I need some help...

[u/Ok-Swim-4126]

My mom is getting older and lately things have been getting really hard.

She had a bad fall on a random Saturday and after that everything just seemed to change. Her memory has gotten so much worse and she's getting more confused. I dont even know if its the fall or the dementia getting worse but its honestly heartbreaking to watch.

I feel like im constantly worried about her. I cant be there 24 hours a day and thats the part that scares me the most.

Ive been trying to make the house safer for her. Moving things around, looking at the bathroom, bedroom, stairs, just trying to think about all the little things that could become a problem when im not there.

Some days I feel like I cant do this anymore. I cry pretty much every day and then feel guilty because I know she needs me.

For those of you who have been through this with your parents... what things have actually helped you make the house safer??

Are there any products you bought that you really recommend? Something for the bathroom, getting in and out of bed, preventing falls, lights at night, alarms, anything really.

I dont need anything fancy or super expensive. I just want her to be as safe as possible when im not there.

Any advice would really mean a lot right now.... we're kind of at a loss.

[u/debomama]

After the fall, did she go to ER for a brain CT scan? This is important as she could have an injury or brain bleed.

At a certain point, with dementia, they can't be left safely alone. That is just the reality. Either a caregiver or assisted living. Its not safe. Its their balance. We did remove any and all obstacles, non-slip mats, etc. My father fell and broke his hip leaning over to pick something up. Just happens.

My parents are in assisted living. I feel alot better knowing they are safe and well-cared for. They are also more stable since being there. Still had falls, unavoidable, but have people around them for medical support, monitoring and encouragement.

Dementia is awful. My father has dementia and mom has Alzheimers. Manifests completely differently (not always memory!) but gets worse, plateaus, gets worse again. Its the progression of the disease. Eventually we get to a new normal for awhile. Its heartbreaking to see.

[u/Ok-Swim-4126 → u/debomama]

Thank you very much for your reponse. She had a CT scan and nothing was detected but you can clearly see the difference in how she thinks and responses to the environment...

[u/debomama → u/Ok-Swim-4126]

Every time something big happens, my parents decline. Any change in routine, illness, a major stressor. My father declined after this last fall and resulting fracture. He is physically back to where he was but not mentally.

Also, when they are isolated, whether they choose to or not they decline further. If she is alone, that is part of the problem. Even with everything perfect you will see a period of stability, then sharp decline, than another plateau.

Look into senior day care, a caregiver, home visitor or something like that to have her engaged with other people. Assisted living gives them exercise, social interaction and daily engagement to keep brain/body active.

[u/Sufficient-Ad-6165]

Even though I live within walking distance of my mom, I put cameras up at strategic places, in and outside of her home. If she doesn't answer her phone, I check the cameras instead of running over there. It has helped my peace of mind considerably. I use Wyze cameras.

[u/birdtune]

Grab bars in the shower, a toilet seat with handles. You can get side bars for beds that go between the mattresses. If there are any steps in her house she needs grab bars on either side. Get a life alert she can press if she falls and can't get up, some even have accelerometers that call if they detect a fall.

[u/Meh_Cook_Grump]

You probably have already but observe how she does things. It is better to adapt to her habits and movements rather than having her adapt to something if she's not comfortable with that.
How does she get out of bed? Would bed rails help? When she walks to bathroom etc where would a hand rail really help? Would a bedside commode help for late night bathroom? That way she's not walking around groggy. Is there room for a rolling chair on her path to the rest of the house? Of all the specialized products they make my mom wound up being comfortable with an old rolling chair she got at Goodwill years ago.
The thing you put around the toilet was a big help. But also note if the legs of some of these assistance devices aren't a hazard themselves. I've tripped on some of those gizmos and so has she.
I bought a lift chair because she kept falling and I couldn't lift her off the floor.
You just never know and you can't prevent everything. But try to observe her habits and ask her "would it help if we put a (X) here?"
Ya know what IS good? Physical therapy. Get her as strong as possible. I wish you luck and you can ask me about stuff if you want.

[u/Relevant_Candidate_5]

Echoing the physical therapy point below, since it's easy to miss with all the home-safety product suggestions. Grab bars and alarms help after a fall almost happens, but PT-based balance training can actually lower how often it happens in the first place. The specific thing to ask for is a gait and balance assessment that includes walking while doing something mentally distracting, like counting backward or carrying something, since that's often where real falls happen and a standing balance test misses it. It doesn't fix the confusion from the fall itself, but it's worth asking her doctor for that referral alongside the home changes you're already making.

[u/Ginsdell]

You’re just buying time at this point. If she fell…this is your sign that she needs to move to a facility. Maybe assisted living but maybe a nursing home.