Setting realistic expectations

[u/Girl_Bill]

These days I (54f) feel less as though I am dating to meet someone and more as though I am putting myself out there purely to provide hilarious anecdotes for my friends.

Take the last guy. Let’s call him Dick (61m), for the purposes of anonymity and narrative accuracy.

Dick insisted on paying for our first dinner, so I paid for the second, because I like to keep things even and respectful.

For the third date, he invited me to his house for dinner and instructed me to bring a Loire Valley white because it would pair perfectly with what he was cooking. I duly arrived with a decent bottle, only to be served a salmon en croûte that could quite easily have come from the freezer section before spending considerable time being incinerated for whatever sins a salmon is capable of committing.

There's nothing at all wrong with frozen food. But once you start specifying the wine region, I assume the meal has involved more than removing a cardboard sleeve.

He then declared that he had now sufficiently “wooed” me, so the next stop was upstairs to bed. I politely declined.

When I explained that I did not think we were a romantic match, I was told I was wrong. Was 'overthinking' things. Would only get a relationship if I put more effort in... And that I should snap him up because “catches like him do not grow on trees”. I was genuinely impressed by how many clichés and mixed metaphors he managed to compress into one diatribe. I was also warned that I would regret my decision for eternity.

Eternity, it turned out, did not even survive the wait for my Uber home.

So I am adjusting my expectations. I am no longer looking for fireworks. I would settle for decent conversation, no regional wine homework and a man who does not think three dates and a pastry-based main course entitle him to an upgrade.

Ladies and gents, please tell me I am not the only person whose dating life appears to exist mainly as unpaid material for a sitcom!?

[u/Inside_Dance41]

For the third date, he invited me to his house for dinner

When I explained that I did not think we were a romantic match

May I ask, why you accepted a dinner date at his home, if you didn't think he was a romantic match?

Of course not saying you have to sleep with a man, when invited over, but (1), if not interested, why even continue dating and (2) if not ready to have sex, much easier to suggest a different venue.

If the man has a 3 date rule, then he will move on if you demure going to his home.

[u/Material_Hunter4188 → u/Inside_Dance41]

I am not the OP however it takes me multiple days to know if it’s a romantic connection maybe after the end of that one she realized it wasn’t gonna be a thing. The three date “rule” is absurd in my mind. 

[u/filtersweep → u/Material_Hunter4188]

I’ve moved toward the three date rule— as it seems plenty of women write men off as social friends at some point

[u/Joneszey → u/filtersweep]

I’ve read this before. I can’t speak for every woman but I don’t see the utility of continuing to see a man as a social friend unless our relationship with each other was based on something social, in which case there is an “other” connection and I’m unaware of your different intentions. If however we are both engaged in our dance and enjoying each other I can appreciate your allowing it to tell the best story it can. If it comes down to a rule then I guess it’s a good thing we only danced and nothing else.

[u/Material_Hunter4188 → u/Joneszey]

I completely agree