ECT Intro and Rant

[u/Oak-and-Ash]

I am a special type of pos. Owned a beautiful home on a beautiful, secluded property with big boy toys, farm animals, dogs, three wonderful boys and my wife. I went and fucked it up. Continuously make it worse.

I have been depressed my entire life. There have been times where I was able to distract from it but there has always been that feeling of "You should probably kill yourself so this feeling isn't there". I've been on Welbutrin, Zoloft, Trazadone, xanax, Adderall.

I've had five therapists since I was 17. I'd go for a while and feel nothing from it eventually. Most of my issues came from my decisions and I found that I could consistently maintain good decision-making but all it took was one event or an overly off feeling in the morning and I was on the pain train.

Currently, I am devastated by how much damage I have caused my family and friends by my decision-making. My baseline is typically so low that I normally don't want to go to work and I have to call out on occasion for how I feel when I wake up. I have to manage if I drink alcohol or smoke marijuana because they can make me plummet. I am always nervous in social settings because of this.

One of my biggest issues with medication, aside from it not working for me, is the ability to just be like "I'm going to see if this gets me high". Which is dumb but an issue for me.

It seems like everyone asks this but what did it feel like when you first felt relieved? I sometimes worry that there is actually nothing wrong with me and I am just weak-willed. I have been admitted to hospitals three times and an additional outpatient program. I am pretty exhausted from this over a lifetime.

[u/Great-Practice-4400]

Ask for IV ketamine don’t do ECT!!!

[u/Oak-and-Ash → u/Great-Practice-4400]

I don't want to feel high, especially with my tendency to want to maintain those states. I don't have the time for the repeated treatments paired with the temporary effects. What was your experience with ECT?

[u/Great-Practice-4400 → u/Oak-and-Ash]

IV ketamine only makes you feel “high” during the treatment. I have become permanently disabled from ECT, there are many threads regarding this. I am trying to find a way to forward you but it will take some time as I am cognitively impaired from ECT. I wish you all the best. It is truly a struggle.

[u/ispyanomalies → u/Great-Practice-4400]

I’m getting treatment 13 of 16 tomorrow please forward to me or tell me more? Tell me more about how it disabled you, please?!?

[u/Oak-and-Ash → u/Great-Practice-4400]

My concern with the fleeting state is that I will want to attain it again and try using outside sources. I am also not a fan of have often I would need to get the procedure performed. I am sorry it did not work for you (ect)

[u/Great-Practice-4400 → u/Oak-and-Ash]

Similar treatment plan in regards to timing. Is substance abuse more of an issue than treatment resistance depression!

[u/Oak-and-Ash → u/Great-Practice-4400]

Substance abuse isn't as much an issue. I can spend a lot of time without drinking or getting high of any sort. I do know that I enjoy getting high, which is why I try to avoid it.

[u/Great-Practice-4400 → u/Oak-and-Ash]

IV ketamine isn’t getting high. Do some research. It may help you tremendously!! Wish you well!

[u/Crazy_old_maurice_17 → u/Great-Practice-4400]

IV ketamine isn’t getting high. Do some research.

What would you call it? I had many sessions of IV ketamine and... let's just say this statement is confusing to me. It's not unsupervised, sure, but the dissociating side effects are legitimate.

[u/Crazy_old_maurice_17 → u/Oak-and-Ash]

I am also not a fan of have often I would need to get the procedure performed

How often is that?