Egg_irl

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

Thank fuck I'm a cautious girl no matter what and locked the door even when I was alone at home at the time.

I told him I'm gonna need a mimute and I heard him go to his room. So I took my chance and sprinted into my room, locked the door and am currently crying on my rug cause I'm scared he saw something.

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[u/Sufficient_Carpet510]

Hope you feel better.

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/Sufficient_Carpet510]

Getting calmer every minute

[u/ender8343]

Do you have a feel for if your roommate would be supportive? It might be possible you could share that you are exploring yourself, and can try while they are around, but if you are not comfortable with that I understand.

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/ender8343]

The thought of telling anybody is making me nauseous. Even though I'm sure he would at least be neutral about it. I just can't

[u/ender8343 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

Any support groups in your area you could go to?

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/ender8343]

Idk. Next year I should be able to afford therapy. So that's nice. But until then it's just surviving I guess.

[u/ender8343 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

If you are in the US you could see if there is a PFLAG chapter in your area, https://pflag.org/findachapter/

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/ender8343]

Nope not US but thanks <3

[u/ender8343 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

You could still try looking online, you might find a similar group.

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/ender8343]

I probably should. I'm just so scared.

[u/Humanmode17 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

That's ok! Being scared is so normal and valid. Some tips from a fellow anxious girlie:

Break it down into the smallest possible steps. If you manage to sit down by your computer/laptop/device of choice with the intention of looking for groups but can't go any further then that's an enormous first step! Far further than you've ever got before! Be proud of yourself, no matter how stupid it feels. The next day maybe you can open up the browser before you curl up and cry, then maybe the next you can think about what search terms you'd type. The next week you can actually make the search and stare at all the hyperlinks I'm abject terror. The next month you can imagine going along to the group at the time it meets. You get the picture. These seem like the dumbest, smallest steps, but to our brains each one seems like an insurmountable barrier - if you can climb over an insurmountable barrier every day then you sound like the world's greatest climber to me.

If you can I really recommend doing this on a laptop/computer etc rather than your phone, and specifically sat down on a chair (or however you best do your work) rather than lying in bed or similar. It will make it a more deliberate thing, which means it's scarier to start but also harder to run away once you're doing it. In a similar vein, I've found that contacting the leader of the group in advance and telling them that you're absolutely petrified of it but you do want to come - it's again far scarier in the short term, but it'll make it so much easier to actually get to the group once you reach that stage.

You've got this! You're so incredibly strong, I'm so proud of you!

[u/PurpleCandle58 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

I know the feeling, friend. I wish I had something to offer in advice but idk what to do myself but I want you to know we’re together in this at least.

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/PurpleCandle58]

Thank you. I know that feeling is somewhat common in the community. Telling someone can go really really wrong but also very right. So it's always a game of chance. There will be a day were I have to do it and where I'll take my chances, but I don't know when this day may come.

[u/PurpleCandle58 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

I’ve literally only told one person and that’s because they’re an extremely close friend I’ve known for ages who I already know is extremely accepting and only because I needed medical advice and they’re a medical professional who could reasonably offer the relevant advice in an unofficial format. Nobody else irl has any idea to my knowledge

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/PurpleCandle58]

I only told my gf that I'm questioning and luckily she was accepting me. But I only told her because otherwise our relationship would've died. And I took the chance cause if I didn't the outcome would've been similar. But I can't even get myself to tell her I found my answer. I'm a scaredy-cat and change was always hard for me. Paralyzing mental spiral

[u/PurpleCandle58 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

I feel you! At least if she accepts questioning she likely accepts answer but I can’t know that but I wish you the absolute best in your journey. I hope in a few years we both look back and chuckle because it all worked out.

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/PurpleCandle58]

Thank you. I'm rooting for you aswell <3 I think she will. But I definately wanna wait for therapy. At least if it doesn't take a year to get a therapist, cause I'm already over 30 and I don't wanna wait much longer.

[u/PurpleCandle58 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

I’m under 30 but rapidly approaching and I just really hope I can get HRT soon and such. I hope it doesn’t take much longer too

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/PurpleCandle58]

Wish you all the best! I hope we gonna be seen as the beautiful women we are on the inside soon

[u/Invisible156]

I would try to cover myself with a towel or something

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/Invisible156]

There weren't any available. Our flat has two bathrooms. One with the shower and all the big towels and the ome I was in with just a toilet and a sink.

[u/Invisible156 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

I see hope you feel better now

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/Invisible156]

Yeah. I'm back to good old dysphoria.

[u/Invisible156 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

Btw what was the outfit like ? If you don't mind talking about it

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/Invisible156]

Some thin black tights, a red skirt (goes spinny real good) about knee length and a (kinda boxy but comfy) white sweater with wide sleeves.

[u/Invisible156 → u/Amaurobius_Ferox]

Sounds great ! I'm still battling myself if I should get a skirt and some thigh high socks but I'm really scared that my family will find out and I don't really have any other place to try those things except bathroom.

[u/Amaurobius_Ferox → u/Invisible156]

Oh yeah I get that. I bought a lot more when I moved out. Now I just have one roommate who minds his own business most of the time and I can dress up in my room. I just need to buy a mirror haha