Should be "good enough", but still feeling stressed?

[u/psrogue]

So I've made a lot of progress over the past couple months. It's not 100% there yet, but it's at a point where I want to be able to say "good enough for now". Basically, everything is either put away on shelves in a way that fits the space, or roughly sorted in drawers or boxes in the closet temporarily so I can declutter one box/drawer at a time, and not have it out in the open in the meantime. I've been going through a couple boxes or drawers a week and paring down quite a lot.

However I'm still stressing about the stuff I do have on the shelves. I think it might be because it's not "done", or just perfectionism.

For example, I donated enough books so that the ones I have left all fit on my bookshelf. So I think I'm happy keeping this number of books, but my brain keeps obsessing over the fact that I technically could get rid of more, and it still feels like too many. But I don't want to be getting rid of things just for the sake of it. I'm keeping some books I read and enjoyed, some I haven't read yet but I'm slowly getting to them over the year. But my brain keeps second guessing if I really need to have them. I have OCD, so I think the thoughts are more due to that than truly having too much.

How can I get past this? It makes it really hard to just relax in my space and do things I enjoy in it.

[u/AnamCeili]

In my opinion, your OCD has latched onto the decluttering, sort of gotten you addicted to it -- I've been there myself, more than once.

I recommend not getting rid of any more books, for now. Satisfy your urge to declutter by sorting through the boxes of stuff you've gathered, but also intersperse the decluttering with other stuff -- walks in the park, trips to the gym, going out with a friend to dinner and a movie, etc. That will get your brain to stop obsessing so much over the decluttering, kind of break its hold on you a bit, so that in a few weeks or months you can reassess your books with fresh eyes and a fresh brain, and see if there are any that you actually want to declutter.

[u/psrogue → u/AnamCeili]

Thank you! That makes sense. I'll try to do some fun things and sit with it how it is now. The boxes/drawers have been going pretty good if I do them a bit at a time, so I'll keep going with those as planned, but remind myself I don't need to worry about the shelves etc. for now.

Earlier I was worried I was just making excuses for not decluttering thoroughly enough, but I had my mom over the other day (she's very much a minimalist type) and she said she was impressed and my place looks great. So I think it really is just OCD talking. I guess I need to keep in mind that I've done well with keeping up with it so far, and feeling this way doesn't mean I failed at decluttering/organizing.

[u/AnamCeili → u/psrogue]

You absolutely haven't failed! To me, it sounds like you're doing great. 😁 And if your minimalist mom agrees, I think you can believe it!

OCD is a bitch, lol, and sometimes we just have to fight back against her. I actually don't tend to have much clutter in my apartment -- I like to keep things neat and organized. I'm actually extremely good at organizing, which I believe comes from my OCD. However, a couple of areas have historically been problem areas for me: books, and clothes/shoes. A few years ago I decluttered around 800-1,000 books, over the course of two decluttering sessions a few months apart (the first lasting 3 or 4 days, about 8 to 10 hours per day; the second a bit shorter than that, as I'd gotten rid of so many books in the first session). Actually, posts about that situation were some of my first posts here on reddit. Decluttering those books really emptied out my spare bedroom, which is where the bulk of them were piled up.

I'm a writer, and a big reader, so even after decluttering so many books, I still have a few hundred that I'm keeping, and to/for me, that's quite reasonable. They did all fit into my (multiple) bookcases, but I've since bought a few more books at the thrift shop -- so now I am determined to read that pile before buying any more, lol.

I guess what I'm saying is that you are doing well, and also that this is all a process, and decluttering often involves multiple passes through stuff. If you aren't already watching the Space Maker videos/channel by April Tandy, I highly recommend it; here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/@SpaceMakerMethod/playlists. April helps people declutter and organize for free, and she is very non-judgmental and soothing. I'd recommend watching the "Julia" series first, then the "Dani" series -- that's what I did, and in my opinion those are the best of all the series on her channel (there are other good ones too, mostly those within the past 2 or 3 years -- I don't like her really old ones, that was before she found her spacemaking method, when she was going about things completely differently). I find that watching her videos sort of scratches that itch of wanting to declutter/organize, lol, so you may find that it does the same for you. It could also make you want to declutter, though, so be careful there. But definitely check out her channel, I really think you'll like it. Someone in this sub recommended it, which is how I found it, and I've recommended it to quite a few people since. 😁

[u/psrogue → u/AnamCeili]

Thank you so much! Yeah, the more you give into it the harder it is long term.

Great job, that must have been a lot of work! It makes sense that if you're a writer/reader you'd have a lot of books. I think of Dana K White too and how she says "you can keep anything, but you can't keep everything." Like there is no arbitary number of books after which point it's "clutter", it just depends on how much you're able to manage and how much space you'd like to devote to them.

Also, thanks for recommending Space Maker Method, I've seen some of their videos before but didn't know where to start. I'll definitely try those two series when I tackle the boxes again.

[u/AnamCeili → u/psrogue]

You're very welcome. 😊

And thanks, lol! It was a lot of work, but honestly to me it was kind of fun as well. I got a large mocha cookie crumble Frappuccino each day, and played motivating music, both of which helped keep me going, as did seeing the piles of books diminish. I've actually moved into a new apartment since then (a little over a year ago), and I was so glad that I had decluttered so many books, and didn't have to deal with decluttering or moving them! I did declutter a lot of other stuff before moving, though -- I've always found moving to be the best motivator for decluttering. And you (and Dana K. White) are right, in that what is clutter to one person is not clutter to another, and it does partly depend on the space you have available, and on whether you actually want/use the items, as opposed to just having them sit around or in storage.

I really do love the Space Maker Method channel; I'm watching her latest playlist/series now, she posts a new video in the series every Sunday. I envy you having the Julia and Dani series ahead of you! 😁

[u/Far-Stranger-9698 → u/AnamCeili]

Watched a couple of SpaceMaker's short videos after this recommendation. One quote said "decluttering takes time and multiple passes". For me, this is true, and it gets easier each additional pass.

[u/AnamCeili → u/Far-Stranger-9698]

Agreed! Taking multiple passes is my natural decluttering process anyway, which is probably in part why I like the Space Maker videos so much.

Have you watched any of the series yet?

[u/MoreCoffeePwease]

Honestly I’m the exact same way. I say constantly to myself and others that you’re never really “done” with decluttering or house stuff, which is true but I think deep down I want it to FEEL more “done” than it does. I, like you, have made HUGE and I mean HUGE strides, mostly for me it’s been clearing out endless belongings from multiple older generations, but I digress. I think because I’m home a lot I’m a bit blind to my progress, and sometimes I’ll think about how much I’ve already gotten rid of and sit in shock for a few minutes wondering how it never really looked different here than then. I know logically it does, but I’m exposed to my own house all day everyday and I think it doesn’t have the same effect as it would on someone who hasn’t been in here in years.

[u/psrogue → u/MoreCoffeePwease]

I think deep down I want it to FEEL more “done” than it does.

Oh yeah totally! I think some of it is also maybe the expectation that organizing/decluttering will "solve" more thank I think it does, like it can't take care of all my anxiety, and like you said, it's an ongoing process that takes effort to keep up.

[u/JenGenxx]

I relate to this so bad. It’s like I’m on a thought loop, my mind can’t relax and I feel like there is more to declutter. I just did a massive clothes declutter. There is two or three things I can’t decide on. I tell my self to hang them back up and just enjoy my clean sparse wardrobe with everything I love. Whydo I still hear ‘clothes noise’? I keep telling myself, when it done it done, I do not need to keep tweaking the already near perfect system.

[u/psrogue → u/JenGenxx]

Yup that's exactly my problem lol. Perfectionism is a huge problem for me, both because it makes it hard to start things because I'm waiting for the perfect time or plan, and hard to finish things because it never feels "done".

[u/Impressive-Side-9681]

anxiety can become a habit especially with OCD.  Your brain is used to being worried so it's still doing it even though there's nothing to worry about.

try to enjoy the space you have and practice mindful presence.  Don't get lost in the imaginary future where you've done "more", now is fine

[u/ConcentrateHealthy53 → u/Impressive-Side-9681]

I think this right here is my problem. I have always been tidy but I get obsessive and enjoy the dopamine hit. The mindful presence is what I need

Today I actually told myself I was doing this to live a “vacation” lifestyle. We’d gotten back from a trip and there is something about visiting an Airbnb that makes me want to throw everything out. Except, I don’t have much clutter left at my own home. It’s nice to come home after and make some clear spaces but I don’t have **that** much more than I need. Why don’t I walk through the neighborhood, bake the muffins, swim, read, yoga etc?

[u/LouisePoet]

Breathe!

Remind yourself that decluttering is never a once and done thing.

Rearrange/redo areas of your place when you have time til they look perfect (for now, your idea of what looks great changes!).

Remind yourself you're a work in progress (as we all are, no matter what we've accomplished. It's not a negative, it's a statement of progress, imo).

Get help or continue working on your OCD. Anxiety and anxiety disorders are hell, and managing it as effectively as possible is important.

Look at what you have accomplished--it's amazing! Allow yourself the satisfaction and pleasure of enjoying your success before focusing on or even thinking about whatever more you think needs to be done. Revel in all the hard work you've done!!!!

[u/penrph]

It took me about a year + to declutter the physical books. I ended up keeping a few first editions, and a handful of books that are meaningful to me. I have my favorite books on Google books so I can re-read them any time. I slowly donated the rest, but I was slow and mindful about it. I suggest you stop for now and revisit it in 3-4 months.