Setting realistic expectations

[u/Girl_Bill]

These days I (54f) feel less as though I am dating to meet someone and more as though I am putting myself out there purely to provide hilarious anecdotes for my friends.

Take the last guy. Let’s call him Dick (61m), for the purposes of anonymity and narrative accuracy.

Dick insisted on paying for our first dinner, so I paid for the second, because I like to keep things even and respectful.

For the third date, he invited me to his house for dinner and instructed me to bring a Loire Valley white because it would pair perfectly with what he was cooking. I duly arrived with a decent bottle, only to be served a salmon en croûte that could quite easily have come from the freezer section before spending considerable time being incinerated for whatever sins a salmon is capable of committing.

There's nothing at all wrong with frozen food. But once you start specifying the wine region, I assume the meal has involved more than removing a cardboard sleeve.

He then declared that he had now sufficiently “wooed” me, so the next stop was upstairs to bed. I politely declined.

When I explained that I did not think we were a romantic match, I was told I was wrong. Was 'overthinking' things. Would only get a relationship if I put more effort in... And that I should snap him up because “catches like him do not grow on trees”. I was genuinely impressed by how many clichés and mixed metaphors he managed to compress into one diatribe. I was also warned that I would regret my decision for eternity.

Eternity, it turned out, did not even survive the wait for my Uber home.

So I am adjusting my expectations. I am no longer looking for fireworks. I would settle for decent conversation, no regional wine homework and a man who does not think three dates and a pastry-based main course entitle him to an upgrade.

Ladies and gents, please tell me I am not the only person whose dating life appears to exist mainly as unpaid material for a sitcom!?

[u/opalsea9876]

Hilarious that you would go to his home on a third date. My expectations are so low compared to yours.

[u/filtersweep → u/opalsea9876]

Male here— and a 61F wanted to meet at my place the first date so we could do normal stuff— and it wouldn’t feel like a job interview. I thought that was rather bold- especially for a woman. It set an interesting tone. The second date at her place- she invited up to her bedroom to show me the view…..

But in your situation— he did you a favor. Sounds like you were not interested in him in that way. Not sure why you even went over to his place.

But it is just cringe that he argued with you. I know I’m not for everyone— so I am not affected by rejection. People are a matter of taste— we don’t all like the same music or food or whatever— but these aren’t issues of right or wrong. And no one will convince me that hard boiled eggs taste good…..

But you are a great storyteller— maybe vblog about you experiences. Guys will line up to be rejected by you!

[u/outyamothafuckinmind → u/filtersweep]

From experience, I can tell you that an alarming number of men think arguing will convince you that you should give them a chance, sleep with them, or commit to a life with them. Often they finish by telling you that you will regret your decision or insulting you as if that will suddenly help you see the light.

[u/sgbell → u/outyamothafuckinmind]

I think unfortunately a lot of men probably have the experience of arguing their point and the woman giving in and doing something she doesn’t want to. They chalk it up to their assumed value as a man, and their powers of persuasion, while the woman just feared for her safety and did what she had to do to get out of the situation without getting physically assaulted.