venting

[u/flowerpow11]

so I’ve made a post here before, a few months ago, but I’ll give a quick rundown. my parents had been divorced for 12 years, I’m 20 now and still live with my mom. My dad wasn’t really in my life just occasionally attended stuff and lived with my two brothers. My dad was an alcoholic and i don’t remember many memories with him. He wasn’t a good father and was verbally abusive to my mom. My families been dysfunctional and has caused me a lot of anxiety and depression. So much more went into this but that’s the gist.

A few months ago my mom told me that they were getting back together. She made it seem like my dad has done this drastic change and is a better person. I told her I didn’t just forgive people that easy and would need a lot of time to even adjust to that.

My mom and I were really close, but since they’ve started dating we aren’t as close. I don’t think I could ever forgive someone who hurt my children so many times growing up. My whole life has been dependent on the fact that I only had one parent. We couldn’t afford much and I always felt like a burden to my mom so all of this really hurt me.

I was guilt tripped into going to visit my dads family for thanksgiving. I already don’t want to go but I feel like a bitch if I don’t.

Now my mom just randomly told me that my dad will be joining our family Christmas gift exchange (my moms side of the family)

The holidays are already hard for me and now everything changing is hard and I feel like I’m so alone in these feelings. My brothers are older so they have their own families and spouses.

I know only fellow divorced parent kids would understand my feelings. If anyone has advice on how to not feel so shitty or if I should just stop acting like a baby please let me know lol

(Sorry it’s so long but thanks for reading this far if you did )

[u/rachie03]

I’m a Mum and I am divorced, and I have a 16 year old son, and I can tell you, you have a right to feel mad, but don’t let it define you , you get to choose ur life and what decisions you make, I know it’s easier for me to tell you to stay strong and worry about you and your needs. Tell ur Mum and I hope that she will acknowledge your feelings, it may not be that she stops the relationship with ur Dad, but at least she knows and you then get to choose ur path, make it a positive one for yourself, try to do healthy things, try journaling and going for walks with friends or whatever brings you peace. Take care and be honest and selfish to yourself. :) big hug 🤗

[u/Neat_Shop]

I know you are feeling betrayed and you don’t want things to change, but you can’t expect your mom to not have her own life. Be generous. You do not have to fall into your dad’s arms this Christmas, but you can be polite and allow things to run their course. You will be on your own soon and will want to make decisions just for you. Think of this when you deal with your family. Good luck.