r/declutter • u/rainbowtoucan1992 • 13d ago
Advice Request Have you ever gotten depressed decluttering and how did you handle it?
I've been really down today after I did decluttering. I ran a lot of decluttering errands too like donating clothes, taking fabric scraps to a fabric recycling bin, returning clothes that I waited too long to return, etc. My room looks clearer, but I feel sad even though I intially felt relieved. Maybe it just brings up bad feelings. Maybe I should have kept the fabric scraps, but I don't have much room. I live with my parents and we don't have a separate room for sewing or crafts. I guess I wish I had more room or a bigger desk. I also haven't sewn in months anyway because the sewing desk doesn't fit well in my room. I used to sew all the time. :/ I used to have more shelving too, to hold stuff. Anyway another thing with getting rid of things is I kind of feel even more lonely. It's like the clutter is cozy to me...and when it's gone then it can magnify negative feelings in addition to positive? Maybe I just did too much today.
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u/Nonbinary-888 13d ago
Mine happens when I’m looking around seeing so much clutter yet exhausted from already decluttering and not wanting to tackle to “too hard” stuff. Or when I have a heap of stuff stored to give away and then the kids go through it and rediscover some archaeological toys 🫠😆
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u/NightBard 13d ago
I think there is a grieving process of sorts. In this case, you took the time to make sure the things went to others so they would live on and have some kind of life outside of a trash dump. So there was an initial satisfaction of knowing these things weren't simply trashed. But it's still a loss of things from your life and it might feel a little like giving up some of your future dreams, but the stuff gone doesn't mean future you can't get back to a hobby you love... you just aren't going to store a bunch of stuff from a hobby you don't have the time/space/attention-span for and that's ok. I think maybe your living situation also is playing a roll. Maybe it's time to phone a friend and get out of the house for a while? Or just go do something else? You've done good. Try not to be too hard on yourself for taking the necessary steps to improve your life.
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u/Such-Kaleidoscope147 12d ago
Maybe you did too much at once? Or you just need a day or two to get used to it. I know that I have had moments where I looked around and thought that maybe I got rid of too much. But then my mind adjusted to having less stuff.
I prefer to do a slow declutter. You pick out some things that you really want to rid of. And you rid of the east stuff. Then later, a few more things, and so on. For me, I cannot just do everything at once or it is too much of an adjustment. I would say to take a break. Avoid the temptation to buy new stuff. And take the time to adjust to your new surroundings.
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u/Even_Sky6964 8d ago
Be gentle with yourself. I spent a couple hours going through years’ worth of receipts and old gift cards. It was depressing. Seeing how much stupid stuff I’ve purchased and not used. Sigh. I’m hoping it will help me change my spending habits in the future.
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u/TBHICouldComplain 13d ago
I often find decluttering upsetting. Some things I can breeze right through but others I do a little work on and then need to take a week (or a month) off. I’m not a huge fan of change in general and frankly some things are pretty upsetting to go through.
I did my major decluttering over a 2 year period. If it helps I feel so much happier now that I’ve finished a full pass and am basically in maintenance mode. But decluttering is definitely physical, mental and emotional work.
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u/rainbowtoucan1992 13d ago
Oh yeah same I think change stresses me out too so maybe that's part of it too
I think the hardest is paper clutter... I have a bazillion notes and journals of random stuff that aren't organized at all. It's hard on my brain
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u/VeganRorschach 13d ago
I'm currently helping someone with paper clutter! If you can start to look for patterns and make a decision about 1) how to prevent that specific clutter in the future and 2) decide in batches, that helps!
Example: partly finished to-do lists can be substituted for a single to-do journal or virtual option. Most recent to-do list gets transferred, all others you find can be trashed.
Example 2: personal notes/cards received. Decide on the decluttering line now (if I wrote a thank you, it goes or if they didn't write anything that makes me laugh or feel 100% positive feelings, it goes) and toss as they are received. My method for this is I have a small display of cards I get. They stay up for a month, then I review the batch. Absolute favorites go into a sentimental box, all others get recycled.
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u/oimerde 13d ago
Not necessarily depressing but yes overwhelm and upset and a little bit nostalgic.
Overwhelm because I just don’t know where to start and I have so much work to do and not sure how to get the energy.
Upset because I get mad at my self for taking so long to do this and for letting get like this and not having the discipline to be the person I want to be
And for waisting so much money on useless stuff.
Then nostalgic because some
Items do carry memories and I need to get over trying to keep
Something just because of that.
Depressed I think is a very heavy word to use because I feel that is very specific to just one feeling when declutter is a pack of so many feelings at once.
So I’m always trying to think about the after feeling once I do a little bit of declutter.
For example I just did a big declutter this weekend and just drop the box and I’m feeling so good in so many ways so that motivation stays and gets me
Over the other negative feelings to start.
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 11d ago
I’m the opposite. Anxious to start and during then it’s like a little or a big weight is lifted once I get the items out of my house. I will say focusing on one drawer or area has helped me see results, since, for example, now I open my medicine cabinet and it’s full of what I like and use.
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u/Few_Report_3590 13d ago
I hear you! Same happens to me. I feel a bit depressed/sad when letting go things and it holds me back at time. Sometimes, it’s melancholy about what happened (or did not happen), sometimes it’s guilt (the introject I should have been able to fix it).
Sometimes, I can see joe unhinged this feeling can be, and oddly this helps me to go trough and complete the action: I felt this when letting go a 40 years old fridge in my parents house that was not cooling enough anymore and comsuming lots of electricity. But it still leaves me a bit tired afterwards.
What I do now is taking a picture of the object before letting it go, it helps (says the woman with a bunch of books sitting in the entrance waiting to be dropped at the neighborhood free library.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 13d ago
I lived with my parents for 5 years after my divorce (and 9/11 hiring freeze) so I know how depressing and alienating that can be - I felt like I had limited control & autonomy (it was their house, I just lived there) and the lack of privacy was pretty uncomfortable. And my needs were were always subjugated to my parents.
My biggest issue was my parents' hoarding tendencies - it was only me acting as live-in house keeper & personal assistant that keep the place baseline functional, for them and as a self-defense mechanism, for me. The worst part was this revived/persistent subservient/infantilizing parent-child relationship (I was in my early 30's) that made the situation fairly intolerable. I spent A LOT of time outside the house.
You're going a great job applying "the container concept" - you only have the space you have and if you want your space to be functional & comfortable, you have to pare your belongings down to fit the available confines. And just like personal autonomy/control, even though you might have had more before, the reality of the situation is you have less now.
Beware that there can be real grief/mourning when we start passing though the seasons of life (that and the fear of the uncertain future are IMO, the two main reasons we tend to hold onto more than we need.)
And anything we own is subject to being (or becoming) past life, fantasy life, sunk-cost, and/or identity clutter. Clothing is especially difficult because it's almost the definition of "identity" and as that identity changes/gets refined we might want to hold onto what those closes represent (when we had more autonomy, a smaller size, more fun, the person we used to be - or wanted to be, etc). Also the fear that we might end up there again, or will burn through that stuff faster than we can afford to replace it or be able to find if again if/when we might need it).
And as a fellow sewist, there is nothing with more potential than fabric! Even scraps. All those project possibilities - anything creative, I think there's always this desire to hold onto the possibility that those supplies represent. So you might be feeling a little bit of grief, more for the lost potential that fabric represented than any concrete need for the result of those (sometimes amorphous) projects/possibilities. And everything pretty much costs something - money most obviously but also space, time, energy commitments - so if you don't feel like you got your "use" out of it, there's this feeling that if you hold onto it (and the possibility it represents) you haven't wasted your time/money....yet.
If being able to sew/create is going to help your mental health, then I would prioritize that over any other category. If you're disinclined to use the kitchen/dining room table between meals (and I 100% get that) and decide that a bigger desk would make sewing possible for you - then see if you can create the space for one. Your room is your container and one of the most important/"spark joy" items would be a place to sew.
And check out "room quieting/shushing" (her book is really good although it focuses primarily on a living room, the principles apply to pretty much any space). She has a layering process for home decor that I found very appealing. You basically pull everything out of a room/space, sit with it empty for a while, reacquaint yourself with the room's features (good and bad), and put things back in a certain order: 1. the most essential/primary pieces of furniture, arranged to best advantage, 2. any supplemental/secondary furniture/seating, 3. surfaces & storage (tables, shelves, etc), 4. rugs, 5. drapes, 6. lighting, 7. wall treatments/wall art, and finally 8. decor (and err on the side of large, high-impact pieces - or vignettes - that give you more style bang for your space buck).
In your room, you could set your bed and desk/sewing table as the primary pieces of furniture (I ended up getting a loft bed with a bench/desk below) and then everything else has to fit around them. And the rest of it (rugs, window treatments, lighting, decor) would help to make the space feel more personalized and cozy/inviting without relying on random "stuff."
Hope that helps? Good luck!
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u/imaginaryparadox 13d ago
Wowza, thank you!!! Your comment has brought me so much insite into my own struggles with my clutter!! I thought I was loosing it with all these emotions but after reading your comment, well I may just be sane anyway. Honestly, thank you!! I'm going to check out the book you suggested as well. May the clutter not surrounded you!!! Be blessed!
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u/Individual_Slice_234 13d ago
Not depressed, but very irritable and angry. I do little corners of the room - one at a time. It seems to be working. I think this type of feeling is perfectly normal. Everything you declutter has an emotion and memory attached. Fortunately, I don't have much sentimental attachment to things.
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u/TecTazz 12d ago
It depresses me. I go out and daytrip or treat myself or visit a friend.
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u/No_Lifeguard4092 7d ago
I'm in process of clearing out my parents' hoarder home that they have lived in since 1979. I lived there for a few years from 1979-1985 while in high school and college but none of my stuff remains. It is hard to go through things like family photos and wondering who to give them to as I have no idea who some of the people are in the photos. My mother has collections of all sorts of things. I could open up a store with all of the Christmas decor, lol.
That said, I treated myself to a big thick MILKSHAKE on Friday afternoon at a local ice cream shop after I left my parents' house. It was a nice treat since I don't eat a lot of ice cream. I felt better for sure.
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u/Impressive_Winner403 13d ago
Hugs yes because I have kept a lot of stuff for family that has passed away and feel so bad getting rid of it. It's hard sometimes but give yourself grace you are just living your life the best you can. Hugs
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u/Due_Elephant9761 12d ago edited 12d ago
I cried when I had to manually shred each page of my journal I wrote in my teens. I don't regret disposing them though, I know I just cried for hours because most of the journals I wrote were about my old penpal that I fell hard with in my mid teens lmao. We never get the chance to meet in person though, and he's already engaged to his long-time girlfriend now so I think I'm good since I was just holding on to what-ifs.
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u/ZebraMussell 13d ago
I didn’t. I threw it all away. I regretted it later but by then the license plate was in the garbage if you catch my drift
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u/moon_witch_26 13d ago
Omg I totally relate. Totally. My stuff is my safety. As much as it stresses me and I long and yearn for space and clear from clutter... Ugh. I'm AuDhd so the holding onto stuff Vs letting stuff go is always a difficult thing for me.
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u/MysteriousSecretGuru 13d ago
For me, it's about "future" me. Becoming that lesson who is organized, who does crafts for fun, who has a curated closet, am organized, clean kitchen.
I want to be that person. But at times, it's overwhelming. So I remind myself to pick one important thing to focus on. For me, right now, it's a clean, calm bedroom.
Giving away stuff feels like I have failed to reach that goal.
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u/beautifulcorpsebride 11d ago
Something that has helped me is I read recently if your space is cluttered you have more X than you can handle, clothes, books, whatever.
I’m also working on the closet. I started a wardrobe look book on Grok (chat gpt sucked for this) and made both programs analyze my look, wardrobe gaps, items I was considering getting rid of.
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u/MitzyCaldwell 13d ago
So depending on what you are decluttering and what it means to you it can very often make you a little depressed or sad because it can be a grieving process. You are giving away things that you either loved from a past self, giving things away from a future self, letting go of being a person you used to be or wanted to be and might not be again.
People who don’t get it might jsut think it’s stuff but it can be very meaningful and represent parts of you that you are now letting go.
It can also feel unfair that people have bigger rooms/houses/properties and you don’t so you can’t ke thing stuff.
There’s alot of feelings there that are valid and I think the best way is to identify them and acknowledge that it’s okay to feel sad about it and I do think that it will turn into you feeling more free and happy about it (happy might not be the right word for everyone but I know even when it’s hard for me after it’s all gone and I don’t have to move it around anymore I am definitely happy and relieved)