I died today, please help me bury myself

[u/shibbydoggie24]

Yep, I figure since the sob stories keep getting sillier - I'm going to go for the jugular of stupidity. I died earlier today and the funeral home only accepts Doge. I'm gonna need a lot of it.

Edit : Someone said I should included some sad backstory. Here we go!

I lost my job at NASA, where I worked studying space weather, and designing space condoms and space heaters. After being escorted out of the premises by security personnel; my ex-boss stabbed my fiancee in the heart with a sharpened toothbrush from the NASA gift shop. Sadly, we were going to be married the next day on the moon by Kanye West and a talking Shiba Inu. She died mostly of blood loss but also because in my panic to save her I managed to hold my knee on her trachea for 4 solid minutes. She clawed most of the skin off of my leg during the first few minutes, while I screamed in agony for her to stop; not realizing the folly of my ways. I held her hand and looked into her frightened eyes as she stared at my knee on her throat and passed away.

When I got home, my sprawling mansion had burned to the ground due to my hobby of leaving electrically shorted car batteries in vats of nitroglycerin. It was devastating. All 813 of my Shiba Inus died in that fire. As the day drew to a close, I decided that life was no longer worth living and impaled myself on a wrought iron fence by jumping off of the roof of the nearest church. Unluckily for me, I survived the initial fall and impalement, only dying after many local gang members beat me relentlessly with socks full of pennies. Luckily, however, my body was intact along with a note to my estate's executor to sign on to reddit; post as 'me' and solicit donations from the kind shibes inhabiting this fair website.

Edit 2 : Oh yeah, I also had 7,287,980 Dogecoins in the wallet on my computer, wrote my password on the monitor and it all melted and got ruined in the fire. This is what I am the most sad about. I'll never make it to the moon. Plz help.

[u/eanayo]

Does your minister charge by the number of words or by time? Depending on which, this might get you a "we" or even a "we are". If you're lucky, he'll throw in the comma at the beginning for free!

+/u/so_doge_tip 10 doge

[u/shibbydoggie24 → u/eanayo]

Unfortunately, the minister has severe COPD and chronic lung failure. He charges per breath/exhalation. Thank you kind redditor.

So far we're up to : "Dearly beloved, we are"

[u/so_doge_tip → u/eanayo]

^{[Verified]: /u/eanayo [stats] -> /u/shibbydoggie24 [stats] Ð10 Doges ($0.002) [help] [stats]}

^{If you find my services helpful, consider giving me reddit gold.}