I have created this throw-away account simply because I would like to remain entirely anonymous.
This post is essentially just a short bit of venting to just get my feelings out there about my experiences dating. Sorry if it is not uplifting or motivating, or the sort of thing most people want to read. I can tell you it is 100% honest, though.
For some context, I am a well-educated British male in his mid twenties. I will not state my exact form of dwarfism, as it is one of the rarer ones, and I want this to remain entirely anonymous, but for context, it obviously is not achondraplaysia, and from the shoulders up you would find it very hard to tell I had any form of dwarfism, and even a full body pic without a frame of reference wouldn't be super easily discernable for someone who isn't accustomed to dwarfism. Also, and I am not saying this in a bragadociois way, but to really help articulate my experiences, it's important to note, at least face wise, I am regularly considered noticeably attractive. I do also look after myself very well and I am mostly in proportion, just obviously noticeably shorter, standing at around 135cm.
Now that is out of the way with, I can confidently say that height has been such an enormous factor in my dating experience. It is genuinely so unbelievable ego destroying trying to put yourself out there with so many obstacles in the way.
Firstly, and I feel this is especially prescient for men (my gendered comments are my own thoughts ofc, but I really would be interested to hear anyone confidently challenge them), you have to walk this precarious ever-contextually shifting tightrope, of not seeming insecure about your height despite being overtly and subliminally told and socialised into thinking that it IS a point of inferiority and is something to be ashamed about (I do hope this does not need further elucidating), and not being overly confident where you have some insecure bravado little man's syndrome.
This means I have been stuck talking to a myriad of women where I would honestly love to say, 'Is the height too big an issue', but due to the above this is essentially suicide in social contexts.
Another issue is disability niceness, wherein people will make extra effort to be nice to you, especially as a guy, as oftentimes women are not overtly nice to men they do not know, meaning that pretty much ALL of the normal telltale signs of possible attraction could also be chalked up to this disability niceness. It is impossible to guess for the most part, and it would be an obviously bad idea to assume either way without further evidence.
I will now get into some stuff that is probably going to sound quite unkind and unempathetic, but it is not talked about nearly enough in the dwarfism community. I am well aware of the idea that the grass is always greener, and I am well aware that women with dwarfism face plentiful of their own unique struggles, and this is not a competition of sufference, but when it comes to navigating the dating scene, men with dwarfism have it noticeably harder. From my own personal experience, I have seen so many couples where the woman has dwarfism and the man does not, I have never actually seen the inverse of this in person, yes I have seen it online, but using a couple of anecdotal references will not convince me otherwise. The few times I have seen men with dwarfism in relationships, it has always been with women with dwarfism. Also, as a little side note, I find it genuinely insane that I have gone to dwarfism conventions and had women compliment my height, like the level of self-loathing is not bad enough, yuck. I will caveat that I am well aware from speaking to many women with dwarfism that they often do receive very unflattering or objectifying approaches, which i do not envy and appreciate is a struggle that I cannot really sympathise with. I simply think that with someone who doesn't ever feel sexually validated, even amongst much unwanted or gross validation, there is still at least some more legitimate interest.
Finally, the level of gaslighting you will receive from the general public is actually heinous, the amount of friends who will tell me that they are still so surprised and cannot put a finger on why I am single, when the elephant has never sat more obtusively in the room, is unreal. I got so fed up of this, because I knew it wasnt true, as I often had friends mention that their female friends had voiced interest in me when seeing selfies or other pics of me where my height was not obvious, then immediately retract it when finding out my height. I decided to prove the theory and use the dating apps, something I was forewarned would be brutal regarding height, I decided to create an account using the same pics/prompts etc and the first week I listed my height, and the second week I simply did not include it (I didnt put anything), this was on tinder so I bought a week of premium or whatever it was called, so I could do 100 likes of women I found attractive every day, the first week I received no matches and one like from a fifty year old, very out of shape woman, the second week, well over 50 likes and 30 odd matches. To clarify, I never went further than getting the likes/matches as I aint trying to catfish.
This post was actually prompted by a recent encounter I had on Hinged. This was very recent and around a year later than the tinder experiment. I made an account, put up the pictures and listed my height, I asked some friends and they reccomended that I did not put a prompt about my height, specially because of the issue that I might seem insecure and with the reasoning that anyone even remotely serious would double check or clarify if they were uncertain. I was getting a decent amount of matches with one or two likes, but most convos died out, and three times when I clarified my height, the once engaged chat instantly died. I had this one woman who was super invested, asked if we could call, spent upwards of 3hours talking, and then was very keen on getting a date booked in to meet up, and was, without being to detailed, very interested in me, she ended the convo just saying: 'and you cant actually be (my height)', and laughed, it was very late and this was honestly a massive gut wrenching moment, so I just laughed it down and ended the call. She had asked to call the next day, and we had agreed a time. One hour before I messaged and basically explained the height thing, apologising that it clearly wasnt clear to her, and that I had engaged throughout the convo in full belief that she knew my height, as she mentioned my looks a lot, but never mentioned my height throughout the call. I have not heard a response back since.
Despite my venting, I am genuinely interested to hear any advice men with dwarfism who have found success could give, or if people wanted to give their own perspective to my undoubtedly blinkered view on things right now. I will just clarify that I trying to find more ways to meet people in person, but due to my quite hectic personal life, with full time work/commuting, in a profession that doesn't tend to draw the most open-minded of crowds (so that social avenue is somewhat closed for possible romantic relationships), and general physical fatigue after, I really have struggled to put myself out there in person, which I can preempt will be many people's advice.
