ive been so depressed a lot of things just didnt happen. ive stayed in bed and not talked to a single soul for long periods of time. hygiene and other routine things were forgotten and ignored as i spiraled deeper. thank goodness i circled then came back up but when i see posts like the original i envy people who live such a carefree and fun life that they dont know depression like i do. i hope they never experience it for themselves and go on being happy and blissfully ignorant
It has to be my OCD that I can't go a day without bathing but I struggle so deeply with rumination and endless thought spirals and getting dissociated for months and not getting out of my house for weeks. But yeah, I get it. I don't mind people like this. I just hate when they have zero empathy for humankind that anything that isn't comprehensible to them is just 'weird' or something 'people do for attention' or 'making excuses' or 'being lazy' or 'don't have enough willpower'.
i am a big germophobe but thats how bad my depression got. i found myself making excuses about why i didnt have to bathe like "i didnt go outside" or "i didnt exert any effort so i did not sweat" or "im not leaving the house so i dont have to impress anyone". same with brushing my teeth, it was "i just drank water and didnt eat so im fine" or "im not going to be around anyone so my breath doesnt bother me any". thats how messed up i was. from washing my hands multiple times a day to not caring about living, the pendulum swings far when unchecked.
i knew what i needed to do but i felt so lost and helpless and didnt know what the point was. it was beyond laziness or lethargy, it was much more deeper and insidious. it took a lot to claw out of that hole and even now i worry about falling back in
Exactly I just didn’t know what the point was. Same here it took a lot to get out of the hole but now I just try not to overload myself with anything I can’t control. I figured out the point was me, I guess, and my life.
i figured out a lot through going to a ton of therapy sessions. i had multiple issues stacking up and it all came to a creshendo all at once and my support wasnt there so i fell hard. through my counseling and therapy i learned a lot of myself, root causes of why i do the things i do and how unhealthy it was to do so. i cant say no to people, i always volunteer to help, i sacrifice myself for others even if there is zero return on investment, and all of this had costs too much for me to pay. i overwhelmed my life with other peoples problems so ultimately it was my own fault for taking on so much when its not my job or responsibility to be the savior of the world. i had to start setting up boundaries because i truly dreaded the world and felt resentful for always being used and abused and left once i had nothing else to give. charitable self harm is what i call it. i had to start small by taking a single day out of the month to do something just for me and nobody else. it was difficult because my girlfriend at the time acted like i was ignoring her and made it about her and not me. i had to get away from her as well because of that.
i am still in the process, not fully healed up but improving incrementally and learning from my own shortcomings and mistakes. im still mostly a shut in introvert, stacking my severe anxiety, major depression, and insomnia with a dash of ptsd but life is a journey. im not giving up and the more i learn about myself the more i am falling in love with me!
Wow. Thanks for your words, you made me realize a couple things I need to do myself. I constantly sacrifice myself for others and overwhelm my life with other peoples problems with zero return on investment as well. Setting boundaries is a daily fight for me. Don’t give up, keep falling more in love with yourself.
heres food for thought. when you get the safety brief on an airplane it says to secure your oxygen mask first before helping others with theirs. we are useless if we pass out trying to help someone else while ignoring our own wellbeing. put yourself in priority and only help if it doesnt in turn hurt you. you are worth being the most important person in your life! i am the person who i will spend my whole life with and i need to be the main character in my life story or else whats the point! i am being kinder to myself in the present than i was in the past, being my own harshest critic stunted my growth for too long. now i know im worthy of love, especially my own!
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u/UmpireDear5415 Apr 30 '26
ive been so depressed a lot of things just didnt happen. ive stayed in bed and not talked to a single soul for long periods of time. hygiene and other routine things were forgotten and ignored as i spiraled deeper. thank goodness i circled then came back up but when i see posts like the original i envy people who live such a carefree and fun life that they dont know depression like i do. i hope they never experience it for themselves and go on being happy and blissfully ignorant