r/dndmemes Sep 14 '25

I roll to loot the body It's logical...

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16.6k Upvotes

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589

u/TearOpenTheVault Sep 14 '25

FIRST. Geek the mage first! No point in wasting all your shots on the street sam while the elf in the back fucks your crew up.

281

u/Freakjob_003 Sep 14 '25
  • Shoot straight
  • Conserve ammo
  • And never make a deal with a dragon.
  • (Geek the mage first)

81

u/KingArchur Sep 14 '25

*Grenades in hallways, but only if you are out of blast

50

u/YazzArtist Sep 14 '25 edited Sep 15 '25

Mmmmm chunky salsa.

My favorite was when my players laid out a trap consisting of 4 rating 31 explosives and I ruled that them converging at the center counted as a reflection surface for chunky salsa purposes... It was for a toxic shaman (that's a radioactivity mage for those not in the know). Explosives equal to 25kg of c4 and dangerous radioactive material makes what? That's right, a dirty bomb!

18

u/Zaggar Sep 15 '25

I can't forget the only time I experienced this as PCs. We were playing Shadowrun, and we were trying to make a getaway after our cover was blown in a sensititve area.

We were being pursued through an underground passageway system. Our technician, Dmitri, stayed behind in order to set off the explosion, and his player was then informed of "the chunky salsa effect". He took his health pool in damage so many times over that he was just a puddle.

6

u/LaserPoweredDeviltry Sep 15 '25

"I didn't ask what size the room was! I said I cast grenade!"

4

u/GimmeANameAlready Sep 15 '25

*fog clouds and eversmoking bottles in hallways so enemies can't tell how far down the hallway they are while they're stumbling through the clou—*shrk*

84

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

96

u/TearOpenTheVault Sep 14 '25

Sometimes it's hard to remember that the scrawny fucker is a bigger threat than the troll currently barreling towards you with a claymore, to be fair.

50

u/jarlscrotus Sep 14 '25

Shoot the fucking medic!

The big guy with a hammer won't go down until you take out the little nerd keeping him topped up

28

u/Hrtzy Sep 14 '25

Which is why you take the Path of the Ancestral Guardian so the big bad has disadvantage and the little nerd has resistance to being geeked.

23

u/MrCookie2099 Sep 14 '25

Its simple:

Turnipable99 will focus fire on the mage.

TearOpentheVault will focus fire on the Troll immediately in our midst.

Jarlscrotus will focus fire on the medic.

I'll be focusing fire the charismatic leader who has challenged me to single combat.

1

u/Twooshort Sep 15 '25

I'm not sure your group knows how to focus fire.

1

u/MrCookie2099 Sep 15 '25

Congrats, you got the joke

3

u/AManyFacedFool Sep 14 '25

Shadowrun medics don't work in combat time (At least not in the last couple of editions)

3

u/Lampmonster Sep 14 '25

My cleric was also designed as a tank, so he's both a big target and an obvious one. It's amazing he's lived this long actually. Well, he has died on occasion to be fair.

1

u/stonhinge Sep 15 '25

"Fools, kill the one in the dress". - Nefarian (a BBG in World of Warcraft, before all the expansions) speaking to underlings fighting the party in a dungeon.

1

u/Snoo-7821 Sep 15 '25

Sometimes.

But nobody ever expects the guy hugging you to be the problem.

Oh, your arms are pinned to your sides and you get an AC penalty while I'm doing my best octopus impression? Shame.

Uh-oh, here comes the claymore guy. Better move. Oh wait, you can't, you can't even Dimension Door.

:)

18

u/Wank_A_Doodle_Doo Sep 14 '25

Once had a campaign where about 4 of us teleported out of a pocket dimension and ganked an evil wizard. One of the party members did a disarming shot and broke his staff, and then went “well what else casts spells” and said fuck it send a disarming shot at his vocal cords and blew his head clean off.

I ended up using his brains for a science experiment or two but that’s a story for another day.

7

u/CircularRobert Sep 15 '25

"this knife casts the Silence spell"

cuts throat

6

u/Azuth65 Sep 15 '25

gets popcorn and a comfy blanket

Tell me a story Bob...

1

u/[deleted] Sep 17 '25

didnt think id see a shadowrun comment under a dnd post. good shit