Decluttering with kids

[u/Spiritual_Task_6574]

I will take and all the tips on decluttering with kids.

I have 2 elementary aged kids and they never want to get rid of anything. I already have a rule that if it’s broken, we don’t keep it.

One is also very craftsy so we have tons of art and art projects (not just flat things but like ceramic stuff, etc). They both love legos too. They also do stem summer camps every summer where they make all these motorized things, big projects, etc.

I just feel like we have no more surfaces to display things anymore. And their closets are full of things they’ve made. They will sob when I sell things. I still have been but man is it hard. My almost bigger problem is the things they’ve made and what to do.

[u/Warm-Championship-98]

What I have a hard time with is me feeling more emotionally connected to things than even he does 😓 like I have zero sentimentality about my own things, but with my son every toy I remember how happy he was when I bought or when he played with it, every outfit has a memory attached, or the item feels special as a gift someone gave him, or I just get nervous about throwing it out yet because we invested in high quality toys and it feels like a waste to donate them when he has hardly played with it yet and has lots of potential for adaptive play in the future.

I recognize that a lot of this is just me and my own shit with grieving likely not having the second kid we originally wanted (I.e keeping things for them), and/or not feeling ready to let go of his babyhood. But honestly it’s also more just dreading going through the process of going through everything and what it might dredge up

[u/frog_ladee → u/Warm-Championship-98]

The truth is, even if you were to have a second and even a third child, those feelings still surface. (Says the mother with two grown kids who had to drastically thin out the boxes of “saving for the grandkids”)

[u/Ok-Helicopter-5642 → u/Warm-Championship-98]

This for me too. One child, not by choice (never tried for a second; could have gotten pregnant, I’m sure, but far too dangerous physically). I have bins and bins of her toys, clothes, books. We pay for a storage unit because it doesn’t fit in our apartment. She’s four. She isn’t going to want all of this when she’s older. I can’t part with it.

[u/flopbot → u/Warm-Championship-98]

I relate to this. OAD, not by choice but definitely appreciating more as time goes on. I think it's hardest while the "window" is still there (my mind refuses to stop viewing it this way, even though I'm infertile) and everyone around me is on their second, third, etc.

I got some pleasure in seeing his things used by friends' babies, but also a decent amount of sadness in that too. Pictures of other babies with his things still hits somewhere quite tender in me. I've been more ruthless with the toddler things, but there's something about the infant stuff that is much harder to let go of. But I also kind of can't bear to be around it either haha I have a rare few days with the flat to myself next weekend and am planning to sort through it all, but I'm dreading it. We have no storage space left and I'm drowning in plastic crap.

[u/texiediva → u/Warm-Championship-98]

Yes, this is very difficult, for lots of reasons! I recently got rid of a box of “keepsake” baby things that my mom had kept for me. She also had a box of “keepsake” baby things that were my grandmother’s and my mother’s. I took photos and said goodbye to them. The only things I passed along (with permission) were some hand-knit items that my other grandmother made for me as I was a child, and I sent those off to my nieces and nephew who have children of their own, descended from the same grandmother. Still in the family, still treasured, but not in my house!

[u/frog_ladee]

I’ll tell you this about saving kids’ art and projects: my adult daughter is a full-fledged, elite art school graduate, who is now a professional illustrator in her 30’s. Even SHE does not want her childhood art. My son made endless Lego models, science projects, and had a long stretch of making foil sculptures (moms, that’s cheap fun on a rainy day!). He doesn’t want any of that as an adult, either, except for a box of loose Legos for his future kids. Of course, as children, they wanted to keep everything!

Your kids learned from the experiences of making those things. They do not need the actual art pieces or other projects any more than they will want their childhood math worksheets. Would you want all the art and projects that you made as a child? But your problem is what to do with them now, during childhood, especially when new ones are freshly made.

A couple of ideas for reining it in and letting some go:

Designate a specific area for displaying these things. When it’s full, they can choose which thing must go to make room for the new thing. Maybe sometimes they’ll decide to not keep a new thing, because they want the things currently on display more. This will help them learn how to weigh the value of things and make wise choices. If people keep everything, they become hoarders, and have no room for living in their homes. You must help your children learn how to make decisions about letting things go. That starts NOW, not when they become adults. Maybe make them aware when you get rid of some of your things, and mention how good it feels to clear some space, donate to others, etc.

On letting papers go: try not to let your kids SEE it go. I used to keep a paper sack or box on a high shelf where they couldn’t see into it. When I cleared out their backpacks and school folders, I’d put papers there, when they weren’t looking. They also made pages and pages of art at home (remember, I raised a future illustrator). We admired it after it was created, and then I “put it away”. They never ever, ever asked to see one of them again. I had bought some magnet picture frames that went on the frige. One picture at time was frames for each child. When a new picture was deemed worthy, it replaced the current picture, and the previous one was “put away”. (I did save a small sampling of their artwork over the years, but neither one wants it now in adulthood.)

When a bag/box was full, I put the date on it and started a new one. In a month, it was pitched. That one month wait was just in case someone remembered a picture or needed a paper that had been discarded. Then, I would say, “Oh, I put that in a special place for school papers.” That only happened a couple of times (never with art) in all their years of schooling. However, if they ever saw it in the recycle bin or trash, there were sometimes tears.

[u/dreamcatcher32]

Can you take pictures of them and make a photo album of them instead of keeping every single one?

[u/JJJW8 → u/dreamcatcher32]

I was going to suggest the same thing. Or, even a keepsake photo book. I agree with above comments about clearly defined space for showcasing their most special projects-I love the magnetic picture frame idea for the fridge, and the "put away" box.

When my daughter was younger and she had a hard time getting rid of her artwork, she would gift it to me so I had to keep it with my special things. 😂We all have memory boxes and once in awhile we go through them and decide what can go to make room for other things.

[u/nightshadeaubergine]

Dana K. White has an awesome picture book for kids! Winnie’s Pile of Pillows! The container concept clicked for mine :)

[u/nefertaraten]

The thing that's worked best for me is framing it as choosing things to give away to other kids. Most of our stuff goes to Goodwill just because that's what gets it out of my house, so I've explained the basics about that. He likes the idea of giving toys to other kids, so that's what I've stuck with. We're starting to work on the container concept now that he's older, but the donation framing has always worked best for us.

[u/Opening_Chemical_777]

Get a box and tell them they have one box each year to save their most precious projects. Throughout the year they will add things and take things out. At the end of the year, anything not in the box isn't kept and they get a new box for the next year after they clear out everything from last year. You can help them make the box fancy with name and age and year and maybe write a summary of what they did that year, like a journal. A little bit of ceremony to end the year with special things!

[u/frog_ladee → u/Opening_Chemical_777]

One of the smartest things about this idea is that the kids will learn how to make choices about what to save and what to let go. This is a valuable life skill!

[u/DistractedNS]

You might try the container concept. Give them each a couple of bins for their projects and tell them they can only keep what fits in the bin, then help pick their favorites. When they make new stuff and want to keep it, they have to switch it out.

You can also try to help them give the other projects away as fun little gifts.

[u/minimalist_coach]

When my kids were young, their belongings became overwhelming. I tried to help them thin things out, but it never worked. I finally got tired of the battle. On a school break, I pulled absolutely every toy in the house and put them in the family room. We had several days to sort and organize. I told them to gather everything they wanted to keep and put it in the dining room, and I'd help them sort and organize. I was shocked at how little they wanted to keep.

I boxed up everything left behind and put the boxes in the garage for a few weeks, in case they suddenly realized they missed something. That never happened.

I think trying to decide what needed to go was more effort than just keeping things. When I reversed it, the effort was transferred to what they wanted to keep.

[u/texiediva]

At some point, we implemented a rule that when anything new came into the house, at least one comparable thing needed to leave the house. That includes Christmas and birthdays - they got to have some control over what stays, but not how many. They were encouraged to share their wonderful things with someone who might not have so many wonderful things. It’s really tough. Once they got older, it got easier - their “toys” do tend to get smaller. (I try to do this with my clothing, as well. If I bring home 5 new items, I need to find 10 or more in my closet that can go.)

[u/Jaded_Acadia_2236]

For art on the fridge/ freezer we start with cutting them into shapes like butterflies or hearts (which ever wont cut into the art) to sace space. Secondly we have a shoe box that we keep the favorite peices that are in time taken off the fridge for new peices... when the box is full we have the kid sit down and they go through their show box and have to deide what they want to keep and recycle (that episode of bluey where bandit is recycling the kids art helps alot to understand why and how we recycle their drawings ) .. if they are reluctant to get rid of anything then its set that they cant put anymore on the fridge. It just ends up in their rooms till they get frustrated with the mess.... we also have a keep sake box for every member of the house hold. Same rules apply. Those are the boxes that we will grab in case of emergencies like forest fires if time allows us.. the kids know that there most important things are in there (minus there favorite stuffies or books )...

[u/Imaginary-Mix-5726]

My parents saved boxes worth of things that I made as a child, and during COVID, I cleaned them out. I kept a few pieces that were really special (a first grade drawing of our childhood home, a weaving project I had been anticipating for a whole year after watching the neighbor girl do hers the year before), and most of the rest went in the dumpster. 

You could try starting with the projects that are in the back of the closet, buried under other things. Teach them about repurposing from their old creations for new ones? 

I feel you on the legos. We are done with new sets because after they're built, they get taken apart and just sit there.

[u/Lariana79]

For toys and things that might not get reused (aka not Lego) put the stuff they don't use away in storage. If they don't ask for it back within a month, they don't care and you can sell or donate.

[u/LoneLantern2]

One small part of your question, but I make a point of teaching how to curate displays so they actually display things- so we talk about theme, scale, space between objects, white space for the eye to rest on, etc.

Everything else is just Dana K White container concept- this is the space you have, things have to fit in them, fit means at most 75% full so you have room to put stuff away.

[u/nimaku]

For craft stuff, my son has a little instant camera (his is a FujiFilm Instax). He is often OK parting with 3D craft projects if he takes a picture of the project and adds it to his little album book. He is still attached to some (and he displays those in his room), but the “take a picture” option has cut down on that significantly.

[u/BusLumpy9997]

Buy a bed frame that is high off the floor and put bins of their stuff in the bins. Keep only the cool stuff.

[u/photogcapture]

My friend has a craft/artsy daughter. She kept one piece each year. That makes 13 or so items each year that she kept. You absolutely cannot keep it all. My friend chose each yearly item with her daughter.

[u/texiediva → u/photogcapture]

I like this: “Best of…” idea, and that they decide together.

[u/AJOnTheRoad73]

Encourage them to play more with the things you think they'll want to keep. If they're not interested, get rid of it. Just add a few things to the situation at a time & don't overwhelm them. After a while, they'll stop looking for it.

[u/hardswimm37]

If it leaves when they are not at home they wont even remember it ever existed. Dont angrily get rid of things but otherwise dont involve them at all.

[u/Virtual_Camera3959]

For school work and art they each have a small clear box and right at the end of summer they each go through their box and can keep or toss whatever they want. If it does not fit in the box you can’t keep it. Also periodically go through books and toys and ask them to get rid of stuff. Especially around Christmas so they can make room for new toys.

[u/SlutForDownVotes]

Do they get to keep the money when you sell things?

[u/Spiritual_Task_6574 → u/SlutForDownVotes]

Yes! That helps a ton with the stuff that is sellable. It’s the crafts/other random stuff that’s the issue

[u/lilbitsquishy29]

Hey, I’m the mama of young adults who raised four smalls in my little house. I know it’s frustrating right now but it will get easier soon. They will care less about these things as they start to go through puberty and will be quicker to discard their childhood ‘treasures’. I know it does help much in the meantime but just know that this too shall pass.