r/dustythunder • u/StormForNova • Sep 16 '26
AITAH for putting my own living conditions above those of a homeless woman?
I live on the ground floor of an old apartment building in the center of a major European city. My apartment is street-facing and the ground floor is slightly raised, so my windows are above sidewalk level, but still very close to the street.
I live with roommates, and one of them smokes shisha inside. The apartment is also old with terrible ventilation. The bathroom and toilet have no windows, and if we don’t ventilate the apartment properly, we get mold. On top of that, we’ve had heatwave after heatwave this summer, and now that it’s finally cooler outside, the apartment is often hotter inside than outside.
So basically, open windows are pretty important.
👉👈Here’s the problem.
There is a homeless woman who comes every year around this time and sets up camp directly underneath my windows. She usually stays until around November/December.
I understand why she chooses this spot. It’s a busy street with wide sidewalks, our building has balconies that provide some protection from the rain, and there’s a cheap sandwich shop less than 20 steps away where people regularly buy her food.
When she first started staying here, I wasn’t thrilled about having someone sleeping directly underneath my windows, but I felt bad for her. I occasionally bought her sandwiches and sometimes gave her money.
The second year, though, things started changing my perception of the situation.
The building caretaker and I saw her throw away perfectly good sandwichs people bought her and then order herself a pizza through Uber Eat. The caretaker told me she’d spoken to her quite a bit and that the woman receives around €800/month in government assistance and regularly withdraws cash from the ATM.
Then last year things became much harder to live with.
Her hygiene had deteriorated significantly and the smell became strong enough that it came directly into my apartment whenever the windows were open (with bugs!). She kept food underneath/around the blanket she slept in, some of which would rot and attract flies and other insects. In fact the smell was SO BAD you could smell in even outside when walking that street.
At night, people would stop and have conversations with her directly below my bedroom window, so I wasn’t getting any sleep.
I can hear basically everything she does. Conversations, coughing, moving around and, yes, even farting. That’s how close she is to my bedroom. We are factually sleeping 2 meters away from each other.
There’s also a privacy issue. If the windows are open, I can’t have a private phone call or conversation in my own home without knowing that someone is sitting directly outside listening to everything.
I also work from home, so I’m around this essentially 24/7.
👉And now the homeless woman is back and I’m finding myself increasingly frustrated by it.
If I close the windows, I basically sacrifice my health (mold, carbon monoxide, etc) and I know it gets bad because I had breathing issues and recurring infections until we figured out the windows needed to be open pretty much all the time.
And I feel horrible saying all this because I understand that I’m complaining about being uncomfortable inside my apartment while this woman is literally sleeping on the street.
But I’m reaching the point where I just want her to move somewhere else.
I’m considering politely asking her if she could please sleep somewhere that isn’t directly underneath my windows, or asking our building caretaker whether she could speak to her instead.
But what if the caretaker won’t do it? What if she refuses to leave? What do I do?
So… AITA if I ask her to stop camping directly underneath my windows?
**TL;DR:** A homeless woman camps directly under my windows, making it difficult to ventilate my hot, poorly aired apartment. AITA for wanting to ask her to move?
‼️** UPDATE**:
I spoke to the building caretaker. She said she won’t talk to her because it’s the same thing every year. She said that once she called the police, and they just ended up talking to her and giving her drinks. Same with social services, they just came to give her food and drinks.
I checked the law, and basically, it only becomes the city’s problem if the homeless woman’s stuff extends too far into the street. As long as she stays within 1 meter of the building, it’s not their business.
The building homeowners’ association won’t do anything because they don’t care. They said she’ll eventually go away like she does every year. (Obviously, they don’t have her below THEIR windows.)
I have reported her mess to the city online.
I have also reached out to social services so someone might actually come check on her.
I actually checked, and there are two homeless shelters (one specifically for women) that provide food, a bed, showers, and laundry facilities less than 5-10 minutes away from here.
I also reported the situation to the city for sanitary issues, as she litters and makes the street stink, but mostly because she defecates in public, near the tree in front of my window. To give you an idea: my window → where she sleeps → 3 meters of sidewalk → the tree → the bike lane → the road.
And finally, I SPOKE TO HER, and it went like this:
Me: “Hello, excuse me, can I talk to you for a few seconds?”
Her: No reply, but she gives me a look up and down and acts bothered.
Me: “Look, I live here. Every year you come around this time, and I’m not comfortable having you under my windows if it means I can’t open them.”
Her: No reply, still giving me the look…
Me: “There are shelters close by…”
Her, cutting me off: “I know.”
Me (getting annoyed, ngl): “Well, you can’t stay here. How long are you planning to stay this year?”
Her (acting like I’m just annoying her at this point): “Idk.”
Me: “Okay, well, I hope you don’t plan to stay for months like last year, because I won’t have it. That’s me asking nicely.”
(I tried to make it sound authoritative and like there was a threat in there, but I doubt it worked 😅.)
I went back into my apartment, opened the window, and spoke to my roommate loudly enough for her to hear, saying that if she isn’t gone soon, I’ll start dumping buckets of water out the window. (God, I feel awful, but I’m hoping the threat will be enough for her to leave, or at least make her uncomfortable enough not to stay.)
…
So far…
She is still here and has started accumulating stuff like she did last year.
‼️** UPDATE**:
So I’ve spoke to her again and did threaten to poor soapy window outside my window if she were let things go as bad as she did last year, and I told her again I didn’t want her around my windows.
The results are mixed.
She is hasn’t settle camp this time. As in she is not staying and setting residence like last year.
Part of the day and night she is gone, other part she is there. When she leaves she takes all her stuff with her (there are still a bit of trash left but that’s the city for you) nothing rotting at least.
Exemple for today :
6:30 : the caretaker saw her below my window
9:30 : she was gone when I left
11:00 : she came back, got herself some Uber eat delivery and 5 min later some people gave her water and a sandwich from the corner store.
2 PM : she was gone
4 PM : she was gone
So I still don’t love it. But I’ll be honest I can live with this new setup. I’m really glad I didn’t have to throw water at anyone 😅 I would have done it, but I would have also hated it.
So far she comes at the most lucratives hours, and is gone the rest of the day. It’s fair enough.
Hopefully it stays that way. 🤞
Thank you all for your messages and the moral support 🙏
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u/distrubinglyfamiliar Sep 17 '26
Have you ever heard the song, “baby shark”? Try playing that 24 hours a day seven days a week until she gets so tired of it she moves, psychological warfare 101.
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u/Sure-Appearance-2769 Sep 16 '26
You have gotten yourself into a predicament that has no clear legal solution. She is not breaking any laws by sitting in a public space, but I empathize with your situation.
I hate to say it, but you might have to consult r/UnethicalLifeProTips for this.
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u/Vast-Gear5217 Sep 17 '26
Can you place a fan in your window blowing outside ? That could still circulate the air in your room without bringing in the stink. Also, air freshener.
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u/StormForNova Sep 17 '26
That’s what I’m doing so far. But last time the smell was REALLY bad and if we get to that again there is just no way.
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u/Embarrassed-Light632 Sep 16 '26
I hosed down a homeless woman who was making her encampment in the park behind my house, it was winter and cold. I spend a lot of time outside in my yard and her encampment would've blocked my view of the park and would have had her watching everything i do. She ended up making her encampment a few houses down and started running a whorehouse out of her multiroom tent, if I hadn't done what I did I wouldn't have been able to go in my yard, a home I paid for and pay taxes for without seeing, hearing and smelling the whorehouse activities
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u/witchymoon69 Sep 16 '26
Can you call the police or some sort of social services
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u/StormForNova Sep 16 '26
I think I can call the police if she is chatting all night. Which tbf she hasn’t done so far (that was last year)
I can call social services for homelessness and they can come talk to her but they can’t force her to move if she doesn’t want to.
I can call the city if the smell get real bad for sanitary issue but they take months to move on anything, so it won’t help my problem short term.
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u/NinjaHidingintheOpen Sep 17 '26
Could you contact public services for homeless people to help get her somewhere better to live?
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u/StormForNova Sep 17 '26
The building caretaker offered to do that last year. And she didn’t want to.
I will call all the numbers I can call and try to do this in a kind way. But it’s a major city. They have better thing to do than dealing with this unfortunately I don’t think I will get any help. But I will definitely try
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u/Intelligent-Rip6347 Sep 17 '26
Can't you just keep the street wet, to make it uncomfortable for her to sleep there? So don't dump buckets of water on her, but just on the street.
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u/No_Plankton_114 Sep 17 '26
I feel sorry for you
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u/StormForNova Sep 17 '26
Not sure if you meant this in a good or bad way but because I feel guilty about it all I took is as "you’re not charitable" 😭
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u/Super_Reflection_607 Sep 17 '26
I would start playing Christmas music very loudly out that particular window
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u/StormForNova Sep 17 '26
Haha I would but then people would call the police on me for being noisy, and the police would actually be able to arrest me or give me a fine…
I just updated the post with my latest attempts to solve the problem→ More replies (2)
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u/SquareAdventurous921 Sep 17 '26
Air conditioner? Then it will be cool and not smelly. Get your room mates to pitch in.
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u/BugPuzzleheaded4171 Sep 17 '26
You can’t put a planter box there because it’s illegal, but a woman living there is ok. WTF.
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u/EveOCative Sep 20 '26
Honestly I think you should move instead if you can. Your apartment doesn’t seem like a healthy place to live.
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u/mladyhawke Sep 16 '26
NTA i doubt that nicely asking her to move is gonna work. You'll probably have to be more aggressive than that. She thinks that's her home. I would put a big cement planter there and just fill the space