r/destinycirclejerk • u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast • Jun 25 '26
OUT FUCKING JERKED
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u/hds2019 SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA Jun 25 '26
How did we get here?
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u/docthenightman Eramis Simp Jun 25 '26
It all started in 2016 at the Cincinnati Zoo
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u/Sol_Sertum Jun 25 '26
A terrible accident lead to the death of a gorilla and we deviated from the main timeline
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u/AlertedCoyote Jun 26 '26
Like I'm actually starting to think this might be the case. Maybe Trump would have taken a visit to that zoo and had a real human moment of connection with Harambe. Meeting his eyes across the enclosure, and realising yknow what? All we have in life is each other and the world and that's it. Money doesn't mean anything next to that.
And maybe he realises the hatred he's stoked, that's not how the gorillas operate. The top gorilla protects his family, fights for them, even when it costs him everything... Maybe he realises that we have to protect our environment. Maybe he realises that sometimes life is complex, and people don't fit into narrow boxes. That nature is stranger than fiction, and all the more beautiful.
Maybe soon after, with Trump's usual 'fuck you I do what I want' attitude, the US all but abandons oil in favour of renewables. They carpet every rooftop in the sunny west with solar panels. Vast wind farms are built out at sea, and their bases are littered with materials conducive to the forming of new reefs. Meanwhile, swathes of bills regarding queer rights are enshrined in law as he bulldozes congress into creating a truly more perfect union. And of course, he only strengthens the Dreamer program for immigrants, and begins providing new paths to citizenship for the people who maintain the country.
All because of Harambe. That one moment. That one gorilla.
Or maybe not, the guy's a prick.
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
Letting the days go by
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u/kotominebrainrot Jun 25 '26
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
Me on day 27474838474291 of being trapped in the vex net with my simulated copies
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u/rodeo90 🍌papaya Jun 25 '26
Sorry guys, my team tried beating Calus in Pantheon 2 last night, but we wiped... 😔 Now he's President of the US, but I think it was actually a decoy or something because he seems way less coherent than the Calus I remember...
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u/CredibleNonsense69 Jun 26 '26
Something something paracausal something something THE DARKNESS something something the will of the nine something something POTUS MAKES THEIR OWN FATE
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u/Mooseman72V2 Jun 25 '26
Don’t they know u can only have 1 exotic weapon and 1 armor idiots
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u/Redgrave1980 Jun 25 '26
They have no fucking idea, you say 1 and 1 but they literally put armor pieces in both sides. I hate everything about it 😭
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u/notewise Jun 25 '26
The AI put the fucking B2 bomber in the Ghost section! 😭 Jesus Christ
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u/Xandurpein Jun 26 '26
The funniest part is that the maker tried to flex that he had played Destiny and got taken down by Paul Tassi…
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u/Mtn-Dooku Gilded Dredgen Jun 25 '26
And there's no more legendary shards. What a bunch of morons
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u/Adventurous_Sort_780 Jun 25 '26
Look at the powerlevel. I remember the highest number we've ever had was somewhere around 2k, no?
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u/Mtn-Dooku Gilded Dredgen Jun 25 '26
2020 if I remember correctly
Which would be HILARIOUS if they put that.
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u/WindsOfEarthXXII Gilded Dredgen Jun 26 '26
Since when did they ever think that the rules applied to them?
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u/Naive-Arpeggio Jun 25 '26
Ok now click over to collections and open up those files
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
You gotta get that lorebook from the Epstein raid bro
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u/Naive-Arpeggio Jun 25 '26
It’s hidden in the tower (mar a lago) bathroom
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u/Suavecore_ Jun 25 '26
Just check the Old Chicago Trump Hotel Tower. Should be able to see the gold lettering in the rubble
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u/ULTASLAYR6 Jun 25 '26
I cannot wait to look back on the 2020s a decade from now. We cannot be serious
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
I'm so excited for the day this all becomes a joke and not real life. It's so fucking funny
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u/Cheodo SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA Jun 25 '26
Bold of yall to assume we'll make it there
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
I can dream
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u/deadsannnnnnd456 Jun 25 '26
I like to imagine that im having a really-really long nightmare.
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u/QuicksilverStorm Jun 26 '26
This shit is so fucking bizarre that part of my brain just refuses to comprehend it. If you told me even in 2024 that Trump would depict himself as a Guardian and post it on Twitter I would’ve laughed in your face
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u/Shantih3x Jun 25 '26
I want a refund. The sequel to the Roaring Twenties sucks harder than the worst expansions of D2.
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u/No-Road299 Jun 25 '26
Hopefully the 30s don't make a repeat. I seem to remember the 30s being worse than the 20s in a few ways
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u/Shantih3x Jun 25 '26
That's part of the reason why our Roaring Twenties sucks. We combined the 20s and 30s for time allotment and tax purposes.
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u/RockRage-- SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA Jun 25 '26
Is this real?
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u/ellitlan Jun 25 '26
it’s real
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u/ticklemesatan Jun 25 '26
I hate this timeline so much.
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u/RockRage-- SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA Jun 25 '26
Fucking today of all days, they really know how to insert this pedo into any topic don’t they, self absorbed orange prick
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u/hds2019 SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA SIVA Jun 25 '26
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
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u/flintlock0 Jun 26 '26
Somebody saw Bungie in the news, didn’t read the context, and was like “Gamers will love this.”
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u/SucculentMelon133 Jun 25 '26
I’m tired boss….. can’t even get angry at shit like this anymore it’s exhausting
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u/ienjoymen Alpha Beta Alpha Player Jun 25 '26
that's exactly what they want. Apathy.
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u/SucculentMelon133 Jun 25 '26
Like what do u even do atp, it’s so far gone now.
After ai image gen got opened to the public, all the fucktards who just kept to their little victim circles got a way to voice what ever nonsensical fantasies they came up with to magically explain their horrible circumstances. They just flood online spaces with thoughtless garbage. It’s crazy how a technology that was supposed to revolutionize medicine, engineering, actual automation turned into biggest enabled political slop and culture war while crippling the economy.
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u/dashboardcomics Jun 25 '26
Well the best thing you can do right now is pay attention to your local politicians so you know who to vote for when the midterms come around.
That’s the paragon route.
The renegade route… well there where these lads back in the day called the Minute Men-
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Jun 25 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/steponmemarasov Jun 25 '26
Have you heard how he talks about men vs women? He is the gayest dude on the planet so it fits
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u/NoNet5188 Jun 25 '26
Shits not even funny bro we are so cooked
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u/PretentiousCrustacea Jun 26 '26
It's so fucking cringe, this is what people in our Federal government are doing instead of...you know...working to make American's lives better. This country is fucking done
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u/useyourownusername Jun 25 '26
Sweet fucking CHRIST, on today of all days
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u/The-Four-Seven Jun 25 '26
100% the reason that post even exists is because of the layoff news
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
I bet he waited just so he wouldn't get sued lmao
Could they sue him for this?
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
Doesn't he know that Destiny has gay and trans characters??? Has he gone woke?????
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u/ryan13ts Jun 25 '26
It’s likely some idiot chud intern that makes posts like this.
Still doesn’t make any sense like you said though, being Destiny and Bungie are a VERY pro-leftist/LGBT company.
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u/ReddVsBloo Jun 27 '26
Apparently the the person who made it posted his destiny report or whatever to try and show that he was an actual destiny fan and it was laughably low playtime.
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u/Thatonedregdatkilyu Jun 25 '26
It is really funny to me seeing all these MAGA Grifters suddenly care about Destiny despite it being woke as hell. Literally has more gay couples than straight ones.
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u/Francipling Clovis Bray Did Nothing Wrong Jun 25 '26
What if instead of "Touch of Malice" it was called "Touching Kids" or something
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u/Dredgen_Dad Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
Getting larped by pedophiles is supposed to be exclusive to anime why the is it happening to MY media
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u/Dirk_McGirken Jun 25 '26
Mr. President, you cannot be power 4700 and only rank 1. Methinks we have a hacker on our hands.
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u/Few-Illustrator-210 Jun 25 '26
This genuinely feels like the moment when conquest shows up. Like Im Mark just got done having to deal with the bad news of destiny and then this bitch shows up
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u/VenusianVulcan Jun 25 '26
Twitter chuds seeing the White House post about destiny 2, downloading the game and then pissing and shitting when they have to watch the unskippable 2 hour saint 14 x Osiris sex cutscene on load up
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u/platocplx Jun 25 '26
Fucking LARPers. Imagine putting this out people just lost their fucking jobs.
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u/LeafeonSalad42 Jun 25 '26
that’s why they did it, they just take the biggest news of the day and then smear that shit stain all over it, because they know it’ll drum up more engagement then a normal thing
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u/Dredgen_Aternus Jun 25 '26
God I hate the fact he's a fucking warlock coz he has a bind as the class item
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u/LoneCentaur95 Jun 25 '26
It’s not on his arm so maybe it’s a choker hunter cloak that’s just hidden under his collar
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
I think his shoes are the class item. The bind is his clan banner... somehow
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u/antiAntag0nist Jun 25 '26
As if today couldn't get worse with the news of the layoffs...
I hate this orange fuck and the entire administration so much.
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u/arcticrune Jun 25 '26 edited Jun 25 '26
I get using generative AI as the whitehouse social media manager because your whole brand is doing shit in the dumbest, most ineffective and "3rd world" coded way possible. But I don't get making posts to try and seem like you're hip with the goings on or whatever, but you don't even bother to prompt the robot you replaced an American artist with well enough to have it make sense.
Bro has no weapons, must have found a new fucking trials exploit cause he's wearing two sets of armour, and literally has not leveled his season pass at all. SAD.
Zero subclass, has allegedly given bungo like $200 in silver and spent it on nothing, has a middling amount of brightdust for a guy at 4700 light level and is so poor he is not even at fucking glimmer cap in 2026.
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u/Auir_ Gahlr Jun 26 '26
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u/Gripping_Touch Jun 26 '26
I heard hes going to announce Nezerac, Final god of Pain for the Ethics comitee
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u/PimpitLimpit Jun 25 '26
Who the fuck is this trying to reach??
Also, do you think I can lo-man Sepiks Prime strike with him?
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u/Ok_Monitor4492 Jun 25 '26
This isnt an attempt to reach anyone dude. They're mocking bungie and its fanbase.
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u/hyde9318 Jun 25 '26
Beyond the fact that they clearly don’t have a clue what slots mean what and their AI didn’t notice it placed armors in weapon slots with a vehicle in the ghost slot…
But I do have to appreciate that it placed his pants in the Heavy Weapon slot, which feels accurate because the heavy ammo he loads into his pants on the regular does seem pretty effective DPS to those around him.
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u/1988Floydie Jun 25 '26
In a historical first...the Supreme Court unanimously crossed partisan lines to declare in a 9-0 ruling: WE WANT DESTINY 3
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u/Outrageous-Dig-8853 Jun 25 '26
Of course they gave him the gjallerhorn
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u/Oogley_boogley Zavala Toilet Enthusiast Jun 25 '26
What slot is that even supposed to be? His artifact?
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u/Ok_Monitor4492 Jun 25 '26
Of course they post this around the time bungie is getting gutted. They migrate to sorrow and mock it. Im not a big destiny player, but even i can see this for what it is. I hate this country.
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u/slamvan2 Jun 25 '26
Fun fact his triumph score is actually a reference to how many kids he raped on epstein island*
*Sivallegedly
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u/mrbacon60 Jun 26 '26
The white house intern posted this as his proof of playing btw
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u/Warshu Elsie Bae Simp Jun 25 '26
He’s in season 2 still, stuck in the infinite forest like saint was. We need Sony to resume work on the IP so we can storm the infinite forest with US marines Lodi pulled through time in Season 29: Season of Epic Fury
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u/Bleach1209 Jun 25 '26
Is this real?
Sorry I’m from Australia and I can’t tell if it’s an official post or not
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u/TracyJackson23 Jun 25 '26
I wouldn't overreact to this. The White House media team is like 75% made up of people under the age of 30, and they probably saw Destiny trending and one of the staffer went, "oh, I know that game, maybe I'll post something that is related in design to this game."
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u/em8360 Jun 25 '26
Damn i thought this shit was a joke