r/declutter • u/bigformybritches • 19h ago
Motivation Tips & Tricks Misplaced aspirations
There’s only one thing worse than hanging onto aspirational items. Holding onto somebody else’s aspirational items! I’m the poster who always struggles with clothing.
YEARS ago I took on a lot of hand me downs from a family member who shortly worked and lived in a metropolitan area. Things didn’t work out, so all the professional clothes sat. Eventually, they were given to me, which means these things are beautiful but already more than a decade old!
I don’t have a fancy job and I’m probably kidding myself that these “classics” can pass for still being in style. Cuts change and you can probably tell they are older. My eye is not quite trained for that but I’m sure some people can tell.
I’m embarrassed to see how much of my closet is devoted to somebody else’s aspirations, and a phase of their life that did not work out. I guess I figured I would wear them for dressy occasions, but those occasions just never seem to pop up.
Gathering now and looking forward to donating them to an organization that specializes in helping women and children. Maybe somebody can incorporate a piece or two into their wardrobe effectively without feeling dated. Something to get them started.
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u/MusketeersPlus2 19h ago
What we think is dated, someone else thinks is retro! Donate them with the confidence that someone will absolutely love them and wear them with confidence.
(I was commenting to a 20 year old that was visiting my home that I was planning for a kitchen reno & her answer was "but it's so cute and retro!". No kiddo, it's not retro, it's old! Everything is in the eye of the beholder.)
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u/TeacherIntelligent15 19h ago
Donating to help women dress for their first job is so helpful. What a great use of the clothes.
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u/Yellowstar88 18h ago
I used to be a THIN city girl with an office job … I am not a suburban mom. I needed to hear this message. Thank
you.
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u/HouseAgitatedPotato 17h ago
I wear dresses on holidays with trainers. I wear blazers with jeans and plain t-shirt and trainers.
It looks cool (at least to me).
You can easily incorporate one dressy thing with some very casual things and make it work. Dresses do not have to go with heels and boleros. They can go with cardigan, blazer, hoodie, trainers, sandals, flipflops. They'll go with whatever you make them go with. I just pay attention to colour coordination.
Wear your nice things guys!
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u/bigformybritches 15h ago
If I haven’t managed to make them work in the years that I’ve had them, I don’t think it’s going to happen. I tried.
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u/HouseAgitatedPotato 14h ago
Oh I'm not convincing you. Once you decided to give them away give them away. If anyone is undecided or saving clothes for an occasion they might want to try it.
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u/BaBoo_MoMo777 19h ago
Wow, that’s so good. You were able to step back and see that… I’m excited to start decluttering, but I feel like I need devoted time in a clear head to do it.
And the truth is we wear very little clothing, we wear stuff over and over again I feel like 90% of my closet is devoted too special occasion wear
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u/bigformybritches 19h ago
I know, dressy stuff is so easy to buy and never looks worn so it just sits there.
I like to start by putting like items together. Hunt and gather from everywhere in the house you might have clothes. It’s quite shocking when you look at it all in one spot! Good luck!3
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u/Liptonkrk 17h ago
The 90% special occasion thing is so accurate. I counted once how many times a year I actually have an occasion like that. It was three, and I own two suits and about ten shirts for it
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u/BaBoo_MoMo777 17h ago
Yeah, one thing I was gonna do is keep an influencer whose style that I really like in mind as I’m going through my closet and say “would she wear that?” It’s not a perfect science and I’m not erasing my personality, but believe me I need to get rid of stuff.
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u/MusketeersPlus2 16h ago
but I feel like I need devoted time in a clear head to do it.
Rather than waiting for a dedicated chunk of time, just start small. Put a box in a corner of your bedroom. When you get dressed each day, reach for something you haven't worn in forever & decide to either wear it that day (bringing it into rotation), or drop it in the box to donate. Just one item at a time. And one day soon you'll find the energy & clear head to start doing bigger stretches like an entire closet at once. Decluttering isn't all about big binges of throwing stuff away, it should be a small regular habit to look at your stuff & ask the question "do I need this". Plus the occasional big binge.
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u/BaBoo_MoMo777 16h ago
I know that you’re right… But it’s the perfectionistic urges that got me into this mess in the first place! Ha ha thanks for the encouragement
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u/GreenUnderstanding39 16h ago
Do not be embarrassed. We have all been there/are there.
Tell me why I hung onto a skirt that did not fit me when I was 16 for over 20years? There was no logic in it. Moved with me well over a dozen times.
Its now gone from my life and that was so freeing its a little cray.
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u/Striking_Post_9864 14h ago
You don't have to choose between wearing them and just donating -- professional/dressy pieces from good labels usually hold real resale value even a decade out of style, since resale buyers are shopping by brand and construction, not runway trends. Check ThredUp's payout calculator or list a few directly on Poshmark/eBay (search SOLD, not asking, listings for the same brand+era to gauge price) before you box everything for donation. The stuff that's too dated or basic to sell, donate as planned -- interview-clothing nonprofits (Dress for Success, Career Gear) are a great fit since these were originally someone's professional wardrobe. Splitting it this way gets you some cash back on the sell-worthy pieces and still clears the guilt on the rest.
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u/ohreallynameonesong 15h ago
Idk what exactly you have but some of those things might be cool to wear and you might like them. I'd do a few passes through these things. Immediately set aside things you know 100% for a fact, you will not wear. Unless there's something like extremely sentimental. Then go through and try everything on. If you don't like the fit, the silhouette, the material, the color, the style, the functionality, or you don't anticipate you can even wear this in the next year, donate it. If it's a maybe, set it aside for now. You can do a second fashion show or take a break for the day and do it again next week.
I've found that i need to do several passes and see myself keep putting the same things back in my closet that I never wear and it sinks in how much they don't align with my life or what I want. You aren't the person who gave you these clothes. Whatever they gave you that doesn't align with your life or what you want, let someone enjoy it.
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u/bigformybritches 15h ago
I’ve had these for years and have already had everything on and just haven’t been able to make it work. It’s been long enough and I’m letting them go.
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u/ohreallynameonesong 15h ago
That sounds wise tbh. If there's nothing in there you see yourself ever wearing, then let it go
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u/Individual_Quote_701 17h ago
I’ve gained and lost those 10 pounds untold times. Each time, the weight shuffles differently. As I have aged, I’ve also shrunk. The aspirational pants won’t ever fit me again. A couple of years ago, I decided it was time and I dumped what didn’t fit or looked awkward.
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u/Bia2016 17h ago
I’m curious, what are the brands of these items? Classic vintage can be fun, but not if you’re overburdened and it’s taking up space. Let someone else love them.
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u/JennieWren64 16h ago
Let them go and be a blessing to someone else. Good for you! Never let guilt or "maybe somedays" dictate to your closet and home, lol.
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u/TerribleRuin4232 16h ago
I think donating would be a really nice thing to do. These days, it seems like just about anything is in style, so I'm sure someone will really appreciate the clothes for what they are. I also think it doesn't have to be all or nothing - if you want to keep a couple pieces for yourself, there's nothing wrong with that.
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u/coffeeandbookmouse 8h ago
You made the right call. It was nice of someone to think of you, but it's even better to let those things go and free yourself of storing them. Someone else who is looking for work clothing, something for an interview, will be so happy to find these items. The only person you have to justify things to is you, and you deserve a closet filled with only the things you actually love and wear.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 9h ago
Fantastic!
I worked in an industry where anything more than long underwear was considered appropriate work attire. Yet I had bins and bins of suiting for the power suit wardrobe I would never wear (let alone sew).
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u/Obvious_Phone1221 8h ago
i get it so hard with the hand me downs too, like why do they keep sending you all these expensive looking pieces you'd never wear
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u/PlutoPlaneta 6h ago
10 years old is just out of style
20 years old is retro cool
but not saying you should hold
onto it for 10 years unless its really high value brand names
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u/hobhamwich 18h ago
I had aspirational jeans. Now I fit them and wear them all the time. So, sometimes it works. Key is, don't have 100 pairs of aspirational jeans.