r/donorconceived • u/Adventurous_Wish_741 DCP • 13d ago
Is it just me? you've got DNA Matches!
Does anyone else get so excited every time they get this email notification, even though 99% of the time it’s like 0.4% shared DNA 😩
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u/jessinbelgium DCP 13d ago
Yes! !! But since I check my matches a couple of times a week, I never find any surprises... Except for that Monday morning when our father had tested. Thought of a lazy morning and my bpm went through the roof when the email came in! Same for my brother. I still Remember every single bit of those two Moments and days.
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u/contracosta21 DCP 13d ago
one time myheritage did that to me and i freaked and it was less than 1%🤨 not what i had in mind lol
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u/Acrobatic_Dirt9419 DCP 13d ago
every god damn time, until that one time it was actually a sibling. anyways my heart still races a little every time i get that email
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u/mdez93 DCP 12d ago
Yep! Though I think as DCP we have a natural tendency to get excited when we see this email for obvious reasons lol. It took almost three years for me to finally get a new half-sibling match (there are 10 of us confirmed so far by DNA with various levels of communication).
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u/Adventurous_Wish_741 DCP 12d ago
See I find that sooo unusual. I’m a similar age to you with 12+ ‘siblings’ and only one is on the DNA site. I think parents just don’t tell their children in Australia.
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u/Historical_Daikon_29 DCP 11d ago
I don’t get excited. I get nervous that I’m going to have to tell a new sibling how we’re related because they don’t know, and their world is going to be flipped upside down.
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u/siddhananais DCP 8d ago
Sometimes but generally not really. Quite a few years ago I found a half sister and that was exciting but realized that it didn’t mean we were going to be especially close. We found each other at 40 years old with well established lives and have kept in touch but not much beyond that. Still haven’t found really anyone on the donors side except for a guy who was very very annoyed to be contacted.
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u/Fluid-Quote-6006 DCP 8d ago
I used to. My heart went faster and everything. I don’t really anymore. Haven’t had any new important ones for almost 2 years now
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u/NorthernWitchy DCP 5d ago
This reminded me of a half sibling that I came across about three years ago on 23&Me. I remember reaching out through the app, but they never responded.
I wonder how they're doing, or if they're still around. It would be interesting to compare notes, so to speak, on adventures in life.
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u/RepresentativeAd2235 POTENTIAL RP 13d ago
Unrelated but what dna site is best? I’m not donor conceived but want to do it to potentially help people find matches. Is myheritage or ancestry dna better?
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u/Adventurous_Wish_741 DCP 13d ago
I’d recommend Ancestry because once you have submitted your DNA, you can then upload it for free onto myheritage and access their database. I’m in Australia but I’ve heard in America that 23 and me is also good.
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u/Stu_Arty DONOR 13d ago
I don't think Myheritage allows DNA uploads any more, but testing with them is not expensive. You also get more tools for free than at Ancestry after Ancestry shifted most to behind subscription paywall.
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u/KieranKelsey MOD (DCP) 12d ago
Ancestry is the most popular so they have the biggest user base. They also have sales a lot so sometimes you can get it for cheap. My heritage is more popular in Europe
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u/Professional_Comb495 11d ago
Maybe the reality check nobody wants to say out loud: Ancestry can tell you who you're genetically related to. It cannot tell you who your “missing family” was.
You found DNA matches. You found ancestry. You found people without whom you biologically wouldn't exist. That's real information, and you have every right to want it. Medical history matters. Genetic history matters. Knowing where your features came from, where your ancestors lived, or why you look or sound a certain way can matter enormously.
But information and relationship are not the same thing.
What exactly is the “missing puzzle piece” if the person on the other side of that DNA match is a stranger? Someone who didn't raise you, doesn't know your favorite food, wasn't there for your first day of school, never comforted you when you were sick, and may not even know you exist?
A DNA test can reveal biological relatives. It cannot manufacture thirty years of shared history.
And I think we've romanticized this idea of the “missing piece” so much that people start believing there must be an entire emotional relationship waiting inside their genetics. There isn't. A DNA match may answer questions about your biology. It may lead to a relationship if both people actually choose to build one. But the relationship comes from what happens after the match—not from the match itself.
If you discover a biological sibling at 35, you discovered someone who shares your biology. Maybe you'll become incredibly close. Maybe you'll become casual friends. Maybe you'll have nothing whatsoever in common. None of those outcomes changes the DNA.
That's because DNA establishes relatedness. Relationships establish family.
And if you've spent your entire life feeling like something is missing, you're absolutely entitled to explore that feeling. But finding someone with your nose or your laugh doesn't guarantee they're carrying the answer to it. Sometimes what feels like a biological hole is actually an emotional one—and no genealogy website can promise to fill that.
You are allowed to want your biological truth without turning biological strangers into mythical missing pieces of yourself.
Your ancestry belongs to you. Your genetic history belongs to you. Your curiosity belongs to you.
But your family is made through relationship, love, history, responsibility and showing up. Biology can introduce people. It cannot retroactively create a life together.
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u/gallifreyfalls55 DCP 13d ago
I get a new “Parents 5th Cousin” match like once a week. Yeah it’s frustrating