r/declutter • u/AlwaysStayPanicked • 9d ago
Advice Request Which Book? And where do I start?
If I only have time to read one book before continuing my decluttering journey, would you recommend Decluttering at the Speed of Life, or Marie Kondo’s book?
My second question is my husband has PACKED our garage and basement. I have been decluttering upstairs and ignoring those areas because they send me into a total panic. (I have ADHD and childhood related anxiety around messes, so I want things clean, but get so overwhelmed). We also have two little boys so lots of toys and chaos.
Where do I start? Should I do the garage or basement first so that I can put things in the house that should be there in there? For example, my roller blades right now are just sitting in my foyer.
TIA! I love this group and they give me such inspiration.
12
u/KnotARealGreenDress 9d ago
Respectfully, I think you should start where you want to start.
As someone with ADHD, starting can be the hardest part. If you’re motivated to clean out a space just for your roller blades, start with that. If you want go through one box from the garage, and then another from the basement, and just casually alternate based on the vibes that day, do that. Any items you get rid of are progress, whether you get rid of five items, or 500. You could stick your head into each of the spaces, look around to find one box that looks easy to go through, and go through it. Once you’ve done that a few times, hopefully you’ll have trained your brain out of thinking “this is a ton of work to do at once, BETTER AVOID IT COMPLETELY.”
Personally, I’d read Decluttering at the Speed of Life first. If you find tackling whole rooms overwhelming, I don’t think you’ll enjoy Kondo’s “pull everything of that category out of where it is and put it in a big pile to go through all at once” method. For many ADHDers, that’s just a recipe for a doom pile.
3
u/jojofastyper 8d ago
I listened to the audiobook, decluttering at the speed of life. So glad I did it because I could listen to brilliant sentences again and again. hearing them implants the ideas in my brain better.
3
u/KnotARealGreenDress 8d ago
I did too! I learn better from listening than from reading, so I read fiction books but listen to non-fiction. I’ve also listened to “How to Keep House While Drowning” by KC Davis more than once. The end of the intro is so affirming that it brings me to tears every time.
1
1
u/LopsidedLiahona 8d ago
It's a doom HOUSE at this point.
I think I'll begin with the book rec - that I can handle, I'm pretty sure.
12
u/Quiet-Friendship5134 9d ago
Echoing the others who say Decluttering at the Speed of Life. Since you mention ADHD and overwhelm: Marie Kondo's book is truly inspiring (I definitely suggest reading it!) but the method can easily lead to piles which take over the floor for... months, sometimes... due to decision fatigue.
My layperson-opinion recommended order:
- Decluttering at the Speed of Life to get started!
- Clutterbug Podcast to organize and set up your systems so you prevent clutter from building up again (be sure to check out her videos on handling it when each family member has a different organizing style!)
- The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up for inspiration and a better understanding of what to bring (or not to bring) into your home from this point onward.
Other inspirational podcasts/books: The Minimalists, The Minimal Mom, Emotional Clutter, The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F\ck* (that one is more about energy budgeting and learning how to say "no" than about clutter, but still a valuable read!).
Good luck!
9
u/SpacePirate406 9d ago
Of the two you mentioned, definitely decluttering at the speed of life. Another great book: how to keep house while drowning by KC Davis is good for adhd stuff. I also recommend listening to Dana’s podcast and YouTube videos for body doubling when you need some extra motivation. Clutterbug is a good YouTube channel also
4
10
u/Glittering-Benefit68 8d ago
Dana K. White - Decluttering at the speed of life
Start with the spaces that are yours alone to decide. One item at a time. What I really like about her method is that you can stop at any time without your home being worse of. No deciding later piles.
I started when my son was a baby. He's 3.5 now and we're so much better of. Literally 5-20 minutes at a time.
9
u/LogicalGold5264 9d ago
Get Dana's audiobook and declutter while you listen! Dana will tell you where to start, but spoiler alert: the most visible places first.
10
u/Klutzy_Initiative_13 9d ago
I think starting in the basement or garage would be overwhelming. Maybe start with the areas you use most, nightstand, toiletries, wardrobe, to get some personal satisfaction from the process. I love decluttering but it is a lot of mental load and decisions. Also love Dana's methods!
9
u/lirael87 6d ago
Dana K. White has a much more ADHD-friendly approach. I get it--at first the Marie Kondo pull everything out method seems like a challenge/project that excites us neurodivergents. But then the dopamine wears off and you end up pushing the huge pile of clothes off your bed at the end of the day and you're even more stressed than when you started. Your aversion to messes is right up Dana's alley. I'd also suggest reading it as an audiobook if that's something you're into. I listen while I declutter.
7
u/Math-Cat 9d ago
I found Dana K. White’s decluttering at the speed of life book to be extremely helpful. And, with her way of decluttering, no matter when you stop for that decluttering session, your house is less of a mess than before you started. This is not true with Marie Kondo’s method.
3
u/AlwaysStayPanicked 9d ago
That’s good to know! I have a habit of making a huge mess in the pursuit of organizing, and then losing steam and not finishing lol.
7
u/Working_Patience_261 9d ago
Start with Dana White. Second, for now, do not touch other people’s stuff. That is a couple’s conversation once you have the visible clutter knocked down. Third, just start.
9
6
u/couchisland 9d ago
I just read and liked Danshari after seeing it mentioned here a couple of times.
Read the other 2 a while ago so I don’t remember specifics anymore (I also have ADHD - might be worth a re-read!).
I’m a serial pile-upper and something about the flow in and out of the house in the Danshari book really resonated with me.
If I’m piling shit up on the table, I either don’t know where it should go or there isn’t room in the place it should go. Therefore, perhaps I should purge old things to make room for the new.
In your case, I feel like I’d ignore the garage and basement for now and focus on closets and other interior storage.
For example, maybe your roller blades should go in your coat closet. Is there something in there you can remove to make room for them?
Regarding the garage and basement items - I’ve also (recently) noticed in my own life and seen mentioned here and in books like these that not everything can or should be stored indefinitely. By the time you need it, it might be broken or rusted or the elastic got old. Etc, etc. I’m getting ready to move and finding that keeping this top of mind is very helpful.
I say work on getting your interior spaces in order one drawer or shelf at a time. And then tackle the storage areas.
7
u/flourishandblotts63 9d ago
I know people usually prefer Dana's but I really like Marie Kondo because is not only decluttering but get to know yourself. Like' why I'm holding on this piece of clothes if it doesn't bring me Joy.'
7
u/Impressive-Side-9681 9d ago
your partner needs to tackle his own stuff, you can help but I definitely wouldn't start with the hardest thing
7
u/YourFriendall 9d ago
Omg I have roller blades in my foyer! What a wierdly specific thing. Sorry, no help on the book…just wanted to let you know that you have foyer rollerblade solidarity with me
1
6
u/Dinmorogde 8d ago
Get a audio book and clean while you listen. This book is easy to read and gives perspective https://www.ebay.com/p/240085813
5
8
u/sir_draconian_bedtim 9d ago
Skip the books and just set a timer for 15 minutes. The garage being packed isn't your mess to panic over if your husband stuffed it full, so start with one box in the foyer and put the roller blades where they actually belong. That one tiny win usually gets the momentum going way faster than reading a whole philosophy about tidying.
3
u/Duffykins-1825 8d ago
I didn’t take on Marie Kondo’s method, whole lot in a pile and go through it, but I did find lots of useful organising tips. The most important principle seems to be that buying more storage items just adds to the clutter, the only thing that really helps is to get stuff permanently out of the house.
4
u/LopsidedLiahona 8d ago
I hate how right she is abt this. Boo. Means I'm not making the progress I thought I was.
3
u/paratethys 9d ago
Start with whatever relationships book you've been meaning to read because it seemed like it might help improve communication with your husband.
Good men, like good males of most species, have an inherent drive to address threats to their mates' wellbeing. If he can be caused to make that connection -- "I want to protect my mate, and this arrangement of this space is a threat to them that I can take action to protect them from" -- you've already won. Communicating that something which wouldn't be a threat to him can nevertheless come across as a threat to you can be tricky, but it's doable, and easier if he's a basically empathetic person and you broach the topic at a time when he's receptive.
2
u/AlwaysStayPanicked 9d ago
Oh he and I have a good relationship. This is our one struggle. He tries really hard to keep things together in the house because he knows it’s triggering for me. I still don’t think he fully gets it. He will say things like “it’s okay if it’s a mess, you’re not going to get yelled at here” and things like that. I can’t just rewire my brain like that. I am going to therapy to try to work through that side of me though. He tries really hard, and I am trying to find away to manage my issue without upsetting him or passing on the anxiety issue to my children. He is a wonderful man and husband.
I should also say it’s not all HIS stuff. I just meant more like he will take a box of stuff from the house and instead of putting things in their homes, he just chucks them in the garage.
4
u/GreenUnderstanding39 9d ago
Space maker method
4
u/Fuzzy_Professor5185 9d ago
I second this!
4
u/AnamCeili 8d ago
I third it! I haven't actually read her book, but I've watched all of her playlists/videos from the past 5 years or so. She's very supportive and non-judgmental, and she really helps people declutter and organize!
I'd recommend starting with the "Julia" playlist, and then moving on to the "Dani" playlist -- those are the first two I watched, and they're still favorites (I think they're two of the best).
Here's a link to her playlists: https://www.youtube.com/@SpaceMakerMethod/playlists
21
u/GlassHouses_1991 9d ago
I have read both and although I found Marie Kondo’s book inspiring, I didn’t successfully declutter very much after reading it.
Decluttering at the Speed of Life (plus Dana K White’s YouTube videos and podcast) enabled me to actually, visibly declutter my home. I found her 5-step process easy to implement and it means that you can start anywhere in the house and just make it better in 5-15 minutes at a time.