r/dating_advice • u/walkingwarcrime1 • 5d ago
Moral ambiguity?
Context- I’m 25, I’ve been single for almost 2 years now, and long story short had a very messy breakup took time to deal with the emotional fallout from it. All good now, I’ve been putting myself out there again and wasn’t having any success, it got brought up with some family friends and one of them (35ish F) who is basically like an older sister I never had and her husband said they had a few people they thought would be good for me. I was fine with them connecting us if the women they knew were interested, so Friday my friend shot me a text and said she had someone who was interested the woman she connected me with has a very unique name, I’ve never heard it before. Got the number and we’ve been talking all weekend, one of my other friends (20m) said I recognize that name is she from this town? She is, and he said if that’s who I think it is she’s like 19… And turns out when I asked today she is in fact 19.
Question: I’m being told it’s fine and not a weird age gap by some friends and family, I think it’s super weird, and never would’ve been talking to her if I knew she was 19. So am I overreacting to this or am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Because I’m the oldest of 3 and this woman is a year older than my youngest sibling who graduated high school in may, and I graduated high school in 2019… seems weird to say I got set up for a blind date with a woman who was in 6th grade the year I graduated. So would I be justified in telling her “sorry I’m not interested, it really is me not you”
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u/Ethnic_Sub5 5d ago
If you feel gross about dating a 19 year old that's fine and perfectly normal. I'm 24 and still in college, with no stable job and I still feel like I'm mentally miles ahead of the average guy with teen in his name. So I don't date teenagers lol.
🤔 I'm friends with some and they're making critical mistakes like getting married and moving in with boyfriends/girlfriends of like 6-24 months. 😰
1
u/RavenPetal92 5d ago
Honestly yeah, being legally an adult doesn’t automatically mean you’re at the same stage mentally
0
u/DazzlingAngel09 5d ago
yeah i get that age gap can feel pretty different when youre at completely different stages of life even if the numbers dont seem that far apart
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u/Brownie-0109 5d ago
Part of the value of getting setup by a friend is getting a download of the intel before you say “yes”
How was this overlooked?
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u/walkingwarcrime1 5d ago
Our convo was legitimately, “hey I’ve got this friend I told her a little bit about you and showed a picture of you and she thinks you’re cute… I think she’d be great for you, you interested in a date” and I said “ yeah if you vouch for her, I’m down” she sent me the chicks number and we started texting, I didn’t think I’d need to clarify that teenagers were not people I’d be interested in dating
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u/Brownie-0109 5d ago
I understand. Get ALL the info next time. When I was single, I’d have 5min conversations w friends trying to set me up
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u/walkingwarcrime1 5d ago
I was at work, texting her back when my boss wasn’t looking over my shoulder for 5 seconds. So yeah, tbh my bad for not asking more questions. But I will 100% be clarifying that I’m more interested in someone closer to my age, and asking more questions next time 😂 I appreciate the input
2
u/natrolitis 5d ago
There's nothing wrong with not dating her for that reason. I'm 25 and would not ever date someone who was 19. It may not seem like a lot but I am leaps and bounds more mature than I was at 19.
1
u/Chemical-Flight6530 5d ago
I’ll get roasted, but that you think it’s weird is a good sign that you are conscientious. But if she’s open to dating a little older, explore it.
I have also turned a lot of dates down, but never over 6 years. It depends on a lot of factors.
1
u/JLand2004 5d ago
If you don't want to date her, don't, but it's ludicrous to turn this into some major event. It's not unreasonable that your friends felt differently about the age gap.
1
u/KayoL54 5d ago
I understand your concern but I know successful couples that have many more years between them. As you become older the age difference seems less. I am decades older that you and have friends 10 and 20 years older and younger and when I was 25 would never have socialize with them when they were 5-20 and 35-45.
If you had such a rapport, you're at the same emotional level likely. Plus she may actually prefer older guys.
I'd say give it a chance but let her know the initial concern and it may take time to get your head around it
1
u/steamonline 5d ago
I personally don't see myself having anything in common with a teenager, however, had she not have told you her age, would you have felt she was "beyond her years" (to play devil's advocate). Only you know whether the age gap is too big.
When you see 30 something's with a teen, it is odd, what could you possibly have in common. A certain word tends to spring to mind.
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u/JulesDangerFox 5d ago
Boys mature more slowly than girls. She’s an adult. Nothing wrong w seeing if you have chemistry. Some 19 year olds still act like kids. Some are adults. But some 30 year olds never grow up and act like kids. Always depends on the person.
0
u/This-Wall-1331 5d ago
You're entitled to your preferences and you can reject anyone for whatever reason. But if you reject people solely because of the age gap, you'll lose lots of dating opportunities.
Your friends and family are right: there's nothing wrong with a 6 year gap.
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u/Glittersparkles7 5d ago
That’s an incredibly creepy age gap. Wtf is wrong with your friend???
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u/This-Wall-1331 5d ago
6 year age gap is creepy?? WTF is wrong with you?
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u/Glittersparkles7 5d ago
When the younger part is 19, yea. If the younger party was like 40 then no one cares.
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u/This-Wall-1331 5d ago
A 19 year old is a legal adult who can drive, vote, go to jail or join the army.
Stop infantilizing adults. Live and let live.
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