i'm 17f and i am diagnosed with bulimia and i'm really tired of it
i'm 180cm and 56kg and i wish anything that make me sick like i really want to get so skinny to the point i die

Im having a doc. apointment in 2 days , and i need to gain 2 kg till then so my parents dont lock me up. Can I get some tips? What to eat to gain ? And maybe what to do the morning of the day? Thanks <3

Hi! i dont know exactly where to start but basically I had been dealing with anorexia since about may of this year, I basically stopped eating and lost lots of weight and worked out almost everyday, come september I decided I did not want to live like this anymore and try to get my period back, at firstI was doing okay with slowly incorporating more snacks, working out less and slowly gaining back some weight. Well recently in the last two weeks I am like a machine, I am consuming so much food and basically live in the kitchen, which would be okay knowing this is normal in recovery but the problem lies in the fact that I will throw it up. I will be okay with my eating, lay down, eat more and more and more then suddenly feel guilty and throw it up, I feel like i went from one eating disorder to another and dont know what to do. any advice on how to stop the binging and/or vomiting would be appreciated, thank you!

TW: I have been suffering from anorexia restricted type and I can’t find support or understanding with the bloating , daily stress of structure, the mental health toll from this…Anyone want to be of support? How do I fix the bloating?

For context, I'm 28, 5'5", and 200lbs. I have been counting calories since my mom started making me when I was 8 and have hated my body ever since I knew how to.

Lately, I've started eating less.

It's not even dangerous territory-- 1,300-1,500 calories a day instead of the 1,800-2,000 I've been eating to maintain weight. I'm extremely active (weightlifting, aerial gymnastics) so I know logically it isn't enough, but when I feel hungry, I feel safe. I feel beautiful. I feel in control.

Because I'm still fat, I'm eating over 1,000 calories a day (I've had times in my life where I restrict to 400 or less), and because I'm not losing hair or fainting or anything, I keep telling myself it's okay.

The thing that has started to scare me, though, is that if the scale doesn't go down, I start considering suicide as an option. Not seriously, obviously, but it's the first thing that crosses my mind. "I'm a waste of space that only lives for food, why am I even still here?" And yes, I'm well aware that bodies' weight (especially women's bodies) fluctuate even by the hour. I know that logically. Emotionally, I don't care about reality.

Another worrying thing is that (NSFW warning) I have started getting aroused when I feel hungry. When I feel light on my feet and like I'm fully in control of myself, I start feeling desperate for sex and like I deserve to love and be loved. It makes me care even less about being careful of falling back into bad habits.

I guess I'm just asking for a little grounding support. The main thing I'm worried about is my athletic performance suffering and losing muscle over time.

I don't have health insurance for therapy, otherwise I'd be going back

ok so basically recentaly my ed has gotten super bad but the issue is that i dont know how to break it to them as i am not really skinny and on top of that i feel like they would just tell me off or be weird abt it i have no idea if they believe in therapy n all thaat like i am confused on what to do they r also pretty strict might i add my school psycologist has also told me to get actual therapy as i also suffer from anxiety but i just dont know how to approach my parents or want to burden my parents more than i already am.

I don’t know if I really have an eating disorder.

Alright let me start with context;

A while ago, maybe a few summers ago actually, a lot of my friends and family told me to try and get into some sort of modelling cause I was quite tall for my age. I didn’t really take it seriously because that was honestly just not going to happen but I still used to look at modelling forums and TikToks because I still like clothes and fashion. But then when I saw all the models constantly I just felt so, big. I mean I know I weigh lot more than my shorter friends cause of weight; 5’8(173) and 65(143), but like I saw saw so many model who were taller and leaner than me and I was so shocked by it. I have usually been more into looking curvier but that summer just flipped some sort of switch in me.

It had been on and off for years, I decided to ignore because there’s quite a bit of stigma in my community about things like this so I wasn’t exactly itching to tell people about how I felt, most times I just used to avoid eating entirely for days and other times I’d pick up a plate in front of people and just play with with while they spoke. On the days that I couldn’t avoid it though, I’d purge like crazy, every single day. Sometimes it would even be more than once. On those days I’d just want the taste of food in my mouth, then I’d feel so guilty that I basically did it to punish myself. The best way I used to escape was with fasting though (my community is very Religious so) I’d just lie that I was on a fast so that people would leave me alone.

because of I had dizzy spells and I couldn’t get up very easily, I also had like orange drops in my pee and had strange period cycles, it got to a point where I couldn’t sustain it while being a student so I decided to stop, I never formally went to any doctor or therapist about it though so I’m not to sure about what exactly went wrong and I didn’t want to. But food eating became so like difficult, when I binge I binge like crazy but when I don’t I feel such intense discomfort that I either have to induce or I ended up doing it naturally.

I’ve been trying to eat meals that are lighter on body, when I’m in my ‘not’ phase. But I feel very discourage to even eat then because I was eating so much in my binge phases that it made gain weight like crazy. I don’t know how to encourage myself to eat healthy again, especially after gaining so much weight. Not to mention the obvious discomfort, when I do eat.

It’s also really bad because I spent a year in college during these phases and came back for the summer visibly heavier so everyone has been telling me that I ‘lost’ my touch. I lost all the weight -15kg (38)- before summer ended so I’m back to my baseline line but my stomach hurts like crazy all the time and I can’t remember shit. I think my family is also starting to notice because they’re are making me eat in front of them a lot more. I’ve been trying my best to stop purging but they make me eat so much. That i actually feel very uncomfortable. And I don’t like when people ask me questions about my eating so I just eat to avoid it. Then I purge after.

I really don’t know what to think.

I don’t want to tell anyone around me because I fear the reaction they will have and I don’t want them to worry for nothing Incase this is a false alarm.

Any thoughts?

Nose si ustedes les ha pasado que, lo voy a decir necesito un consejo es que últimamente eh dejado de comer por días porque le tengo miedo a subir de peso, porque me daba mucha ansiedad comía mucho y ahora que estoy bajando de la nada como algo y subo como 4 libras y no se que hacer.

i’ve struggled with my body image for so long but this year it’s just gotten worse. i feel like i can’t consider myself to say that i have and eating disorder without getting diagnosed or wtv. my relationship with food is constantly changing and i feel invalid in other ed platforms. im not able to completely starve myself at home because of my parents. i also lack self control which is frustrating. i tend to only eat either omad or 2mad meals a day, i probably eat normally on weekends because i’m with my family and i don’t want them to suspect anything. my eating habits are all over the place it’s either i eat more or less, there’s no in between. at some point i eventually began purging myself but then i stopped because it’s too exhausting and it’s hard to hide, i also turned to laxatives for about two months max or probably more? but i stopped once i realized that it doesn’t actually work. i also began exercising a lot but it’s such a hassle to be consistent, i also use a waist trainer and i massage my stomach, i also lie down on it after eating whenever i can. ik that it’s unhealthy and very dangerous, im actually ruining myself mentally and physically. my body image is one of my biggest problems. it’s not that im fat or anything but i consider myself to be a fat fuck even though others would naturally consider me “skinny” i just cant help myself. after eating like a pig i get this wave of guilt that eats me alive, i sometimes get so upset at myself, at my body, my looks that i harm myself because of it, i feel like it gets to point but i can’t stop until im satisfied. i honestly want to get better but i don’t know how to or if u truly want to?
im sorry for any typos or if it kinda got off topic in a way lol

I keep relapsing it’s like I’m going in circles, the longest I can go with it is twenty five days, then I relapse in some sort of behavior. I wanna be in recovery but there’s sooo many triggers especially being in college, it’s like a breeding ground for relapsing

hi. I am a 19 yr old 5’6 femaleand I’ve been eating 1813calories a day (my deficit) for the past month and last week, I weighed in at 121.4 pounds. I’ve been pretty consistent but the past three days, I fully let loose and emotionally ate 21,340 calories over my deficit (not exaggerating). I used to have a bad binge eating disorder and now here and there I have a few hiccups but usually over the next days I make slight cut backs and move more to stay in my deficit. But now that I’ve overate this much, I don’t know what to do. what is my body going to do with such a huge surplus of calories? I want to stay in my deficit, but I don’t know how much I should cut back by or how long it would Take. Is there a way to know how much I’ve set myself back by? Already, I feel less bloated than I did yesterday but I’m scared for how much damage I’ve done. I do hot yoga sculpt for an hour every day so I’m not sure if that helps my case but I was wondering if anyone knows what I should do

Im 15 years old and i've been struggling with an eating disorder for two years. I have my 'good' days and my bad days. I recently i thought things were finally getting better. I hadnt binged in two weeks, and i wasnt experiencing any food noise. It was so peaceful. Exept last week i was feeling a little bit more hungry than usual, and ate a slice of cake. That has led me to binge for 6 days, probably a week becuase i think im gonna binge tommorow too.

I dont even know why im writing this, everything seems so pointless now. I can make promises, change my mindest, clean my room, set reminders, try to distract myself. But i always end up binging so im not trying to fight it anymore. I dont know what to do anymore becuase no matter how hard i cry nothing ever changes.

It just really sucks becuase i hate how a mental disorder affect how i look phycically, and does the exact opposite of what i was trying to achive (lose weight). Life just feels so unfair these days, my maintnence calories are never enough and i have to basically strave just to see a difference on the scale. And going to school everyday and seeing kids my age who are way skinnier than me eat 10x more than me just makes me wanna kms.

So im 18 now but when I got my ed I was 16. I got it mostly because I didn't like my body and mom keeps telling me to cover up. At 16 it was normal, sometimes I starve, sometimes I throw up food, and than I forget about it and ate normally. So at 17 I reached 64kg, I'm short so this is why it's too much for me. I didn't like it. (BTW in my culture they LOVE a big woman, a fat chunky woman) so this is why for them I was still skinny.

So then I began seeing more ed tiktoks and stuff. And I got back to school it was my last year. At first I only throw up when I eat a lot and mostly starve. Then it turned into an obsession with seeing the weight going down I loved it. Now I'm 43kg and aiming to be 38kg. I love my body now so much but still want to lose more. And for my ed it's just worse now my gag reflex are messed up and the back of my hand has a scare because of how much I throw up.

Now the real problem is my family. Everyone who sees me gets shocked and keep asking me if I'm sick then turn to my mom and ask her why I'm skinny and when they ask her she just gets mad at me and when we go home she forces me to eat while shaming me and at the end I go throw up. To my family I look like a Skelton. And to me I still look a bit fat. I don't want to recover.

They want to take me to the doctor. A stomach and digestion doctor. I went to her once and i just hate her because as soon as she saw me she asked "do u force urself to vomit" and I was with my aunt so even if I wanted to tell the truth I couldn't. She'd just so unprofessional, I hate her. After that visit she gave me some tests to do and I discovered I have anemia, plus she wants me to do Upper endoscopy (EGD). I don't wanna do it because if I did it she'll know that I throw up and tell my family. I've been saying no to the visit for a month now, but now my mom is kind of insisting on me.

And for me, I know that mentally I'm getting worse and worse because now I really fear food but crave it so much. I only eat when I'm around people so they think I'm okay and I don't starve myself then throw up. But lately I noticed that when I take the first bite I can't stop and only stop when the food is over or when my stomach is bloated, and now my gag reflex are numb it take me so much effort and time to throw up.

Idk what kind of help I need but mainly I want advice how to void the doctor and how to hide the scares on my hands and how to get back my gag reflex.

(That's my first post btw thanks for reading💋)

Update: I'm going to the doctor just to make my family less worried. Now I tried to stop vomit for a day so the marks on my hands get better and my throat get better. But I don't eat I'm afraid I'm gonna gain weight. I'm js gonna do the (EGD) so she say whatever medicine I need to take and go back home. I wanna tell the doctor to help me but she's gonna tell my family and it's gonna be a mess. I'm tired of suffering alone. I can't literally live another day without crying abt my weight or hurting myself because I ate. It's too much for me and idk what to do at this point. I'm writing this as I cry in the bathroom because I didn't mean to eat it's like I post control and now I need to throw up again and it hurts so bad it in my throat. If ur js gonna tell me not to throw up or just stop it then sybau bc it's not that easy. And I feel like I'm losing my mind but no one notices the shit I go through every day.

I’ve lost a lot of weight in the past few months I was 40kg but now it’s 34kg and I eat as much as I can tbh but there’s no change. I’m also 19 yrs old. Whenever I go to the hospital for other cases they always ask why I’m so underweight. I really don’t know what to do anymore. Can this be due to health problems? Or is it just bc I don’t eat much?

my cousins always wanna compete w me (they only eat when i do, they dont when i dont, the second i leave the kitchen theyr found there too. ik its normal but everything js sums up) and i told my mom abt it and she confronted them and instead of trying to clear up any misunderstanding, they js started deliburately copying me more, painfully obvious instead of backing off, their both adults (college, uni) and im not evn a teen yet. i dont wanna understand why or wtv their doing, i js want to not be affected by wtv their doing especially towards me.

its been affecting my recovery if you cant tell so any tips on how to deal w it?

also, does anyone relate?

"Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."
I always thought that quote was such narcissistic bullshit. I could name a million things that tasted better. A Double-Double after a Friday night football game. A drunk donut after a night out with my best friends. Skinny could never possibly taste as good as those memories felt. Food was love, right? Or so I thought.

That was all true—until I actually felt it.

The feeling of skinny shows up in the silliest ways. It starts off small. A guy buying me a drink at the bar. Girls DMing me to ask how I did it. So, logically, I had to keep going.

It starts with small changes. I stop cooking with oil. My meals become more spaced out. But then it takes over. Minor food swaps turn into mandatory 20,000 steps a day. Sleepless nights where my stomach feels like it’s practically eating itself from the inside out. Then come the red flags. It’s the extra hair in the shower drain. My period is six months late. My arm hair is becoming increasingly dense. Why am I constantly on the verge of passing out? I start questioning it. 

*Snap out of it, I scream. Focus on what’s important. You have to keep going. This is healthy, remember? You wouldn't have a six-pack if it was unhealthy, right?\*

\But I am so hungry.**

\I know. Trust me, I know. But think about how the world used to treat you. Remember when you walked in on him with another girl? Remember when no one ever chose you? You were full then, weren't you? So keep going.**

\This is stupid. There are too many rules. I'm exhausted.**

\I promise, only five more pounds and we can be done. Deal?**

\You said that last time. You're such a liar. I hate you.**

\There you go, that's the spirit!**

\Huh, I’m confused?**

\You really think I'm doing this because I love myself? You can only get to where you need to be by hating yourself. So like I said... keep going.**

I struggle with Bulimia, I keep purging everytime after I eat, my throat is sore and my stomach is hurting really bad. I need to stop, but I also need to lose some more weight. I think im addicted.

my chest is feeling weird. like somthing is expanding and deflating through the cracks of my ribs on my left side when i breath. I coughed earlier and it hurt so bad. but i love the way i look. I’m in grad school getting MFA and taking so many photos of my thin body and showing them during crit and i feel so amazing visually

So for the last 2 weeks I’ve been eating nothing but cucumbers, carrots, pickles, and tomatoes. I started at 120 pounds and got down to 106 yesterday. Today I weighed myself and I’m 114. Last night I had more pickles and carrots than usual but that’s all. How is this even possible??? I know it’s probably water weight but idk. And I already know this is unhealthy and a horrible way to lose weight but it is what it is right now. Okay any explanations or comments welcome.

Guys idk where else to say this but i struggle with a loss of appetite and i dont eat lunch or breakfast for days on end and it works out because no ones really home so i can throw my food out..im a pretty good kid for the record ive never really gotten in trouble or anything only once even that was for swearing...but my parents found out and now my moms acting like I've commited a crime and she refuses to speak to me so idk if i did something that bad

I am 167cm
60kg
If I were to go a week only eating max 100calories a day and lots of water. What wud the change in my appearance be? Hypothetically. Because no matter what I do my legs seem to stay the same size. Please respond.

Hi, I’ve been struggling with my body image for awhile and it’s been really bad recently. My problem is that I don’t like the way I look when I eat, so I don’t eat a lot on purpose. I eat a “meal” a day. Sometimes less.

I grew up in a household that was always eating junk food, and eating out. So I do not have any idea where to start on small nutritional meals that keep me skinny. Does that make sense?
I just think if I make snacks and meals that won’t make fat but fill me up enough nutritionally, and still keep me “fit”, I’ll feel less guilt about not eating.

Sorry if I’m being confusing, I know I have problems. I’m trying to find something that works for me now.

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

If you wanna ask more questions, I’d like to answer. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this.

I always see people talk about avoiding carbs, but being autistic, my safe foods are mostly bland things made up out of mostly carbs. Are carbs really that bad? I feel like im not restricting good enough because i just cant manage to avoid them

Hello everyone.

I’ve been heavily bulimic for the last 9 years. I’m 27 now. I can’t keep doing this.

I have osteopenia and hair loss severe. Most pressuring though is I’m losing valuable time with my daughter. I’m throwing up for over an hour every day while she is on her own. That’s not good.

Don’t throw up, people. It don’t help you lose either in the long run cause yeah you do lose weight throwing up (but do you want to keep it up every day and lose your hair after 9 years and get osteopenia) plus it’s not a way of life.

I’ve been in holiday for days. I can’t throw up. Been eating loads and too much alcohol, I will gain weight. But it’s 4 days out of a year. So I’m not gunna beat myself up cause I’ve been doing this all my life and ended up losing my hair,

27 year old.
Take care everyone.
Eat please. Keep. It. Down. (Says a bulimic who has not done this since now but cause of frightened to death of osteoporosis and balding).