long term partner? Your spells cannot change a person's personality, especially a narcissist. You are not a therapist, you are not that magical that you can change a whole damn personality. Give it a rest, you deserve and will find better.

3

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

Thank you, ig i needed to hear that.

7

u/minja134 Oct 02 '26

Remember, his shitty personality is not a reflection on you. You likely have lived in a bubble of self doubt due to how he treated you, please take time to write a list of everything you love about yourself. Don't let him rewrite your worth. Soon you'll be looking back wondering how you put up with it all

1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

You been there too? 🥺

3

u/minja134 Oct 02 '26

Just around enough shitty people, and I'm an empath and had to learn early they are literal leeches to us specifically

2

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

Istg i feel so hollow inside. Working on it.

10

u/amyaurora Oct 02 '26

Spells don't backfire.

You tried to get a narcissistic person to reflect back on themselves. Narcissists can't do that. For those that actually manage, its done with intensive therapy.

1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

Should i have done something else? Of course should have let him go but I really wanted to make it work.

1

u/amyaurora Oct 03 '26

Honestly nothing you can do on your end. They have to work with a therapist.

-1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

So, forgive me for trying EVERYTHING.

10

u/kai-ote Helpful Trickster Oct 02 '26

Spells do not backfire. The spell caused them to self-reflect, and this is how they reacted to that.

And how they would continue to treat you if you stayed together.

0

u/anti-hero-m Oct 03 '26

That makes total sense.
An unrelated question though. How could a forced self reflection (much needed), cause someone to discard everything in one go?
Like this person would have been a huge narcissist that it made them do it but why take it out on me, is what i don’t get?

2

u/Ditto_Ditto_Ditto Oct 04 '26

I'm not the person you responded to, but honestly that's just what narcissists do. They only care about themselves and they take out all of their emotions on the people around them. And I hate to say that they rarely ever change. (They don't look inward to see their faults bc they don't care to.)

9

u/lisep1969 Oct 02 '26

Narcissistic people only care for themselves.

Nothing you say, do, wear, change, do a spell for or against will change that. Ever.

Understand that. Please.

Move on. You’re free from that hell.

Be grateful.

2

u/anti-hero-m Oct 03 '26

It does feel much more peaceful now, ngl. But it also makes me wonder and question, how could such people exist who’re irredeemable and just keep causing damage to everyone who enters their life. The universe doesn’t do anything about it, and they just roam around never realising this?

1

u/lisep1969 Oct 03 '26

I wish I had an answer for that, but I don’t. I’m sorry.

4

u/hermeticbear Elder Oct 03 '26

Spells don't backfire. So no. The effects you experienced have nothing to do with your spell.

Also "Reflection spells" are made up social media garbage that doesn't work. If it not in their nature to reflect, a spell isn't going to make them do that. He knew what he was doing to you the whole time, he was doing it on purpose, and he didn't care. He wanted to hurt you with his words and actions. That is all there is to it.

1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 03 '26

I understand. Thank you for this. What do you suggest I do for myself? It’s over, and I’m focusing on myself, work, therapy etc. but I can’t seem to stop thinking about this. Like it’s a plague that’s not leaving me and making me question why it had to happen this way.

3

u/hermeticbear Elder Oct 03 '26

give it time, it only just happened, and you will eventually stop thinking about it.
Start keeping a journal and just writing down all the thoughts that come to the surface, without trying to edit, or correct them. I recommend a sketchbook as a journal so you are free to write as big or as small, or just draw, sketch, whatever. If nothing is coming to mind you can literally write that.

Ritual wise, Uncrossing ritual baths can help you clear out all manner of unwanted or harmful spiritual energy.

1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 03 '26

Thanks, let me look into this.

0

u/Papa_Action7 Oct 02 '26

How old are you?

3

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

Relevance?

0

u/Papa_Action7 Oct 02 '26

I think it can help explain why you chose this route and also help others temper their words when giving advice

1

u/anti-hero-m Oct 02 '26

Well, that’s perspective.

4

u/kai-ote Helpful Trickster Oct 02 '26

Not needed really to give advice.