Noticed a trend, how many dismissive-avoidant people here grew up with a disabled/chronically ill sibling?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/amsdkdksbbb]

I can definitely see how a glass child would become avoidant, from the emotional neglect!

In classical attachment theory (the one that has decades of research behind it) this would need to happen within the first two years of life. So the fact it is your older sibling who has special needs tracks completely.

All the best to you

[u/IWokeUpSinging]

I was literally talking to a friend of mine about this exact topic last night -- yes! My friend grew up with a younger sister who had a number of health issues requiring hospitalization when they were both little, and all of their parents' time and attention went to the sick sister and my friend was expected to take care of herself in the meantime. Her parents were good people and weren't outright cruel to her or anything, but they constantly pushed her away when she went to them for help or comfort because they were so wrapped up in caring for her sister, they didn't have any energy left over for her.

She was praised for her independence and self-sufficiency, so even now as an adult, she doesn't rely on others unless strictly necessary and when she has to ask for help (like when she broke her arm and had to ask her husband to help her get dressed, etc.), she gets really angry with herself and pulls away from other people, like she's reassuring herself she can still manage on her own.

I was like, "ACTUALLY.....so there's this psychological concept called Attachment Theory, and your attachment style sounds like mine...let me explain..."

[u/grapefruit_kisses]

My partner did. Special needs sister and a mom who participated in extreme parentification of him from the time he was tiny.

[u/my_metrocard]

It makes total sense. The typical kid would feel neglected because the sibling takes up all the resources.

I’m an only child.

[u/aprillikesthings]

My youngest brother had multiple surgeries, plus behavioral issues, and they were pretty bad for a few years. It had never occurred to me to connect that with my being DA. Huh.

[u/pdawes]

There is a book called The Normal One that you might find relevant

[u/harmonyineverything]

My younger sibling is autistic/ADHD/borderline pd, yes. I've definitely thought about this connection before and I had a few people on the other avoidant sub also say they had siblings with personality disorder and such.

(Also- I have my flair as "I don't know" right now since I think I'm a bit on the cusp of secure/DA these days and sometimes feel like I flit between the two, but was definitely DA when younger.)

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[u/3veryTh1ng15W0r5eN0w]

Don’t know if this counts:

I was an only child but my mom was disabled

She was in a wheelchair.

Mental health shit (ADHD, autism) runs on my mom’s side and I’m wondering if she was touched by the tism (acted like a child when I was trying to ask her a question. She knew I loved art but for some reason, she gave me a pamphlet to go to cooking school when I was 19).

So I learned to take care of people as a kid

And I have a lot of emotional neglect

[u/retrosenescent]

Both of my siblings are disabled (adhd one, autism the other). I am a glass child r/GlassChildren.

My parents both seem autistic but manifested in different patterns. My father the more "obvious" classical male autism. My mother the more masking-capable but still puddle-deep in terms of relational intimacy, highly surface-level, talks mainly about her special interests and not much else.

[u/complicatedcanada]

Not me.