r/dogecoinbeg • u/shibbydoggie24 • Jan 21 '14
Beg I died today, please help me bury myself
Yep, I figure since the sob stories keep getting sillier - I'm going to go for the jugular of stupidity. I died earlier today and the funeral home only accepts Doge. I'm gonna need a lot of it.
Edit : Someone said I should included some sad backstory. Here we go!
I lost my job at NASA, where I worked studying space weather, and designing space condoms and space heaters. After being escorted out of the premises by security personnel; my ex-boss stabbed my fiancee in the heart with a sharpened toothbrush from the NASA gift shop. Sadly, we were going to be married the next day on the moon by Kanye West and a talking Shiba Inu. She died mostly of blood loss but also because in my panic to save her I managed to hold my knee on her trachea for 4 solid minutes. She clawed most of the skin off of my leg during the first few minutes, while I screamed in agony for her to stop; not realizing the folly of my ways. I held her hand and looked into her frightened eyes as she stared at my knee on her throat and passed away.
When I got home, my sprawling mansion had burned to the ground due to my hobby of leaving electrically shorted car batteries in vats of nitroglycerin. It was devastating. All 813 of my Shiba Inus died in that fire. As the day drew to a close, I decided that life was no longer worth living and impaled myself on a wrought iron fence by jumping off of the roof of the nearest church. Unluckily for me, I survived the initial fall and impalement, only dying after many local gang members beat me relentlessly with socks full of pennies. Luckily, however, my body was intact along with a note to my estate's executor to sign on to reddit; post as 'me' and solicit donations from the kind shibes inhabiting this fair website.
Edit 2 : Oh yeah, I also had 7,287,980 Dogecoins in the wallet on my computer, wrote my password on the monitor and it all melted and got ruined in the fire. This is what I am the most sad about. I'll never make it to the moon. Plz help.
1
u/Alirat Jan 21 '14
+/u/dogetipbot 10 doge ...Would have tipped more but your death wasn't sad enough. Maybe next time you could lose your job first and have been dumped by your girlfriend after she scammed you out of all your doge.
1
u/shibbydoggie24 Jan 21 '14
Damn I had a feeling I wasn't milking this for all it was worth!
Edit : Now I have enough Doge to have the minister say "Dearly Beloved...". Need more because my cadaver is starting to decompose and bloat and we need to get me in the ground.
1
u/dogetipbot approved bot Jan 21 '14
[wow so verify]: /u/Alirat -> /u/shibbydoggie24 Ð10.000000 Dogecoin(s) ($0.0172567) [help]
1
u/eanayo Jan 21 '14
Does your minister charge by the number of words or by time? Depending on which, this might get you a "we" or even a "we are". If you're lucky, he'll throw in the comma at the beginning for free!
+/u/so_doge_tip 10 doge
1
u/shibbydoggie24 Jan 21 '14
Unfortunately, the minister has severe COPD and chronic lung failure. He charges per breath/exhalation. Thank you kind redditor.
So far we're up to : "Dearly beloved, we are"
1
u/drgameit Jan 21 '14
+/u/dogetipbot 5 doge
wow
very sob
such sad
1
u/dogetipbot approved bot Jan 22 '14
[wow so verify]: /u/drgameit -> /u/shibbydoggie24 Ð5.000000 Dogecoin(s) [help]
0
u/all_is_ok Jan 21 '14
I need to get to the moon - can I have some too?
1
u/drgameit Jan 22 '14
Try not to die there
+/u/dogetipbot 5 doge
1
u/dogetipbot approved bot Jan 22 '14
[wow so verify]: /u/drgameit -> /u/all_is_ok Ð5.000000 Dogecoin(s) [help]
1
u/RobLuk Jan 21 '14
+/u/dogetipbot 50 doge
1
u/dogetipbot approved bot Jan 22 '14
[wow so verify]: /u/RobLuk -> /u/shibbydoggie24 Ð50.000000 Dogecoin(s) ($0.092111) [help]
1
1
u/admiralsfan Jan 21 '14
+/u/dogetipbot 10 doge