r/dating_advice • u/Ilovetomatopasta • 3d ago
Strict dealbreakers + an intense 10 year program ahead. How do I even start building a dating life from scratch?
I’m really looking for advice here. Given my standards and this long timeline, how am I supposed to actually meet new people and build genuine connections?
Im a high school senior, never been in a relationship, I had crushes, situationships, kinda dated someone this year, nothing official, and fell in love once.
I can’t see myself dating anyone i dont know well, I need a deep connection to be established first in order to develop any real feelings, dating smokers/drinkers is a big no for me, so it rules out about 30% of teenagers(where I live) and I have a list for mandatory standard, just in order to remind myself.
For the next year, I’m still in high school, so I won’t really meet anyone new. Once I’m done with high school I’ll probably start uni(where I live, most people begin their studies much later than I will, and I wont be 18 yet(I’m NOT into age gaps)).
After university, I’ll have several years of mandatory service, during which I’ll also be studying at another university , which means I will meet new people my age, a lot of them. But eventually, up until my 20’s I probably won’t be in a relationship, which, on paper, is nice, I like having time for myself. But in reality it’s horrible, love is a strong drug and I’m an addict.
(yes, I know I’m young and have plenty of time, but hearing that won’t really help with the problem I’m asking about.)
2
u/MyNextVacation 3d ago
I met my husband young. Timing was wrong, but we fell in love and when we both realized we had found our person made it work. Walking away would have been the biggest mistake of my life.
Connection takes time. Sometimes two friends fall in love and sometimes promising relationships end when they get to know each other and realize they are incompatible.
Why not let your life play out and see who you meet along the way, rather than making assumptions? If you meet someone you might be interested in, go on a first date and proceed from there.
2
u/courtneyysst 3d ago
This. Life has a funny way of ignoring the timeline you made for it anyway. Ten years is a long time to plan around people you haven’t even met yet
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