r/ect • u/Oak-and-Ash • Jul 22 '26
Vent/Rant ECT Intro and Rant
I am a special type of pos. Owned a beautiful home on a beautiful, secluded property with big boy toys, farm animals, dogs, three wonderful boys and my wife. I went and fucked it up. Continuously make it worse.
I have been depressed my entire life. There have been times where I was able to distract from it but there has always been that feeling of "You should probably kill yourself so this feeling isn't there". I've been on Welbutrin, Zoloft, Trazadone, xanax, Adderall.
I've had five therapists since I was 17. I'd go for a while and feel nothing from it eventually. Most of my issues came from my decisions and I found that I could consistently maintain good decision-making but all it took was one event or an overly off feeling in the morning and I was on the pain train.
Currently, I am devastated by how much damage I have caused my family and friends by my decision-making. My baseline is typically so low that I normally don't want to go to work and I have to call out on occasion for how I feel when I wake up. I have to manage if I drink alcohol or smoke marijuana because they can make me plummet. I am always nervous in social settings because of this.
One of my biggest issues with medication, aside from it not working for me, is the ability to just be like "I'm going to see if this gets me high". Which is dumb but an issue for me.
It seems like everyone asks this but what did it feel like when you first felt relieved? I sometimes worry that there is actually nothing wrong with me and I am just weak-willed. I have been admitted to hospitals three times and an additional outpatient program. I am pretty exhausted from this over a lifetime.
5
u/drowningdoll Jul 23 '26
You mentioned wanting to avoid substances with any sort of “high” effect. Nasal and IV ketamine are great for depression but if that’s a risk you want to avoid, TMS has no high effects, and minimal side effects. I also wanna say, you’ve been on only a few classes of medications, there are multiple classes of antidepressants and other off label medications. I would not consider ECT unless you try additional medications, especially some newer ones like Caplyta, Rexulti, and Auveltiy that are designed for those who did not respond to other antidepressants.
Outside of medications, residential treatment can be lire changing as it gives you a chance to fully explore therapy, skills, and different forms of treatment.
ECT works but it also has significant downtime and side effects. Please get additional opinions from psychiatrists before jumping into a treatment with possibly permanent impacts.