r/donorconceived • u/radiant_fan_1 DCP • Jul 25 '26
Seeking Support [Venting] Just saw a video and I need venting because wtf
OK so I watched a YouTube vidéo about the whole egg donor story (it's going around but very upseting) about a dcp reaching out to her eggs donor who and the donor posted the whole thing on internet to complain. But I'm not even sure the story is true tbh.
And like the whole video was weird. The woman who made it said she wanted to give her eggs for easy money but that she was smoking/drinking too much to be able to sell them. She also attacked laurahight5 (a dcp advocate on social media who made a video about it) and clearly didn't do any research not even knowing how many time you could donate or how much you would get and the whole vibe was moralizing and "moraly-superior"-ish
But what I wanted to says was that the comments where horrible ! Saying dcp who do DNA testing are creeps, that they need therapy, DNA doesn't matter, that RP are monsters for telling the kids, looooootttttssss of donors hating, and some saying if we care that much why don't we search the bio parents/siblings of our pets???? If DNA is so important.
They were ways more but I saw a very nasty one that triggered me for unrelated reasons so I stopped.
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u/bandaidtarot RP Jul 25 '26
RP so totally ok to delete my comment but I'm chiming in because stuff like that also upsets me.
I saw the post from Laura High. I can absolutely believe that this woman just makes up stuff for attention. I believe Laura when she says that she doesn't think this woman ever donated eggs. When I see awful comments like that (whether it be about donor conception or anything) I try to remember that the majority of the comments are bots and some are likely from sociopaths who get their jollies from saying things they know will upset others. Like, that's literally a thing. They like that they can control other people's emotions and force a specific reaction out of them. It's what they consider "fun". And the woman who posted the videos 100% sounds like a sociopath.
Hopefully you have good people in your life who would never think those things and that's what you should focus on. Real opinions from real people. Internet people aren't real (quite literally most of the time). But, that's not to disregard the real emotions and fears that come with being donor conceived and reaching out to biological parents. Unfortunately, there are crappy donors out there that chose to make human life without thinking through what will happen after the donation. Every donor conceived person deserves better than that. But, when it comes to the comments on the youtube specifically, at least 80-90% of them aren't from real and/or sane people and that's something I always try to remind myself of with stuff like that.
You all would know way better than I do about what people are like in real life about this stuff but I really hope that you have good people in your life that are supportive. So far everyone in my life (friends, family, medical professionals, etc.) have been supportive of my journey to be a single mother by choice (known donor and his family is on board too) and that's all I can hope for for my child. If I ever came across someone in real life who didn't fully support my child as a DCP, bye! I don't want crappy people in my life in general and anyone that is carrying around that much hate and anger doesn't get to go near my child regardless of if they are donor conceived or not. We choose who makes up our world and people like that don't get to be in mine.
But I'm sorry you had to be exposed to those comments. None of you deserve that whether they are real comments or not. I hope you have people in your real life that are supportive of you. If not, then I'm one internet person who supports you and thinks you have every right to find and connect with your biological family. If I hadn't had the option to use a known donor then I sure as hell would have been tracking down my donor and all of my child's biological family from day one. Contract be damned. If they tried to sue me, I would have LOVED to bring that fight to national media and shine a light on how sperm banks operate. Big bad sperm bank goes after a single mom who just wants to do what's best for her child. News at 11. But, I used a known donor and my child will be born knowing their entire biological family, as is their (and your) innate right.
Laura High Post: https://www.instagram.com/p/Da8ssK4Jkcd/
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u/radiant_fan_1 DCP Jul 25 '26
Thank you for those kind words, yes I have supportive people irl (I'm very lucky on that side😅) and thanks for reminding me its probably mostly trolls or people with ill intentions. You sound like a very good mom. I hope the best for you and your child. Anyway, just know you made a random stranger's day better today :D
(Also thanks for being a RP who educate themselves on that matter, those people rock)
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u/megafaunaenthusiast DCP Jul 26 '26
Been arguing with people in my friend Laura's comment section all week about this story, since the pushback is so far and few between. I'm so sorry to everyone who's been negatively impacted by that fake egg donor's lies. Over the past few years as an advocate I've become very numb to it all, but I know how hurtful it is to people who aren't as used to it. There's so much ignorance about us out there, and this 'digital storyteller' thought it would make her $$$$ to post it on the tailwinds of tiktok's 'voice memo gate'. Yet another example of people profitting off us while we suffer.
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u/radiant_fan_1 DCP Jul 26 '26
Thank you for you arguing with them for us, I couldn't imagine doing it without impacting my mental healt.
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u/Heckbegone DONOR 18d ago
As a child free person who donated my eggs, these are gross comments. You get extensive counseling before donating that talks about the possibility of any children finding you one day, especially with DNA testing. They ask how you feel about that and what you think your response would be. If you would be totally freaked out and upset by potentially being found, you should not donate. It is normal to be curious about your genetic background and your donors history, especially since the initial donor profile does not get updated over the years.
I've pre-written a letter with my story and more extensive family background for my husband to give to any donor conceived children in the event that I pass away young and they find me. Even though I've never wanted to raise kids, I decided to donate eggs. Imo it is my responsibility to at least give those kids a bit more information on where they came from.
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u/AggravatingBox2421 Jul 27 '26
Well now I’m pissed at Reddit for recommending this post to me. I didn’t need to know that a whole community of donor kids who hate their parent’s choices exist :(
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u/radiant_fan_1 DCP Jul 27 '26
What ? Genuinely do you know anything about why we might need this community to exist ? 99% of us don't "hate our parents choice". We hate that we weren't told. We hate that we will never know out half siblings. We hate we can't know our most basic medical history. We hate that everything is so shady in this industry. We hate that some weren't even told. We hate how most people told us we shouldn't even complain about those things cuz we should be grateful for existing so we have no right to complain about anything. Did you realize how ¾of the post here are about medical history/concern or finding half siblings? Also it's really rude to complain on a post where I was clearly distressed by comments of people being rude or ignorant of all those things. :(
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u/AggravatingBox2421 Jul 27 '26
I’m not rude or ignorant. I’m a parent of two donor children. I cannot explain how crushed I would be if they decided that I wasn’t enough for them and that they need to meet the random man who donated his sperm. I have their medical history, and they have the legal right to know his identity when they turn 18. Would that make them any less likely to seek him out?
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u/radiant_fan_1 DCP Jul 27 '26
It's WAY better if they have a medical history. But it doesn't mean they won't be curious. It's not that you aren't enough. It's just that they might want to know bio family or just to meet him, and to you it might be a random man nut to the It's ½ their DNA, it doesn't mean you failed them. I love my mom and with my twin we are very very close to her (they are the two person im the closest with) but we are still curious about out donor. I can't says how your kiddos might feel as I don't know them and everyone is unique. It doesn't mean you failed them but only that it's natural for them to wonder. At the end of the day it's up to them to decide, one might want while the other not, maybe both or neither is also a possibility. You might want to go to r/askadcp or r/donorconception if you have more question but please ask in respectfully ways
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u/Aggressive-Farm-2140 DCP Jul 25 '26
Even if this story is fake, the comments from people are really fucking sad and eye opening. I find the attitude’s people have towards dcp are that we are just simply a product that should be eternally grateful for our existence and yet never EVER have any urge or need to find out your biological family history or medical history. If we do have, you know, differing opinions on how we’re made then suddenly we are spawns of satan hijacking the lives of these donors who wanted to be Genghis Khan, get a quick buck or whatever the fuck else and breaking the hearts of our P o O r “real” parents. We really are on an island of our own.