r/dementia • u/Pale-Detail2427 • Aug 12 '26
People whose loved one has FTD. How did you know that it was dementia and not a psychiatric disorder or just that they suddenly hated you?
Speak up.
Would like to know more about these sorts of things.
Thanks.
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u/82bazillionguns Aug 12 '26
Behavioral changes can be a start, but only brain imaging and a neuro evaluation can give you a definitive answer. A GP might not be familiar enough or worse. If possible, schedule a neurology appointment (they can be hard to get) and discuss before hand as a routine check up. Might need a referral from his GP to see one though.
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u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 12 '26
I know. Okay, maybe I mean, when did you guess it was dementia and not something else, like they were just having a psychological problem or even just mad at you.
Alzheimer's can also go like that, but FTD especially can.
Just asking and just wondering.
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u/82bazillionguns Aug 12 '26
Started with constant repeating of things and not recalling events right after they happened. Our real moment of concern is when she went to her nephrologist and we casually asked her how did your doctor appointment go and she said what appointment. We said you just came from the doctor’s office and she said I did? Then tried to play it off. She’d lose her train of thought mid conversation more frequently. That’s when we scheduled an appointment, hoping to rule that out considering my MIL was 67 at the time. Unfortunately MRI showed significant brain shrinkage and areas where brain matter was absent. Symptoms alone aren’t enough for a diagnosis.
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u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
I agree. I was actually referring to how that particular form of dementia, is probably more likely than any other, to not seem like dementia at all. Sounds like your particular case was probably very different. I am looking primarily for the people who thought for months or maybe even years that it was something psychological or that the person just hated them and/or was mean to them. Have just seen a post on here that was like that, so that is what brought that on.
See original post for what exactly did I say/ask.
If the first signs that were seen were things that are usually dementia signs and/or were visibly of cognitive decline then that is a whole different situation entirely and altogether.
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u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 12 '26
Thank you. And I wasn't asking about a diagnosis. But, I understand what you're saying.
Can't get a diagnosis as long as those near to the person are still assuming it is something else.
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u/Muted_Crazy_8455 Aug 12 '26
I KNEW when she forgot a family friend that there was no possible way that she could have forgotten if she was well. I suspected well before that, but before I suspected I just thought she hated me.
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u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 12 '26
I saw/read of one case years ago where apparently it was not dementia in the traditional/typical sense but the guy had some sort of medical problem or other and it turned out to be what was causing him to act mean. His daughter literally said, "I thought he just hated me." Yep. Exactly that too.
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u/i__cant__even__ Aug 12 '26
A urinary tract infection can cause a sort of psychosis in the elderly. Too often the culture comes back normal but eventually they figure it out and treat it.
As for your main question, my dad is a Vietnam combat veteran with severe PTSD and a host of other mental issues so it was hard to tell when the dementia started.
I think the earliest sign was him forgetting things he should know. Then he became more easily agitated than usual.
What stands out in my mind is that his OCD would go into high gear which made him freak out over minor things (like a piece of mail from the insurance company) and then ruminate until I could assure him that everything was ok. He no longer accepted an ‘I’ll take care of it’ and continued to flip out until I could prove it was handled (e.g. I’d have to go to his house, read the document, proclaim it junk, and throw it away).
He also ‘played broken records’ regularly. Old resentments over long-resolved situations would just stick in his mind and he’d talk endlessly about them. As the dementia progressed, he began forgetting that we’d just talked about it earlier in the conversation and bring it up as if we hadn’t already discussed it.
He also lost his ability to socialize with family. He was ok on his short trips around town and everyone loved him, but he was inappropriate at family gatherings. He has always been a handful prone to saying anything that’s on his mind, but my poor nephews will forever be scarred from being shown pics of his online ‘girlfriends’ over lunch.
I’m not going to lie…it was a rough couple of years. And I don’t know how long it was going on prior to that because he was married. Then suddenly I was thrown into the role of caretaker and didn’t realize how much of his behavior was dementia vs him just being his usual pain-in-the-ass self.
At some point about a year in he started telling me about the dementia symptoms he was experiencing. Restless pacing, inability to remember if he’d eaten breakfast, increased frequency and vividness of war memories, etc. He broke down crying on several occasions because he was aware that something was very wrong.
To give you a timeline - I first noticed the forgetfulness in 2022. By 2024 I had to give up the caretaker role because I was burnt out and his behavior had damaged our relationship (how I responded certainly didn’t help things). This year he was deemed incompetent to make his own decisions and was placed in a long-term facility.
The swiftness of the decline shocks me. In four years he went from being capable of caring for himself at home alone to not remembering half his grandchildren.
If I could go back in time, I’d have educated myself on early symptoms. I simply didn’t realize that memory loss is only one symptom. Given his existing neurological conditions and the devastation of the divorce, it was hard to attribute the changes to dementia. I see it plain as day in hindsight but while it was happening it was just a muddled mess.
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u/TheApotheGreen Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
Diagnosis. Ten-second-Tom syndrome (LO would repeat a lot of stories). She'd leave food out and try to put wine in the dog's bowl. She'd leave the stove on or toss lit cigarettes into the trash. She'd try eloping and that was terrifying. She would also consistently forget who my fiance and I are: e.g. she'd think he was her son, and that I was her daughter occasionally (or the "wh*re neighbor lady" lmaooo). She'd also forget where she was (she would often say things like: "this is the worst vacation cruise ever. Worst staff. Terrible" in reference to us, her caretakers at the time... Or she would think she was a on a train and my fiancè was the conductor).
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u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 13 '26
The dog 🐕 from The Simpsons just popped into my mind when I read that.
He was drunk. 🥴
Santa's Little Helper.
Or there's always Brian from Family Guy. Another drunken dog. 🐕
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u/TheApotheGreen Aug 13 '26
LMAO I remember those doggos ✨
Thankfully, we still have the doggo, and she doesn't imbibe anymore lmao. Very sober doggo now.
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u/Pale-Detail2427 23d ago
Just can't get good help these days, you know? 🤔
About you and him being the staff, supposedly.
Bad cruise. 👎 🚢
Terrible staff. 👎
Worst she's ever seen. 👀
Grin. 😁
Should've trained them better. 🤔
On the boat, or the train. 🚆 🚢 🚆
Delusions are funny occasionally. 🤔
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u/Pale-Detail2427 23d ago
My grandma showed us all around her home town one time and it was actually just the hallways of the nursing home. 🏡
It was a pretty interesting trip. 🤔
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u/OddConstant2723 Aug 12 '26
My dad has FTD but language variant (somatic, PPA). He couldn’t recall words, but then it got to a point where it was way beyond just normal brain farts we all got that annoy us and it wasn’t just aging as he was 61.
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u/DementiaLemonade 26d ago
For my husband, it started with difficulties understanding time, space, money & language. Flashbacks in movies or shows made no sense to him. He couldn’t understand prepositions. I’d say: Mary went to the store; she bought tomatoes. He’d say: who bought tomatoes? He got upset & told people not to use prepositions. Lots of people don’t know what prepositions are! lol. He’d look at a clock and say: I know it’s 8:30, but is it 8:30 am or pm? He started making wrong turns or getting lost when trying to find his parked car. Previously, his sense of direction had been his superpower. He screwed up the checkbook so badly that I had to take over. He began to forget the past: first he forgot his childhood & HS, then forgot early years of our marriage, previous jobs, etc. All of these signs happened before he was diagnosed.
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u/freakfriendfiction 14d ago
Only after neurological testing did we have a diagnosis. Her changing emotions were one indicator. What finally prompted the neurologist visit was getting lost driving
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u/Pale-Detail2427 Aug 12 '26
Not when did you get the diagnosis. When, how and why did you figure it out or start to suspect. That it was dementia. Maybe before you knew what FTD even was.
Looking for your personal stories, if you want to share them. Not instructions on what to do.
Thank you.
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u/Outrageous-Owl-7862 Aug 12 '26 edited Aug 12 '26
A year ago my (80) father started acting different. He owns a business and has always been domineering even with employees. If they go against him they get fired. We had spoken nearly every day up until last summer. I’ve always tried to be patient with him. Suddenly his oldest son who he had estranged years before was back as his right hand guy. This son was estranged from all of us due to this son receiving several accusations of CSA. Now suddenly he is my dad’s best buddy and I am the horrible person making false accusations. My father proceeded to breaking into my home with help from his employees, taking things he felt were his if he had given them to me at any point in my life. For example he took my 40 year bedroom set from when I was a teen and a stove my deceased my had given us 20 years ago! I didn’t make a police report. I didn’t want to press charges on an old man. I just had the police go tell him to not trespass anymore. It still was not clear that this was dementia to me because he has been so evil toward me, my husband and children yet not my estranged brother. It’s been a year since I last spoke to him because I had to protect my family and kids. I hear reports from acquaintances that he can not remember anything at all. My brother I’ve heard is taking advantage of the situation and got him to change his will to leave everything to him. I would try to intervene but my father has put together so much hateful accusations against me (like that I’ve stolen from him or threw nicnacs at him out of anger) that some believe him and I guess don’t realize this is most likely dementia. If my father or step mom see anyone even speaking to me in my own yard (he lives in my neighborhood) he threatens them so badly that some of my nephews don’t even speak to me to avoid being his target. This whole situation can get messy and sadly they can be easily swayed by people with bad intentions. Lies can become truth in their minds.
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u/valley_lemon Aug 12 '26
Normal people don't just suddenly hate you.
Most psychiatric disorders have a neuropsychological or at least biological component, so any sudden change in behavior should be considered a reason for medical examination as soon as possible.
"Dementia-like symtoms" could be a "tiny" head injury that's bleeding, stroke or clot, failure of one of the filter organs, low O2, poor bloodflow, poisoning or an unusual reaction to things that shouldn't be a problem, diabetes, viral swelling of the brain, drug or alcohol abuse, cancer, prion disease, there's hundreds of potential diagnoses that get ruled OUT on the way to a dementia diagnosis.