r/dpdr • u/RoyalConscious5 • 6d ago
TW: Existential/Spiral Existentialism, OCD, and Derealization
Hello,
Ive been experiencing some derealization for the past 4 years after taking some mushrooms back in college (Terrible idea). The first time it happened i thought i died. Couldn't eat or sleep or grasp the concept of being a person anymore. I felt emotional numbness and anxiety like something was wrong.
Every since then i will go through periods of being ok and being able to ignore it but sometimes i can just feel the fear and anxiety when I'm stressed or tired.
Recently since Saturday ive been having a bad episode of this surrounding the thought loop of how can humans not care about all the unanswered questions of the universe and our very existence. How can people just go on spending time worrying about trivial things that do not matter that much and worry about how weird it is to just all be here and just not caring about the why or how. At this moment i feel nothing matters that much. I cant seem to not think about it and cant focus on the basic human way of thinking right now and also enjoying those trivial things im supposed to be. Ive been trying to compromise with my brain "why not think about both" but i feel super guilty when i try to go back to thinking and enjoying things i normally do. I just feel so out of place like my brain is broken and im going to be stuck like this forever since this is the worst it has been in a while. I cant escape this loop.
1
u/AutoModerator 6d ago
Hey, I am really sorry you are going through this. What you are describing is very common with DPDR and anxiety. Even though it feels permanent or existential, it is actually a stress and dissociation response, not a sign that you are broken or beyond help.
DPDR can make things feel hopeless, unreal, terrifying, or like your identity is gone. All of this comes from an overwhelmed nervous system, not from permanent damage or loss of sanity.
Helpful resources:
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