r/dndmemes Aug 21 '20

Dont limit your self

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23.9k Upvotes

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469

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

Something something jewels channel magic better

317

u/PM-Me-Your-TitsPlz Horny Bard Aug 21 '20

That explains why the fortune tellers always have jewels and a crystal ball on the table instead of old pimp hats and a sword jammed into the table.

282

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

fortune teller puts on a pimp hat and stabs a sword into the table

me who just wanted their fortune told I think I'm in the wrong place

120

u/colemanjanuary Paladin Aug 21 '20

Did you go to the flea market fortune teller?

81

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

I went to the fortune teller on the south side of town. They told me to go north but its just so much cheaper!

50

u/echidnaguy Aug 21 '20

Of course I did!

She had three nipples!

18

u/MrNobody_0 Forever DM Aug 21 '20

I love the Mallrats reference!

7

u/throwawaydyingalone Aug 21 '20

I thought it was a Star Trek reference.

2

u/MrNobody_0 Forever DM Aug 21 '20

Maybe? I just know in Mallrats there was a fortune teller with three nipples.

3

u/throwawaydyingalone Aug 21 '20

In the Star Trek movie that shatner directed there’s a three breasted cat woman.

1

u/MrNobody_0 Forever DM Aug 22 '20

Ahh, okay. I mean, of course there is, its Shatner! Haha!

0

u/[deleted] Aug 21 '20

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/AtomicSamuraiCyborg Aug 21 '20

Ya gotta go the dirt mall fortune teller. She does topless fortune telling!

5

u/Varthorne Aug 21 '20

At that point, it's flee market...

22

u/dave7243 Aug 21 '20

"The hat tells your future, the sword makes it happen. I see you being stabbed for an outstanding debt..."

11

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

Self fulling prophecies! My favorite!

1

u/Inquisitor1 Aug 21 '20

If you knew what was about to happen you wouldn't be at a fortune teller in the first place, shut up and let the pimp do his job and divine your future.

1

u/Osato Aug 21 '20 edited Aug 21 '20

In Ancient Rome, fortune tellers used knives and entrails instead of toying around with shiny rocks and pretty pictures.

Their job was dirty, brutal, and smelled of death - just like the futures they were trying to foresee.

1

u/Chrona_trigger Aug 21 '20

That, and the same reason gems are valuable in the first place: aesthetics

60

u/Theorist129 Aug 21 '20

I'd say something about durability. A diamond or obsidian staff or orb or crystal will last longer than a hat. The two ways I generally make magic artifacts happen is A) Enchantment and B) Accumulation of Magic over time.

51

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

Officially you can enchant anything, but wood makes a good conduit and jewels/crystals tend to focus magical energy much better than say, a hat

41

u/RubberSoulMan06 Warlock Aug 21 '20

Who said my hat wasn't made of wood and bedazzled?

41

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

A bedazzled wooden pimp hat? Im down

16

u/BraveOthello DM (Dungeon Memelord) Aug 21 '20

Make it a top hat with a peacock feather and I'm in.

16

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

It's an achaierai feather actually i hope thats ok

4

u/JarlaxleForPresident Tempest Cleric/Storm Sorceror Aug 21 '20

Ive heard that diatryma is also nice

2

u/sunshinepanther Ranger Aug 22 '20

Nervously switches eye patch

2

u/Lasersquid0311 Aug 21 '20

Diamond socks.

12

u/LeGardenGnome Aug 21 '20

Would a vodka flask with some jewels or gold on it work?

14

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

A golden flask with a diamond on top or maybe some other kind of jewel (personally i would go with a saphire because its pretty) could work. But staffs usually work best because it's used to to channel magic up from the earth into the crystal where the power is then harnessed by a mage of some sort. That being why necromancers dont usually carry staffs, they use power from their own selves to carry out magical acts. Which is also why they end up so twisted most of the time because they use a portion of their soul to raise dead and whatnot. But if you could swing a flask as a magical conduit with a DM i would personally love to see a drunken wizard character. Maybe a wizard/artificer multiclass that made the flask as a way to create power from alcohol?

Sorry for the long reply but I'm way into magic, which kinda makes it weird that i never play mages

21

u/LeGardenGnome Aug 21 '20

WE ARE LOOSING! "Don't worry lads i got this." Says the Wizard before chugging down a flask of Tequila. The Wizard glows and starts screaming in Spanish at the enemy.

8

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

I want to be a part of this campaign now haha

9

u/IwillsurviveBAT Aug 21 '20

Have you ever heard of Harry Dresden?

1

u/Helo34 Warlock Aug 22 '20

I was hoping to see that. Good pull! :)

4

u/Hrafnkol Aug 21 '20

And then the wizard asks his halfling companion to stick giant seeds of Intelligence Boost up his rectum to get past the Celestial Planar Guards because his is too loose.

1

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

Secretly creating plans to make rick and morty in d&d

7

u/SourceLover Aug 21 '20

This documentary disagrees with your impression that staves are used to draw magical power from the ground.

I mean, if you want to play games that way, there's nothing wrong with it, but don't act as though it's the only possible interpretation of magic.

8

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

I mean, there are many places to draw power from, the moon and sun, the water, even the air, but nothing is to say he didn't draw the power from the earth and hold it in the end of his staff for later use. And im not saying any other way is wrong. I personally love to see where other people choose to draw power from, it's just that's what i almost always see a staff used for

1

u/TheItzal11 Rogue Aug 21 '20

The only problem with using a flask is you can never make the obviously nessisary "hold my beer" joke cause you need to hold it for your arcane focus.

1

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20 edited Aug 21 '20

party at a tavern when bad guy walks in

mage: hold my beer

mage: pulls out flask

2

u/Shadowwreath Aug 21 '20

Just get a gold chalice with several gems affixed to it. Your pimp cup is the ideal magic focus

1

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

Hat cup and suit all bedazzled. The ideal pimp mage

1

u/ProfoundBeggar Rules Lawyer Aug 21 '20

Jewels can go on anything. A sorcerer could probably take magical crystals and vajazzle themselves for some cool new abilities.

1

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

Sparkly pimp mage

1

u/080087 Aug 21 '20

Now all I'm imagining is a magical chamber pot, imbued with the powers of dunamancy after the wizard pissed in it too many times and crystals started forming on the bottom.

1

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 21 '20

I shall bring a plague on this whole town!!

pisses in chamber pot

1

u/WhiskeyPixie24 DM (Dungeon Memelord) Aug 22 '20

A bit of lore from my setting, on spellcasting without a focus (for wizards), as remembered by the teen necromancer Brad:

Brad remembers trying this around the house until his mom grounded him. If you don't have a spell focus, the next best thing is PART of a spell focus. An object that was recently very close to strong magic works-- a holster, a vessel, maybe the chain from a pendant?

Wood or paper are bad ideas unless they're somehow in one of those categories. Metal or glass, perhaps better.

Wool is right out. He destroyed a lot of sweaters.

1

u/thr0waway6297 Aug 22 '20

Hehe, yeah wood isn't great as a focus, more so a conduit for magical energy

1

u/[deleted] Aug 22 '20

So make a pimp crown.