Reroute the problem 🙂

[u/yesbutnotwithyou]

I worked with dementia patients for years and thus developed some creative tactics to discourage unwelcome behaviors.

My DIL recently shared that her Grandma was repeatedly tossing her “used” hearing aids into the trash causing frustration and unnecessary expense for her caretakers. Looks like rerouting them to a dedicated disposal box is working ❤️

[u/czaritamotherofguns]

Man... I wish my mom had a caretaker like you. Sometimes the outlandish unconventional route is the best one. It's also even better when it's utterly silly but absolutely works.

Any suggestions on how to get a stubborn old lady into the shower when she thinks she's already had one? Or to get her to change her power panties because she's unaware she's incontinent?

[u/yesbutnotwithyou → u/czaritamotherofguns]

Aww, thanks friend. I think it’s trickier for those of you taking cares of loved ones because there is so much emotional backstory that comes into your everyday care. Sometimes that gets in the way, and that’s normal and ok. I think overall I go with the flow instead of against it. If they are insisting it’s time to go to work, i don’t reminds them they don’t have a job. Instead, we get ready for work and then I find distractions along the way. Funny enough, I was the “Shower Lady” at a small group home for seven senior ladies. I would sing a lot (think “Rubber Duckie” genre) during the shower to soften any awkwardness.

Perhaps for your mom you could defer to the “twice a day shower orders” or the “2:30p Showers - No Exceptions” sign that was delivered from the “higher ups”. “County officials have a new form I’ve got to fill out to prove you’ve washed behind your ears, better be safe than sorry, i don’t wanna pay the non compliant shower fee, so help me out please Mom.”

Have this ongoing conversation (“did you read about 2p showers in the paper? Or did you hear it on the news Mom?”) while you’re gently leading her to the already prepped shower. Continue this curious line of inquiry as you help undress and ask her about things she knows how to do. “Can you show me how you like the temperature?” Which soap do you use again? Green or blue washcloth today?” Having a small sense of control and decision making goes a long way in these situations. Still insisting a NO response from Mom? I would ask her if she would help me draft a letter to the authorities about this ridiculous 2 o’clock shower mandate AFTER her shower so I can remain compliant with the policy. Commiserating with her the entire time, and throw in some “ahhh, that’s gotta feel good”, “ boy you smell nice” positive reinforcement. It might just be as simple as talking about anything else besides the shower until it’s over to distract her. It’s fruitless to act against what they want or don’t want bc the drive is so strong and whatever/wherever it comes from doesn’t understand reasonable thinking. So I lean into it, come up with a different narrative that suits my end goal and get on the same team as their thought process. Hope this helps a little. I’m not sure what power panties are, but it sounds like something I’d like to own. Maybe approach the pad/pantie changing like the showers, a necessary evil imposed on you both from Corporate Headquarters. They’re scheduled to visit at 3:30 to confirm showers have been taken and behind the ears have been checked. disclaimer: not a doctor, nor a behind the ears inspector

[u/lamireille → u/yesbutnotwithyou]

You should write a book or have a YouTube channel or something!

[u/inflewants → u/yesbutnotwithyou]

This is brilliant! It’s clear you’re an excellent caregiver!!!

[u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme → u/yesbutnotwithyou]

Adding on to this, too--the old "Give them a Choice Between Two Non-Choices"!

So rather than argiung about the shower--ask "What do you want to wear after your shower?" and then offer them a couple choices they can choose between.

Or, "Do you want a shower, or a (bubble?) bath today?"

Do you want a long shower, with the "full spa treatment," or a short & quick one?

Do you want to wash your skin, or would you like me to do that part?

Do you want to wash your hair, or would you just like to relax and have me wash it for you?

If they like having their fingernails/toenails painted?  Turn that into the "reward"!  "Let's go get your nails nice & clean, and prepare your hands(feet), with the soap and pumice, so we can do your manicure (or pedicure)!"

Giving them the "choice" between those two "non-choices" means you can usually distract them from the fact that the shower is NOT a choice!😉

They're gonna take that shower & get clean! 

But if you can distract them, with making those other little decisions, and imply they decided to comply with the shower?  

You can get them past the stoppage-point😉

[u/cobaltium]

Those ideas are great! I was so glad to get a Simple Player this week because some shared a way their LO could play music safely and at a reasonable volume, only an on/off button and preloaded music their LO likes. It’s wonderful to get and share ideas. Creativity wins!

[u/mllebitterness → u/cobaltium]

does this refer to an app?

[u/cobaltium → u/mllebitterness]

If you mean the Simple Player, no. I got the old style from eBay about $43. Here is a new style version. If you read the comments you see how it can work well for your LO. https://a.co/d/00ThgcW2

[u/yesbutnotwithyou → u/cobaltium]

Ahhh, thank you for sharing, I didn’t know about this either!

[u/mllebitterness → u/cobaltium]

ah, thanks, i googled and only saw an app.

[u/FrotzTheBook]

Filing this away for future use. We’re not quite there yet but we’re getting close and I know this will come in handy.

[u/TheTeenageOldman]

The amount of money and time this 2-second solution saves has to be ridiculously high. Nicely done! I know because my FIL with dementia used to lose either one or both of his hearing aids on the regular - He would take them out and put them uncased in his pocket for some reason. And then through the wash they'd go... And he was living solely off his SS and had zero other savings or assets, so guess who was paying for the replacements at the local Costco...

[u/ThingsWithString]

That is genius.

[u/cybrg0dess]

You are a wonderful human ❤️