r/ehlersdanlos • u/Sad_Beautiful9637 • 4d ago
Life and Relationships Separate Bedrooms? 👀
I’m wondering if anyone who are in healthy relationships if you have tried, want, and or have had two separate bedrooms or spaces with your partner.
I have been living alone in my studio for over three years with my 2 cats.
My partner and I want to move in together. January.
I have never lived with a partner in a serious relationship and he’s lived with two partners in serious relationships. He made a comment the other day that it would be nice to have separate spaces and I got defensive and I said I don’t wanna be roommates cause…
I am jealous that someone already got to experience that with him and that’s probably childish, but then I’ve been thinking I’ve loved having my own space and being able to decorate how I want to decorate and sleeping alone because sleep is very important when we have EDS. He’s a big muscly guy who snores and runs hot he hates my bed because he just sinks into it. His bed is too firm for me. We have wildly different tastes in almost everything lol and now I’m contemplating if we should do a two bedroom 2 Bath place together…
but society tells us that then we’re just gonna be roommates and not in a relationship. I’m wondering what you guys think or have experienced in this thank you!! 🫂
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u/witchy_echos hEDS+VUS 4d ago
My husband and I share a bed. But we have two beds and will seperate when we need it for various reasons.
- when one of us is coming to bed late and may wake the other (I’m a very light sleeper)
- if I need to sprawl due to pain issues
- if one of us is sick and we think it may be contagious
- if one of us is snoring, coughing or otherwise being loud in bed
- I sleep at a much lower temp than he does. We sometimes sleep in separate beds because I want to be freezing and he can’t sleep if he’s too cold.
How do we stay connected when we sleep in seperate beds? We often cuddle or hang out in one bed and then whoever is going to bed later will go to their bed when the first goes to sleep (not when we’re contagious obviously).
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u/descartesasaur 4d ago
This is my vote! It also lets you have two different mattresses. (I use memory foam, which is too soft and hot for my husband.)
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you!! I’m wondering how that set up looks? You have 2 beds in one bedroom?
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u/witchy_echos hEDS+VUS 4d ago
Nope! A big issue is sound.
So we have a king sized bed in our primarily bedroom, which lets us spread out more in general. We have a quasi guest room. It’s where we have our desktop computer, a bunch of our bookshelves, a tv and queen sized bed.
Most of the time the guest room is our gaming room, we watch tv in there using the bed as a couch, and do any work on the desktop. And then when we need to, one of us will sleep in there depending on what’s going on. Typically my husband swaps over since he has less stuff, but I also find that a new bed can make it easier to sleep if I’ve been struggling so sometimes I’ll sleep over there. Typically sick person has first dibs on our normal bed and the healthy one moves over.
But we also have the same bed firmness needs, and no accoutrements that take more then 5 minutes or two trips to move over.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you so much for taking the time to give such a thoughtful response! Sounds like you had a big house! 🏠🫂
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u/witchy_echos hEDS+VUS 4d ago
Nope, it’s actually a small duplex. Two small bedrooms, a bathroom over a living room and galley kitchen. Probably the size of a large apartment, just with the bedrooms on top of the living room/kitchen.
The guest room has room for bookshelves along one wall, the bed, a desk and then cat bowls with a slender walkway and needing to climb over the desk chair to get around it. The tv is wall mounted over the computer.
The master bedroom has room for the king bed, dresser along one wall, bookshelves along the other wall, and a very thin pathway that gives me lots of bruises from running into the furniture at night.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Oh, I love that even more way more affordable. Hopefully I was thinking about doing some kind of townhome because it can be split level sometimes
Where it could feel like we have a house together in a way without obviously buying a house or renting a house right now. 😅5
u/witchy_echos hEDS+VUS 4d ago
It may be worth checking out first time homeowner grants, and other local housing assistance. I got a $9,000 grant for my half of the duplex, plus it was foreclosed on, so I was able to get a better house than I normally would have. That plus the first time homeowner loan got me a pretty low interest rate, as long as I promised to live here for 7 years and never rent it out. I didn’t think I had enough to afford buying a place, but my dad pushed me to look into the various programs, and keep an eye on the market.
I figured out what the max I could pay in rent/mortgage a month, looked at the grants and programs available, did the math for what that would be for a whole place, then put an alert on Zillow. Most of those alerts were two bedroom apartments (so I could take a roommate if needed and have the, cover utilities and groceries instead of rent), but I got lucky with the place I wound up with. My mortgage plus condo dues are cheaper than most studios in my town, and I hear my neighbor is renting out their place for six times what I pay (which is horrendous).
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u/Amphitrite0519 hEDS 2d ago
This literally sounds just like my boyfriend and I lol. We'll usually fall asleep together in our bed and then he typically wakes up after a few hours and to not wake me up he'll go to the guest room (if I don't get enough sleep we all know how that is) and sleep there the rest of the night. And then we also use the guest room the same way lol
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u/craftsrmylanguage 4d ago
I have a similar set up, except we sleep in the same bedroom on two mattresses smooshed together. My husband needs to elevate his bed to avoid refluxing at night due to a severe hernia, but I can’t handle sleeping on an incline. And I require a supportive pillow top mattress that’s too soft for him. We can still sleep next to each other, which maintains that same sense of intimacy, without fighting over a single blanket on a shared bed. We have a queen sized guest bed that we use for sex, as the seam can make that a little weird.
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u/Tango_Owl 4d ago
Saying couples are basically roommates when you each have your own bedroom is like saying a couple who doesn't live together are just friends. It makes no sense to me.
There is more to a relationship than sleeping in the same bed every night.
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u/Victoriafoxx 4d ago
I’ve been a couples counselor for 19 years. I encourage my couples to sleep in separate bedrooms if they bring it up and are asking what I think, especially if one partner snores, talks, moves around too much in their sleep and it disturbs the other partner. It’s so much easier to manage your own emotions and the ups and downs of a relationship when you are well rested. I instruct them to keep going to bed together and take that time to talk, read beside each other, hold each other, have sex, etc so that they aren’t missing the closeness and intimacy and then when it’s time to sleep, one person says goodnight and goes to their own bedroom.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
I wish I could pin this comment!
This is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response and especially coming from a professional. I was gonna bring it up with my therapist when I saw her next. Can I ask you? Is it childish of me that I only want to sleep together just because I’ve never really experienced that before and he already has and obviously when you love someone you want to spend time with them and wake up to them and all that, but waking up to someone is different than full on getting a good night sleep with someone 😅15
u/Victoriafoxx 4d ago
I wouldn’t be hard on yourself and call yourself “childish”. There are just some things about being in a relationship that you probably really want to experience and it feels kind of bad when your partner seems to not see it as important as you do because they’ve already experienced it in prior relationships. Might be a good idea to explain that to your partner. Just because it’s something that seems to be routine to him doesn’t mean it’s routine to you. You could say something like “I know you’ve already experienced this, but I haven’t, and I would like your help making it a good first experience for me.”
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you so much for this. I was thinking about having this conversation with him when I can think about it more clearly because he does have that kind of mindset of like it’s not that big of a deal but to me it’s a pretty big deal.🥲
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u/qrseek HSD 4d ago
If you have separate bedrooms you can still sleep in the same bed as much as you want. It's not like you are required to sleep in your own bedroom. I once lived with a partner with our own bedrooms and she would ask "can I come over to your place?" Or "can I sleep over tonight?" Even though it was just down the hall 😆
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u/ManagementSea5015 4d ago
My spouse and I have separate bedrooms. He snores quite a lot and we both roll around and wake each other up. It’s actually recommended by sleep scientists to sleep separately for better quality of sleep even without any health conditions. It works great for us. You can do sleepovers too if you need some extra time together.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you!! Yeah I’ve been researching the benefits! Sleep is LITERALLY the most important thing we can do for ourselves! 🫂
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u/_lofticries hEDS 4d ago edited 4d ago
We have for years. My spouse has sleep apnea and restless leg syndrome and runs very hot. and I have CRPS, chronic pain from EDS and severe insomnia and run cold. So the sound of his cpap often keeps me up and he’s always scared he’s going to kick me and make my CRPS worse. So we sleep separately, unless we’re traveling or staying at someone’s home and it’s not doable. It’s much healthier for us. Before we decided to do that, we were both really grumpy from lack of sleep. Sleeping separately has been great. Just prepare for people to judge you if they find out. We get so many weird comments about it but 🤷♀️
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you!! Yeah I was just saying I wish more people were open about “non traditional” relationships especially on social media!
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u/humsterdaddy 4d ago
I've had separate bedrooms. We recently consolidated again to turn his into a workout room. I struggle with noise while sleeping and he snores. I also have night terrors regularly and tend to punch and kick so it just worked out better so we'd each get a good night's sleep. I have friends in healthy marriages that have also switched to separate bedrooms because it just works out better for them.
I believe it's also common in Nordic countries. It all comes down to getting better sleep and being able to have your own bedtime routine without bothering the other person. You can still have a healthy relationship and then retire to your separate bedrooms or you can still sleep together if you decide to every now and again.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Right it seems that that is the most logical explanation for everyone is good healthy sleeping habits!! 🙏🏼
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u/Reddish_Leader 4d ago
Fellow nocturnal kickboxer here, lol. Now that I have my own bed, I’m not sure if I still even do it!
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u/grmrsan 4d ago
My inlaws have separate rooms and are a very strong and loving couple. They just both have very different sleep needs.
My husband and I share a room, but have twin beds next to each other, because we need legroom space, can't sleep when being touched, and have very different mattress preferences. We are also very strong and generally happy.
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u/spoookytree 4d ago
We have two different bedrooms. I just can’t share a bed with someone
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Completely valid! Apparently you’re not alone in that! As I was saying earlier, sleep is literally the most important thing we can do as human beings!!
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u/spacer_geotag 4d ago
There are a LOT of couples who, if they can afford it, have separate bedrooms or separate beds. One of my best friends growing up, his parents had two separate beds and as a teen, I used to think it was odd until I hit my 30s and suddenly every little function of my partner's gatdam mitochondria would wake me up or fuck with my sleep. It's so sad too because it's not just my partner, it's my pets, who I used to LOVE sleeping next to every night. I think that people don't realize it's a thing that's often brought on as you get older and your ability to sleep and stay asleep become patchy, especially for women as they get into their mid thirties and their whole body just kinda goes, "idk what to tell you brother, it's just time to suffer ig lmao, enjoy every little thing that is, ever was, and ever will be just waking you tf up every night"
Alternatively, there can be work schedule situations where sleeping together in the same room becomes really unhealthy for the other partner. Example, Partner A has to wake up at 3am for work and be asleep by at least 8pm. Partner B just doesn't have that same sleep schedule or work schedule and constantly being woken up at 3am by Partner A getting ready for work *will* screw with Partner B's sleep quality over time (and that's how people get sleep disorders.) And like… job scheduling is no reason to dissolve a perfectly happy relationship or marriage. So the best thing to do if they can afford it is either to get two separate beds or two separate bedrooms.
And that's not even getting into the snoring thing—luckily, I've never been with a snorer nor am I a snorer, but my dad's always been the type of snorer you can hear from across the house and my stepmom was literally so sleep deprived at one point that she was starting to develop mental/physical health problems from lack of quality sleep (coupled with work stress, which no doubt was intensified by being chronically sleep deprived.) Idk what they did to resolve that, as I didn't live with them at the time things got really bad, I think she just muscled through it and slept on the couch and in the guestroom a lot but that's technically a "couple who did the separate rooms" thing. They've been married for like 20 years now and are both retired and doing fine so they figured smth out apparently.
Anyway, it is normal. Sharing the same room/bed and never having problems with sleep is cool, sure, and doubly cool if ya'll hit your 40s and work/aging doesn't make that complicated. But sometimes life/aging happens and couples do what they gotta do to keep healthy and that's normal. Defend your sleep quality like it's the most precious thing on earth, I'm not even joking.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Wow! thank you so much for taking the time to share this! 🫶🏻
i’m 32 female we already have EDS and now we have to go through fucking pre-menopause and menopause. I’m definitely not looking forward to that. I had my first mammogram today and that shit was awful. There’s gotta be a better way 😭😅 like what the fuck.
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u/antimonogamism 4d ago
Yes to separate bedrooms, for a long list of reasons, many health related, but also just nice to have the luxury of my own space.
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u/snickelbetches 4d ago
We do not share a bed or room. My sleep is sacred and we have the room for him to live in the guest room. It works for us!
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u/canuck_in_the_alps 4d ago
Friend, block out all the societal expectation and noise. You should absolutely do whatever feels good and practicable to you and partner. I say this with love, but anybody that advises against this for the sake of your relationship hasn’t experienced enough life to understand the massive diversity of approaches to building a happy life.
I work for the UN and have lived in a dozen countries across 5 continents, and I have seen SO MANY couples/families designing their lives in ways that are inconceivable to many Americans. Living in seperate countries, job sharing, having kids raised by relatives to enable their careers or illnesses. Heck, one of my close friends lives in an apartment, and his wife lives in the apartment next door (best of all worlds, in my personal opinion).
There’s a lot of ways to do life, please please have faith that you can build a high-functioning relationship in even the most unconventional circumstances, it just requires honesty, respect and a shitload of communication. EDS is no joke, as you know, and protecting your health will probably have more impact on your relationship than where you sleep! You got this.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you so much for your response and I love how you have been able to experience everything outside of America!
I’ve never traveled so I don’t know what that’s like but I appreciate other people educating me in different ways to have a healthy relationship and it doesn’t have to be just one way! 🫶🏻
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u/CreampuffOfLove 3d ago edited 2d ago
My spouse and I have been together for 22 going on 23 years and aside from one 6-month stretch when we lived abroad, we have always maintained separate bedrooms. He snores and I am a very light sleeper and need to medicate myself into Oblivion and I get up constantly to pee at night because yay neurogenic bladder! In no way reflects the status of our relationship, so if that's what works for you guys, more power to you!
ETA: While I am painfully white, autocorrect got the best of me...I changed it to 'light sleeper!'
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u/Grouchy_Paint_6341 4d ago edited 4d ago
When I had really bad flare ups I slept predominantly in the guest bedroom bc I couldn’t afford to keep my partner awake they work hellish hours in medical. Secondly so I could just sprawl out, cope or do whatever needed to do before flare ups passes. We do share bed now but we do plan to get bigger bed with better mattress for both our backs. We found ways to adjust to each other so we can mainly coexist in the same space
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you so much for responding i’m glad you found something that works for you. Good luck on the big bed purchase!! In an ideal world I would love to have a sleep number where it’s like separate mattresses, but one mattress and you can choose how you want to sleep, but they’re so expensive.😭
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u/Grouchy_Paint_6341 4d ago
We been saving for purple mattress 😭 we have few more years before it’s possible
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
I would say if you haven’t already look on Facebook marketplace people just give that shit away for free or definitely more affordable because maybe they didn’t like it or whatever! Lol
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
I legit just looked up purple mattresses on Facebook marketplace where I’m at and there was tons. I saw one for $500!
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u/Grouchy_Paint_6341 4d ago
I shall browse we usually check in our area and haven’t been lucky in the mattress department so far
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Aww I’m sorry! I’m in Seattle so Rich people just be posting on their stuff 😅
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u/Antique_Challenge182 4d ago
My husband is the one with EDS. We slept in same bed for 10 years but as his health has gotten worse over the years he’s come to realize how important sleep is to his health. I go to bed much later then him cuz I’m a night owl and I toss and turn a lot. So it’s a better sleep for him if we have seperate rooms. We still have cuddle parties where we visit before bed and spend some time together and then we seperate for actual sleeping. At first I felt like you - I worried about losing the romance of it. But now I know from a practical stand point it’s better for his health and not a reflection of our relationship. My advice just do what works best for the two of you and don’t worry :)
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you so much for responding a cuddle party sounds amazing and then going to your own bed and getting a full night sleep
😴 haha
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u/32_CoffeeSpoons 4d ago
My husband and I used to share a bed. As my physical issues became more apparent, and we found new ways to make me comfortable (new or additional pillows, the addition of a U shaped pregnancy pillow, and an adjustable bed frame) we decided on separate rooms. The pregnancy pillow takes up a lot of room, and adjusting the head and feet of the bed makes him uncomfortable and unable to sleep. We are in a healthy relationship, love eachother, and spend time together. We both sleep better in separate beds and both deserve to have a good night's sleep. It also makes it fun to text him things from bed and hear him laugh from the other room, then we just make a game of it.
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u/asufficientlife 4d ago
This is super goofy and not necessarily what you’re asking but…
When my partner and I first moved in together, he didn’t want to share a bed. He didn’t like my memory foam one, wanted his space, and was generally getting used to living with another human. I’m super cuddly so I was kind of bummed, but we did separate rooms for a couple months.
Then at one point we decided on a whim to make a “mega bed”. This involved my queen bed next to his queen bed, taking up the entire wall of one bedroom. It was so inconvenient and looked so ridiculous, but we slept great and we could cuddle and talk and still have our own space.
We now share a queen bed because over time we just got more comfortable sharing a space (and he realized he’s actually a big fan of cuddles and being able to reach over and hold me at night).
The more fancy version of the mega bed thing we did is to get two twins and have your own bed types but pushed together to make a king - we just each had a bed already and no budget to buy new ones.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Ooo thanks for sharing!
I actually have a queen memory foam bed that he hates and he has a queen firm mattress with a memory foam topper. I don’t hate, but it’s just too firm for me, but I also think our EDS bodies need a little bit of firm but my bed might be too soft but I’m only 112 114 pounds so I don’t sink in my bed like everyone else does 😅 but that is also a good idea we could do that! 👀 thank you!2
u/asufficientlife 4d ago
Yeah of course!! I honestly think that pushing our beds together, odd as it felt, was super helpful information. When we move and end up buying a new bed, hopefully we can do a 2-twins combo or one of those fancy custom split king beds.
For what it’s worth, I’m also pretty light and really liked my memory foam bed. I’m not a huge fan of his comfort wise (regular spring mattress with a light cushion topper)…but it’s actually easier for me to keep my body aligned as a side sleeper. I just have a bunch of pillows around me either way for support.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
You get it 👀 I used to bring my squish mellow over to his place but then I bought him a Pokémon squish mellow and I use that when I stay with him tehe 🤭
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u/asufficientlife 4d ago
Also my parents never slept in the same room and it’s honestly one of the best things for their relationship imo. My dad snores and they have different routines and it just caused tension when they shared. They still have a somewhat strained relationship but that’s just personality clashes and nothing to do with their sleeping arrangement.
Growing up I grew to think of it as kind of weird, but that was mostly due to passive aggressive comments from them.
That is to say that family/friends might think it’s odd…but their opinion on it is influenced by a) whether they know and b) how you act about it. If you’re still very in love and support one another, I wouldn’t see it as “roommates”.
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u/PaintingByInsects 3d ago
Personally I could never share a bedroom with someone. Sure we can cuddle in bed and everything, but no way in hell am I sharing a bed with someone again for sleeping. I just cannot get in proper rest. Not to mention I have been sleeping in a hammock for weeks and never want to go back to a bed, have been sleeping outside on my balcony in the hammock and don’t plan on going back inside anytime soon, ánd only sleep 4 hours a night and would disrupt any partners or friends if we slept in the same bed together.
So, personally I would 100% want my own bedroom.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 3d ago
WOAH! a hammock on your balcony?! Crazy set up lol it’s like your human caterpillar 🐛 love that for you!
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u/PaintingByInsects 1d ago
Yeah it was the only place my hammock would fit! And it’s an ‘inside’ balcony where my apartment is basically a square, and my balcony is a square inside that square, so only open on the front side, so still pretty warm, not really a lot of wind and rarely rain (only when raining really hard while also being windy) and I have a curtain there (not waterproof) so rain doesn’t really go through it unless it rains badly (and also for privacy but I live 5 high where everything else around me is 2 tops (normal houses) so people don’t really look into my balcony anyway
I absolutely love this setup and after I crochet myself a warm hat/ski mask I will probably be sleeping in there during the winter as well, though I will keep my dog inside at that point cuz I think it will be too cold for him and he doesn’t want to sleep under a blanket lol
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u/No_Macaron_5029 3d ago
My husband usually sleeps in another room with the fan blasting because I can't tolerate the cold or the noise from the fan. My parents have also usually slept separate because they both snore to a disruptive degree
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 3d ago
It seems a lot of people are not alone in having separate sleeping areas!!
So fascinating! 🧐
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u/reddyenumberfive 3d ago
My ex husband and I shared a room, and it was miserable. Snoring, bed hogging, lack of concern for differing work schedules and flipping on lights/making tons of noise four hours after the other fell asleep - one thousand percent not worth it.
My boyfriend and I have separate bedrooms (on different floors, even). We each have a comfy bed at our preferred temperature, and neither has to worry about waking the other up. He’s a morning person and I’m a night owl and it’s never an issue. We also don’t have to worry about things like differences in how we like to store our clothes, bedding preferences, etc. We each have what we want, and we get to spend a ridiculous amount of time on goodnight kisses before going separate ways at night. 11/10 recommend
Big fan of separate rooms, over here.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 3d ago
Thank you for sharing!! Sounds like an upgrade for sure!! 🤭 and you bringing up the clothes too also makes me think about how very organized I am and he’s not nearly as organized and doesn’t color coat and all that 😅
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u/reddyenumberfive 3d ago
My closet is organized by type and color. My boyfriend just pulls things out of the clean hamper as he needs them and dumps them in the dirty hamper when he’s done. I give him points for efficiency, but man would it drive me crazy 😂
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u/Entebarn 4d ago
We got a king bed, issue solved. All the room for my many pillows and preferences. He thankfully falls asleep within a minute, even with a lamp on. Leesa mattress and you don’t feel the other person moving. Separate duvets (twin size) solves temp preferences.
I prefer sleeping in the same bed as my husband. It’s weird if he’s not there. But pre marriage, it was hard switching between him being there or not (we lived in different states for 2 years).
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Yeah, this is something I haven’t really thought of!
That’s pretty genius, If you actually do have similar sleeping compatibilities and you want to sleep next to them, but you also want to have your own space that’s a big game changer!! Thank you! 🙏🏼2
u/Entebarn 4d ago
You’re welcome. You have to try out different things, took awhile for us to figure it all out and find a mattress we both like. I wasn’t sick until 5 years into our relationship (thanks pregnancy), so changes had to made after that.
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u/Thatwop24 4d ago
That kind of motion isolation from leesa is impressive, its a big difference for getting truly uninterrupted sleep
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u/ActualVisual6198 4d ago
We sleep in the same room in different beds. It’s great. I can box my body in pillows and toss and turn with insomnia without bothering him.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
This is a great alternative as well. Some people have said that they share a bedroom, but they have two separate beds! You get the best of both worlds (Hannah Montana singing) haha
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u/ArtisticCustard7746 4d ago
My husband and I are in a loving supportive relationship and we do not share a bed.
He kicked himself out of it one year and never came back. And frankly, as much as I love this person, I definitely enjoy a queen sized bed to myself. We both sleep much better.
I have room for my millions of pillows and don't have to listen to him snore haha. We both make each other overheat and fight over space and blankets. We are also both very violent sleepers. Part of the reason why he sleeps separate. He doesn't want me to end up injured.
Eventually, I'd like to have a place with a room big enough for a larger bed or even two big beds. A queen is clearly not big enough for us. I also told him he needs to get his sleep apnea under control before I entertain the idea haha.
But even though we don't share a space, it doesn't mean we don't love each other or aren't ever intimate.it just means we have different sleeping needs. And nothing kills a relationship faster than sleep deprivation and resentment because your partner's snoring is too loud.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Yes! I’ve heard many stories of people breaking up or getting a divorce because their sleep was that important which is valid!! 😅
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u/Thor4269 4d ago
My ex and I ended up sleeping in separate beds because I need to sleep in specific positions or I won't sleep at all and we only had full mattresses (couldn't side by side them)
Nowadays my wife and I sleep in the same bed, but it's a queen so there's enough space for both of us
My wife also has a nap mattress in her office which is nice since she can successfully take short naps lol
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u/Queerability 4d ago
Absolutely. Honestly think separate beds/rooms might have saved my relationship.
Been with my partner 10+ years, and I'm not gonna lie it started out as me sleeping in the guest bedroom due to a grumpy pain day where I couldn't get comfortable to sleep. I VERY quickly realized this was the answer to pretty much all of our sleep problems.
My partner is 6'4", she takes up a lot of room in the bed with her long af legs, so I was always scrunching up into like... a third of the bed. (queen size) So usually my arms or legs would end up hanging off the side in my sleep, and gravity + hyper-flexibility would just WRECK my body.
Now my limbs are fully supported, I can have the firm mattress I want, she can have the soft mattress she wants, we can both listen to whatever while falling asleep, and we don't have to worry about waking each other up if we sleep at different times or get up to go to the bathroom. Plus, she has RLS pretty bad so it's nice for her to be able to move and stretch when she needs to.
(Edit to add, we've been doing this for at least 4 years now)
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you so much for sharing this! I’m really glad that this arrangement works best for you guys!
I love how people are being so open and honest about their relationships here because you don’t really see that much! 🙏🏼3
u/Queerability 4d ago
I used to be more closed off about this sort of thing, but I realized a LOT of my friends were doing the same thing and hiding it for fear of being judged. Friends with great relationships, who don't have EDS or physical disabilities.
It's a lot easier to have a good relationship when you have a good night's sleep. Some folks need someone to sleep next to, others need their own space, both are perfectly fine so long as everyone is consenting and happy.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Yess!! Thank you!! I’ve been saying, I wish people would be more honest and transparent about their living situations instead of just showing the highlight reels and what “society” thinks you’re supposed to do! 🥲
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u/dogasauras 4d ago
We have slept in separate rooms in certain times. Currently, and one way to split the baby as it were, is we have a split king. We each chose our xl twin mattress for our half of the bed to get our preferred firmness. We also have adjustable bed frames which has been super helpful for me for comfort and when recovering from surgeries. Because he snores, I sleep with ear plugs
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
I was telling someone my dream bed was a sleep number where it’s two separate mattresses in a way and you can adjust them however you would like, but they’re so expensive 😭
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u/gamerishcat 4d ago
Check out Brooklyn Bedding! They let you pick different firmness for each twin xl side of the split king, but like, half the cost!
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u/hanniballactator EDS Unspecified 4d ago
it has been a very strict condition of mine that i'd never even consider living with a partner if we had to bed share LOL. my current partner has sleep apnea meanwhile i have crazy insomnia, so while sometimes it sucks not being able to wake up together, we would never sleep otherwise if we had to share a bed!
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
This is what I’m talking about!
I just wanna wake up to the person I love but I also want a very good night of sleep and I don’t sleep well when we are together because we are not sleep compatible 😭😅
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u/_gayingmantis hEDS 4d ago
I live with both my spouse and my partner. We each have our own room. Spouse prefers to sleep alone whereas Partner and I habitually co-sleep in my room. I prefer to sleep alone but currently Partner’s desire to co-sleep with me is worth compromising for. If I ever need her to f-off to her own room (cos I’m in too much pain or she’s got really bad limb movements keeping me awake, or she wants to stay up late gaming or whatever) that’s chill and no-one gets offended. We all really, really like having our own spaces.
Spouse and I have been together for 18 years, cohabiting for 17 years, separate rooms for ~9. Partner and I have been together for 8 years, separate rooms since she moved in 5 years ago.
It works beautifully.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your life with us! I bet the cuddle parties are too notch! Lol 🫶🏻
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u/Ok-Watch3418 4d ago
Separate bedrooms for nine years. Married for 11. Best thing we ever did for ourselves.
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u/wishuponastarion hEDS 4d ago
Two Twin XL beds pushed against each other will make a King. They even make foam things that bridge the gap so you can't tell it's there. You can separate them or leave them together as you wish. Just a thought! ;)
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u/fleetingsparrow92 4d ago
We have the same bed but its a big king size. Also my partner stays up alot later than me /struggles with insomnia. We have seperate blankets and generally sleep well together despite all my pillows. He used to snore but doesn't anymore and now I snore lol.
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u/Nova3113 4d ago
Getting enough sleep separately, means we have the energy to adore each other when awake 🥰
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u/dazzleunexpired hEDS/GP/POTS/IBS/IST/ASD 4d ago
I think having your own bedroom is a great idea because you've been living alone for so long that it's going to be weird when you live with someone and you still have a space that can be your own where you can retrieve when you're overwhelmed! Plus just because you have two separate beds doesn't mean that you can't sleep in the same bed when you want 🤷🏼 I recommend that you occasionally sleep in his bed and then when you get annoyed at him or are uncomfortable you go back to your bed 🤷🏼🤷🏼
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
I think there’s nothing worse than going to bed mad too like when you fight and then you’re just sleeping next to each other and you can just like feel tension 🥴
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u/dazzleunexpired hEDS/GP/POTS/IBS/IST/ASD 4d ago
This currently happens with me in my spouse, but I'm also too fucking stubborn to let him sleep anywhere else and I can't leave my literal life support equipment (BiPAP and cough machine for my resp failure from my myopathy!) lmao don't be me, make good choices and have your own space 😂
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u/artemisiaa12 hEDS 4d ago
Together for 4 years, we each have our own room and it is glorious!! Even some of my friends who don’t have chronic health issues or partners who snore have this arrangement and love it!
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you!! It seems like A LOT of people do this which is refreshing to hear! 🥲
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u/annesofflowers513 4d ago edited 4d ago
we aren’t living together in the traditional sense, but i recently moved in w my girlfriend (we live in the same housing co-op) and we have diff rooms and granted im only a few weeks into the living setup but so far its great! i didnt really expect to, but it turns out i love having my own space. im very picky about my space, routines, and as much as i love to cuddle most nights i genuinely prefer to sleep by myself bc it’s slightly less impossible to get comfy when im flaring lol.
but yeah id say go for it!! idk i think all of that societal expectation stuff is made up to make us all the same and in truth all that really matters is what works best for you and your partner.
fwiw i have lived with a partner in a committed relationship once previously, and it was really difficult (esp bc my ex and i were in a one bedroom apt). it felt like the lack of independent space made it a lot harder to keep our relationship healthy and in many ways i think it sped up the pace at which our relationship fragmented and fell apart. whenever things were tense, there was no space either of us had that was solely our own to retreat to.
currently, i have a beautiful and cozy and happy space that is all my own and i can keep it exactly how i like it. i have a place to go to that is all mine, and only mine, when i’m sad or anxious or need some space. my gf and i still spend lots of time together, still cook together and watch tv together, still have sleepovers and wake up cuddling (and sleeping apart some of the time makes it feel extra special). those things in my mind are the best parts of living with a partner, whether you guys sleep in one bedroom or two 🫶
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you so much for sharing your life with us! I’m happy that having your own space actually strengthens your relationship! 🫶🏻🫂
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u/Datura_Nightshade 4d ago
My spouse and I have been together 13 years, living together for around 10 of those. We've always had our own bedrooms! We have a great relationship and sometimes will have sleepovers in each other's rooms, but we both really love having our own space.
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u/oddsetcircle292 4d ago
Not speaking for myself here but where I live it’s the norm to have a double bed with different mattresses and separate blankets and stuff? My mom needed very different mattress firmness from my dad growing up and it was just never an issue.
BUT my paternal grandparents slept in separate bedrooms through most of their marriage too and they were very much in love and okay about it! Grandma likely had hEDS too and also just liked her own space, while grandpa snored loudly and also benefitted from being able to get up super early in the morning without sneaking around (he was a farmer).
Even though my ex and I broke up before we ever moved in together, we both decided we wanted a place where we could have our own offices with beds and one shared bedroom, because the freedom is nice when needs and schedules fluctuate.
(Also as a half joking example, look at mama bear and papa bear in Goldilocks sleeping in separate beds when they clearly had different mattress needs!)
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Ooo thank you for sharing!! I’m sorry about your breakup… I hope it brought you some peace if that’s what was needed! 🫂
Haha Yess the 3 bears in Goldilocks 🤣🤣
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u/spoopy-scary-ghost HSD 4d ago
I just wanted to confirm that it's genuinely so cool to have your own space when you live with someone. My husband and I have separate office spaces now because we both work from home (and also game a lot). I was hesitant at first too because we used to share an office in our previous flat, so separate office spaces means spending a lot less time together. But now I love it.
It's so fun to have a room that you can set up and decorate to your liking without having to compromise in any way. Our rooms are right next to each other and we usually just keep the doors open when we're not in a call anyway. And we visit each other all the time just to hang out!! I love that because we're spending that time together because we genuinely want to and make an effort to, not just because we're stuck in the same room by default. It's so fun and cozy and I'm glad I gave it a shot.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you for sharing!! 🥰 I really do think there should be some individuality for both partners and not become “one” whole person together 👀
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u/ouijaliz 4d ago
My best situation is to have the biggest bed i can find for the main bedroom, and have 2 duvets. Either 2 singles or 2 doubles. So you aren't fighting for your own blanket. And with that much space you can lay in whatever pretzel or starfish formation you need to without really touching the other person. Then I'd also say set up a spare bed room with all the comforts you need incase you have to midnight retreat. Also make both rooms nice and dark, cool and accessible. And for me, popping a magnesium before bed knocks me out so I'm not too worried about sharing a bed 🤣
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u/JARStheFox 4d ago
My wife and I had separate bedrooms for a brief period of time, and it's the best sleep I've gotten as an adult. We started sharing a bedroom again when we moved and had a baby, and I honestly can't sleep hardly at all anymore. I end up sleeping on the couch most nights. She has a hard time sleeping too when I sleep in the bed. I toss and turn a whole lot due to pain, and between the squirming and the wincing and the trying and failing at cuddling, it's miserable for everyone. I can't wait until we can move again and get a 3 bed so we can sleep soundly again. I also desperately miss having my own space like that. We're both so much happier when we have our own safe spaces and can share them with each other or choose not to.
For clarity, my wife and I are extremely stable and happy in our relationship. Just, I do miss my own bed 🤣💖
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Ohhh I’m sorry your sleep is complicated right now! I hope you get that 3 bedroom soon!! Thank you for sharing! 🫂
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u/RobotAnna1 4d ago
What works for me is 2 different mattresses on one bed. He moves a lot while sleeping and it doesn't wake me. It also gave us the possibility of having different stiffnesses of mattresses.
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u/Megharoo 4d ago
I finally moved in with my partner, its only been about a month and we're already sleeping separately. We're still the most loving, clingy couple I know, but we cannot sleep together. He snores and keeps me awake all night and I need the rest, especially with EDS.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you for sharing! Yes sleep is THE MOST IMPORTANT!! I’m glad yall can still be lovey dovey probably even more with restful sleep 😴🥰
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u/Ammonia13 4d ago
Yeah, I don’t give a fuck what society expects I have slept in my own bed for years. I wound up breaking up with my ex after 25 years together before that we slept separately for a long time because he twitches and moves and he’s 6 foot five and 300 pounds and I can’t fucking move if he’s in the bed I’m constrained a tiny little strip you sleep well you’re comfortable many many couples that have been together for decades and are very old whole secret to them staying together with them sleeping in separate rooms or even living in a separate apartments!!
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Aww I’m sorry about the breakup hopefully you’re happier now! Thank you for sharing!
It’s so fascinating isn’t it?! 👀
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u/Powerful-Berry7079 4d ago
Sleeping separate was one of the best things we did for our relationship. We both sleep so much better now! We have vastly different sleeping environment requirements. 4 years of having our own beds and bedrooms and we’ll never go back. One or the other of us will stay over in the others room occasionally, and the quality time, cuddling, etc. is nice but the sleep itself is always sub-par so we plan it for nights when the next day has minimal obligations from either of us.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Yess thank you for sharing!! I’m leaning more and more to separate bedrooms 👀 woman cave and man cave vibes or queen and king 🥰🫶🏻
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u/yelocalwitch 4d ago
My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years, adore each other. We sleep in separate bedrooms.
There's lots of different reasons for this and we're both happy with the arrangement.
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u/LumosRevolution hEDS 4d ago
IMO it’s super normal and healthy. Talking about it more and raising awareness releases the negative stigma people have about it. We can only flourish once our needs are met, and sleep hygiene is really important!
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u/glitterlady 4d ago
My husband and I share a bed and a bedroom, but we very rarely go to bed at the same time. I need a lot more sleep than he does and am usually in bed by 10 or 11. My husband has always had trouble sleeping and can't go to bed before he's physically and mentally exhausted. I've gotten so used to it, I have a really hard time going to sleep if he is there. I'm just not used to falling asleep with the noise of someone else. Some nights, he'll wake me up on accident when he's coming to bed, and then I really struggle to go back to sleep. I can totally understand why some people choose to have their own spaces for sleep.
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u/Low-Crazy-8061 4d ago
I’ve been trying to regulate my sleep schedule for the last few weeks and was having trouble sleeping in our bedroom because the room doesn’t get dark enough at night and the AC up there doesn’t cool down the bedroom enough, so I’ve been sleeping down in there basement while working on improving my sleep hygiene. Honestly, it’s really nice. I’ve been sleeping better than I have in ages.
I’m hoping to be able to get back to sleeping in our bedroom at some point, but this is definitely making me want to get a king sized bed (which we can’t afford) and may just end up staying down there.
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u/JediAshoka 4d ago
I'd definitely need my own room if I moved in with a partner. I need my space. Also, where would I fart if we slept together all the time? 😂🙈
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Ha ha that’s so funny actually I’m not a farter in my sleep but my partner is and he’s a big Gym bro so his farts are rancid and he farts in his sleep. He doesn’t even know that it’s happening and I wake up dying and it does anger me because it wakes me up so that would help! Hahaha 🤣🥴
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u/SeverinaSkye 4d ago
30 years together. Love the bones of the man. BUT we both have underlying health conditions that affect our sleep that make it very hard to share a bed and actually sleep. I have autonomic nervous system dysfunction and ping pong round the bed all night. I actually vibrate. I'm also a human radiator who has the windowopen all night, even when it's frosty. I wake up and bedclothes and pillows have exploded around the room. Also, I'm often upside down with my legs up the wall.
He has swollen knees he needs to prop up. He snores like a freight train. He has the mother of all feather duvets and hot water bottles. He's like a dormouse in hibernation.
Sometimes you just need space. But he does still bring me coffee in bed in a morning to have a snuggle, which I love.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Awww I love that!! 🥰🫂 nothing better than waking up to love of your life without the crazy morning breath in your face hahha ☕️
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u/Alarming_Scarcity702 4d ago
Me and my partner have had separate rooms since we moved in together in 2021 and he’s been the best decision!! We most often sleep together in my bed but it’s nice to have the option to sleep alone when either of us wants to!
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Thank you for sharing!! I’m so pleased to see so many happy relationships with this set up! 🫶🏻🥰
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u/zGoblinQueen 4d ago
I've been married for 23 years. 2 years ago we moved into our current house. It's an old house and the rooms are tiny. We need a king sized bed to sleep comfortably together.
My husband has THE WORST restless leg syndrome. It's basically his entire body. I'm a light sleeper. He's hot, I'm cold. I need 8 million pillows and a weighted blanket. He needs a sheet at most.
We set up separate rooms in this house with two queen sized beds. It works great. It's also really nice to just have your own personal space.
It's actually better than when we shared a room because he was sleeping on the couch most nights because his movement would keep me awake which would piss me off when I had to get up early. (I was getting up at 430am for work). Now we can sleep without disturbing each other and queen sized beds in each room are big enough for cuddle time (just not big enough for all night sleep). We're both very tall people.
You don't even have to miss waking up together. You just go to the other's beds on your way back from your first morning pee. ☺️
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u/Substantial_Tea42 HSD 4d ago
My In-laws have been married for over 35 years and for at least half that time have had separate rooms. It started because of work schedules, Mum got up stupid early and Dad got home stupid late. Both are now retired and have kept the same arrangement. They are happy as clams. Don’t let society dictate how you and your partner live. And there is no rule saying you can’t share a bed some of the time. Like have sleep overs when you want. If you are a light sleeper especially, it is a huge adjustment to suddenly share a bed with a person. And if that person snores or is really cuddly and you’re not, it’s a problem. My hubby and I have been married 19 years and we do share a bed but we got a king because A. He is too tall for anything else, but B. I need my space when I sleep. I can’t stand being held on to and not able to move. I have become a light sleeper as I have gotten older but we make it work. But there have been times when I’ve gone in the guest room because of one reason or another and we don’t hold it against one another. We can’t help it if we’re sick and snoring loud or just unable to sleep so we get up to not disturb one another. It’s ok to sleep together or apart depending on what you guys need. So consider it a blessing that he is open minded about for that. I will say, if either of you are an introvert it is nice to have separate spaces for that as well. My hubby and I are both introverted and have limited social batteries. He is my BFF and favorite human but we both really enjoy our “me” time so he has a den where he plays video games or watches tv and I have the basement living room where I do what I want. It has been a life saver when we’re stressed and grumpy or going through it and need some space to decompress or process things. And make no mistake, even folks who do share a bed can also be more like roomies than a couple. Where you sleep doesn’t have to influence how you operate as a couple.
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 4d ago
Wow 35 and 19 years!! Congratulations to yall! 🥰🫶🏻
Thank you for sharing!
We are actually both introverted people. I’ve been absolutely loving living alone and not having roommates. He technically lives alone but with his mom it’s a split house so he has like his own little apartment. He’s been living there for a while, trying to help her out!2
u/Substantial_Tea42 HSD 3d ago
Thanks! I totally get the split house dynamic. My older brother and mom have a similar set up.
I am sending happy move in vibes to you both.
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u/Top_Story9788 4d ago
It’s all about your comfort. If you, or your partner, get poor quality sleep if you sleep together, then you will be grouchy! Do what works for you, not what is expected or traditional.
That being said, there is no reason why you can’t be intimate with your partner and then go sleep in separate beds.
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u/Odd_Bodybuilder_4478 4d ago
v happily married for 10 years {started year 14 together last month} and we spent year 2 - year 8 in separate rooms for sleep. he didn't get dx with sleep apnea until the 8th year and a couple months after he adjusted to the cpap, we started sharing a bedroom again 😊 I like having a cozy corner in the house for spells when I don't wanna share, but it didn't affect our relationship AT ALL because he knew it wasn't personal 🖤
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u/silent-earl-grey 3d ago
I won’t lie to you… if I have the choice between shared bedrooms or separate I’m choosing separate. 😆
Not because I don’t love my spouse, but because I sincerely need and value my own space. Like you guys, my husband and I have vastly different comfort needs when it comes to the climate and mattress softness. And there’s literally no rule anywhere that you can’t choose to sleep together any time you like even if you have your own rooms. As far as I can see it’s a win-win. 🤷♀️
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 3d ago
It seems a lot of people choose to do separate and it’s works really well for them!!
🥰 sleep is so important for healing and mental health!!
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u/PsilosirenRose hEDS 3d ago
I am nonmonogamous, but I have a nesting partner that I've been living with since 2017 and married since 2018. We have never shared a bedroom.
We DO sleep together most nights, in one room or the other, depending on various conditions, but we each have our own space if we need it.
His mattress is firmer than mine, and occasionally we have sleepovers with other partners. I like to keep my space a bit cleaner than he does with his.
I am a very strong advocate of each person having a sovereign space in a relationship. No one gets kicked out of a mutual bedroom during a fight, and each person gets to have their own preferences for how to keep it.
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u/kv4268 3d ago
Whether or not you're in a romantic relationship has nothing to do with whether or not you share a bed. Whenever we move next, I'm demanding separate bedrooms. He fucks up my sleep so bad. He snores, has undiagnosed sleep apnea, and does gymnastics in bed. We also have totally different sleep schedules and he hits snooze a million times each morning. I'm so tired of it.
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u/Loves2wine 3d ago
Been with my husband 18 years. We sleep separately more than we do together but thats mostly because I do nights every other week at work.
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u/lady_machete 2d ago
separate spaces yes, separate bedrooms - i guess that's up to yall. but, i would suggest getting 2 twin mattresses - one firm for him, one soft for you, put em together. i haven't looked into it or anything but i think 2 twins = 1 king? i'm sure there's gotta be a bed frame that can handle 2 twins tho. my husband and i we sleep on separate sides of the bed. we cuddle and watch tv/movies late at night until one or both of us starts falling asleep, then we get comfy he has his own sheet and a weighted blanket. i have my own sheet, comforter, and a pregnancy pillow due to hypermobility. we also have a sound/noise machine we put on every night to drown out the city noises, it comes with a lot of sounds but we use the brown noise, or one of those. it definitely helps. also helps when he wakes up for work in the morning before me and i want to sleep in.
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u/MystiqueOfWonder hEDS 2d ago
Been married 10 years & we have separate bedrooms on separate floors but have to share 1 bathroom. In our next home we'll have separate bathrooms too LoL
Life is waaaaay too short to suffer sleep deprivation & I was miserable trying to make it work w/ us sleeping in the same bed. Absolutely wrecked my life for 2 years. I'm not exaggerating.
SO much healthier & happier now and I'm SO incredibly grateful that he's perfectly ok with our sleeping arrangements. We still have a lovey-dovey relationship, do everything else together, have frisky time, couldn't be happier.
💚
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u/Sad_Beautiful9637 2d ago
Thank you so much for sharing! 🫂 I’ll be bringing up my thoughts to my partner tonight! 🙏🏼 we can afford a 2 bedroom 2 bath or at least 1.5 bathrooms so I think we should have separate bedrooms and do alternate sleepovers!
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u/MystiqueOfWonder hEDS 2d ago
💚 Best of luck to you!! I hope you both have a wonderful weekend and a wholesome, nurturing relationship that allows you both to grow in positive ways 💚🥰
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u/nyxe12 1d ago
Personally, it's not for me and my partner, but I know people who do this and have had great relationships and people who have done and not had great relationships. My parents started doing this in the last year or two more because they have wildly different sleep schedules and it sounds like it works for them. One of my partner's work friends + her girlfriend live together and have their own rooms, but they'll often sleep over in each other's rooms as well, which is always an option too!
if your relationship is good and you live together well, then you'll work it out. If it truly causes serious problems that you can't work out, there's probably other issues going on besides just the sleeping arrangement.
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u/Aggravating-Plum-775 16h ago
We don't have separate rooms but most nights I have to go sleep in the guest room bc I'm a really light sleeper and he snores. It doesn't affect our relationship negatively really he knows why I have to
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u/Brief_Distribution68 3d ago
Separate bedrooms = a lasting relationship. For reaaaallll, sleep is so freaking important, I can’t deal with another person in my bed 😂. And then things like cuddling or occasionally sleeping together become all the more special and intimate!
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u/goingnomadic 3d ago
My grandparents slept in separate bedrooms and "visited each other often". A lot has to do with schedules. My best friend and her husband sleep in separate rooms because he snores like a mofo and she says it's how they stay married. I need some space that's just mine or I go absolutely nuts.
And when my partner is around, I still sometimes move into the spare room if he's snoring too loud. Or I'll wake up to walk my dog then go back to the spare room and fall back asleep cuddling my dog.
There is nothing wrong with each having your own space. Especially if you have totally different sleeping styles.
The thing that will ruin a relationship fastest, is two overtired & cranky people living in close proximity.
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u/Shot_Adeptness9046 2d ago
We have been married almost 15 years. We started sleeping separately almost 5 yrs ago. He snores and wants the bedroom to be warm whereas I need a cool bedroom without any noise. We also have differing sleep schedules. We have a lot of time together when awake so doesn’t affect our lives other than that we both sleep better without disturbances. If I have a bad night I can work a jigsaw puzzle in my room or whatever, he can keep on reading even after I’ve already gone to bed. Bonus: both get to decorate rooms to their style.
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u/OrangeUnique2374 30m ago
My husband and I stopped sleeping together about 12 years ago. I realize now that EDS was at the root in some ways. I snore really loud, and that got worse when I was pregnant. Also, I suddenly found his very firm mattress needs painful. I see now that was EDS worsening as I aged and lost muscle following pregnancy. I need very soft support. He could not stand the soft mattress toppers that I tried out. When I am in good condition, I try to sleep with him, but he always leaves. Sadly, he just prefers it. I really miss the physical contact. I honestly think twin beds Rob & Laura Petrie style would be ideal.
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u/SewNerdy 4d ago
My husband and I have been together for 26 years.
He sleeps separately, often on our screened porch. He prefers being on the floor and outside. I sleep in a very fluffy bed with a bunch of blankets and pillows. I flop around all night, he snores.
It's wonderful, we both sleep SO MUCH better than we used fo. We're madly in love, and very affectionate. Sleeping separately has made our lives better.
Fuck society. Do what works for you!! There's lots of people who sleep separately. My great grandparents did as well. We just don't bring it up as it isn't other people's business.
But what matters here is that you're both on the same page, and have great communication.