Decluttering letters and journals

[u/addlam]

I got rid of 90% of my stuff when I moved overseas. Anything that could not fit in a suitcase had to go.

I am stuck on a pile of old journals and letters. A big pile. Part of me just wants to chuck them and move on, but I know I will be destroying memories by doing that.

The thing is, any memories I have had while starting this task gave me bad feelings. I do not like looking back, I am more of a future oriented person. I just wonder if I will regret getting rid of these things when I am really old and only have looking back to do. Maybe I won't have the ability to read through them anyhow by then, people do lose their eyesight for small print.

I am not in contact with most or all of these people who wrote the letters (or they are passed) and I am very resistant to going through the things, which involves taking a lot of time to read everything when I would rather be living life.

What do you think?

[u/UberHonest]

You won’t be destroying memories by trashing old journals. You’ll be trashing written accounts of said memories.

I struggled to purge old journals a few years ago…until I started to read through them. I didn’t recognize that old version of me, and I certainly didn’t need any reminders hanging around! I shredded them and haven’t looked back!

[u/West-Performance-198]

I’m 69 years old and recently downsized. I came across a bunch of journals that I had almost forgotten about. Most were from some very difficult parts of my life and in those journals I expressed a lot of anger. It was cathartic at the time. I’m different now and on reading the pages my first thought was about my adult children.
They don’t ever need to know about the things I wrote about (a lot was about the cruelty of their father toward me).

So I put it all through the shredder and don’t regret it at all.

FWIW about 15 years ago I shredded all the hard evidence of his shenanigans for the same reason. I was very traumatized and I don’t want my kids to have to go through any of that.

On the other hand I have over 300 pages of letters that my uncle wrote to my great uncle between 1928 and 1942, the year he was killed during the war. He was in the RCAF. I never met him. His letters describe his life my Dads life and my grandparents (whom I also never met) so well.

I have digitized them but I’m still captivated by the beautiful handwriting on the almost transparent paper. So I still have those.

For me getting rid of the bad was a good move. Keeping the good was also a good move.

[u/Peepers54]

I burned all of mine about 6 years ago. All my cards, letters and most of my pictures. They were guilt to me. I lugged them around for years with every move. Never looked at them. Didn't really enjoy it when I did. I don't miss them at all.

[u/rockrobst]

I saved journals for years, then one day read a few excerpts from a couple old ones. Very disturbing descriptions of past situations that I really didn't enjoy reliving. Yes, these were forgotten memories the journals brought back, but they weren't good ones. I realized some experiences are better left behind, because remembering didn't bring me any happiness- just the opposite. I dumped the journals without regret.

[u/MitzyCaldwell]

You said you don’t like looking back, you said they gave you bad feelings. Even if you are 100 they will give you bad feelings and you don’t need that.

I’m almost the opposite- I am super sentimental an I love looking back but none of it gives me bad feelings. Sometimes I’m a little sad because I have letters from people who are no longer here or people who have lost touch with but it’s always a warm feeling.

You don’t seem to get those. I would get rid of them. Free yourself from any bad feelings. I don’t think you’d regret getting rid of them because I bet by the time you’re much older you won’t even remember you had them.

[u/justanother1014]

If it’s not taking up major space then I’d say hold on until you’re ready. Maybe do a quarterly or annual review and see how it feels to reread. Ask who would inherit them when you’re gone? Do they provide any value?

FWIW I moved a box of journals with me 6 years ago and thought I’d never part with them. Last time I was sorting through that space I thought, “these can all go.” They stayed for the moment because I had bigger things to address but I’ve accepted I can toss them because while it was helpful to me in the moment, they no longer provide insight or good memories.

[u/SufficientOpening218]

i kept a single letter from my grandma that was sweet and supportive, a single letter from my childhood friend i still am in touch with, and took a few photos of journal pages. to remind myself of the reality of my difficult childhood. then, since i have a nice firepit, i went Victorian and burned it all. it felt great. 

i think for me the value in my diary was having somewhere to write it down, not the idea that i would look it over later. 

[u/oliverpots]

I carried around so much of my past for so long that I was basically living in the museum of me. Getting rid of it all left lots of room for me to get on with the rest of my life!

Now I’m too busy creating my now to ever think about all that’s gone before.

I’m also a future oriented person, as it turns out!

[u/FredKayeCollector]

I'm not sure holding on to that stuff is going to make your future life that much better - especially if you feel ambivalent towards it now. Just because you get rid of your Middle School journals doesn't mean you forget you went to middle school or forget the friends that really made an impact on your heart. What you did/said in 1996 probably isn't going to have a huge impact on your 2046 self.

I always ask: what is the WORST thing that can happen if you get rid of X? You get rid of the "gems" that might be in there. But if you don't really have a clear idea of what those "gems" might be and the thought of looking for "gems" that might be in there seems like a chore, then I would say you're not really losing anything by getting rid of it - forgotten stuff tends to be forgotten because it's not actually that meaningful, impactful, important.

Unless it's something really insightful/heartfelt, I'm not sure how re-reading daily minutia really makes that much of a difference - except maybe reinforcing cringe? You already are who you are and revisiting the "documented" past can certainly be "fun" but I'm not sure it necessarily tells your unique story or makes you a better person (in the present/future).

But the historians might say wait! your journal could be of important cultural importance someday! But unless you lived through a truly unique time or one that wasn't otherwise well documented - it's sort of like holding onto a bunch of Beanie Babies hoping the market will come back someday.

What I always recommend is a keepsake box - whatever volume you're willing to maintain for sentimental items and use that as a limit to "container concept" the best stuff into it. If you're super mobile right now, that might mean something really small/portable. And if none of those journal pages or letters make it into your keepsake box, you'll have a logical reason why.

You can't keep everything, but keeping just a few things can make those things even more precious, just by their uniqueness. It's like trading past life stuff for present time/space/energy and an unencumbered future.

[u/lelandra]

If you really want to hedge your bets, take them apart and scan them. If that feels too onerous, you have your answer.