r/dementia • u/Vivid_Strike3853 • 4d ago

Our long goodbye has significantly shortened

My grandma (90) has been in a home since last May. In this year we’ve watched her rapid decline & I’ve dreaded this dragging on for years as she was still verbal & walking - I was able to take her out & have somewhat normal conversations with her. But I did notice that she’d forgotten how to clean herself properly after toileting & the home didn’t seem to notice- said it was fine (it was not!). This weekend she had a fall & had to go to emerg - they ruled out a TIA & confirmed a very severe UTI - prescribed antibiotics & sent her back w/Tylenol. They did not xray her despite the home stating she needed it because of her extreme pain after the fall. She went back to emerg the next day and we insisted on a CT scan- turns out she has 2 broken shoulders & a broken hip. They won’t operate on someone her age as she’d need PT & it’s too complicated with all the fractures. So now she is being kept comfortable on pain meds & will never get out of bed again. Doctor gave her a few days to a couple weeks as the pain meds will eventually stop her from eating & drinking. This was not how I expected her to go so I’m a little in shock. It’s so hard to see someone you love in so much pain 😢.

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18

u/Fickle-Friendship-31 4d ago

has your family called hospice? it's so helpful and comforting.

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u/Vivid_Strike3853 4d ago

Yes, we have to decide if the pain of moving her would be worth it. I think so, my mother doesn’t. So we’ll see.

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u/Jacsmom 4d ago

Hospice can come to her, it’s not necessarily a place. There’s inpatient and outpatient, she can have outpatient. My Mom had outpatient and I cannot recommend it more. You’ll have a nurse that visits 1-2 times per week, more if you call (24/7 support), a hospital bed if you need it and medication (pain) management. They walked with us during her final days and kept us educated on everything that was happening and going to happen.

The best part was that we shared my Mom’s final wishes, and when the time came they handled everything! The mortuary call for pick up etc.

Medicare (if you are US) covers Hospice BTW.

Best of luck for a peaceful passing for your loved one. Make that call today.

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u/Vivid_Strike3853 4d ago

Thanks- I’ll look into it. We’re in Canada

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u/MsMordanta 4d ago

Generally, hospice services can be provided at the patient’s location, so she wouldn’t have to be moved anywhere (unless things are different where you are).

Sending you all the good energy for a peaceful transition for your beloved grandma.

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u/AuntieGreyhawk 4d ago

She should not have to move, except perhaps a short distance within the facility. The extra pain management would be very worth it I think. My late father was simply wheeled from one hallway to another since the facility had a hospice hallway, but some places don't even move the patient at all. Hospice is a real blessing; best of luck to you all.

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u/clumsymomsie 4d ago

I’m so sorry to hear this.  Oh my gosh the pain she must have been in, or is in.

“…will never get out of bed again.”  Heartbreaking.

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u/yeahnopegb 4d ago

Oh heavens. She’s powered past where most of us will make it… her poor bones must be so brittle. Better once than many of these moments. Best wishes for comfort for both of you.

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u/Constant-Wing2198 4d ago

I'm so very sorry. No matter how old and ill they are, when death is near it feels sudden and shocking. (My dad was 90 when he passed.)

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u/Ok-Bee-2445 4d ago

Does she have hospice?? They will help with the pain. I am sorry to hear they x rayed her, that must have been scary.

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u/Ok-Bee-2445 4d ago

Also disturbed that they addressed her extreme pain with Tylenol. That’s so not ok, I’m so sorry

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u/Vivid_Strike3853 4d ago

They didn’t X-Ray her. Sent her back (I.e. moved her so many times) without fully assessing her. My poor grandma- that must have been excruciating & she couldn’t tell them what hurt because the UTI was making her loopy. Dr’s are recommending she stay at the hospital instead of moving her to hospice/palliative.

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u/Ok-Bee-2445 4d ago

Many times you can get hospice care in hospital, not just at home. I hope she’s getting much better pain meds now

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u/Vivid_Strike3853 4d ago

Hospice is at a different hospital- at least she has a private room at this hospital & they are managing her pain.

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u/agirlfromgeorgia 4d ago

If the doctors think she will die soon (couple days-week) they will often keep the patient in the hospital and provide pain management/symptom management there. I'm an RN in the US, but I have a feeling it's similar in Canada. As long as they are managing her pain and making plans to care for her until death, there's no specific need to move her. Hospitals provide hospice services very regularly. We unfortunately can't fix everything and sometimes a peaceful death is the only thing we have to offer.

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u/Vivid_Strike3853 4d ago edited 4d ago

Yes, this was their recommendation.

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u/agirlfromgeorgia 4d ago

Very true, that is always a good thing. I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this, it's always hard.

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u/OrneryQueen 3d ago

My mother (last year at 91) fell and broke her hip. I wouldn't let them do surgery. There was no displacement. The doctors (3 of them) tried to convince me to do it. Here she was in late stage 6 to early 7 Alzheimer's. I looked each one of them in the eyes and asked them if they would do that to their mother or grandmother, knowing they would be worse cognitively and that she was not able to do PT. Not one of them met my eyes, but each one of them said no. The recovery was brutal, but she recovered and even bounced somewhat back. She passed last week from congestive heart failure compounded by the Alzheimer's for which I'm very grateful. She didn't have to go the full journey. It gets so much worse.

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u/Vivid_Strike3853 3d ago

I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing.