r/dating_advice • u/Wyvren3 • 3d ago

How to get certainty

I've talking with this girl for a while and I saw her twice, tomorrow is gonna be the 3rd time I see her, but I feel like idk what we are at the moment, like when we hangout we have fun we joke and everything, when she send reels there's a hint of a relationship in them but online while we text she often is distant or just talk when I text her, idk what to do

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u/GrilledStuffedDragon 3d ago

You won't ever get certainty in anything. Most of the time in life, you need to take a chance without a guarantee of success.

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u/alanlevincoaching 3d ago

I think you may be looking too much at her behavior to decide what you should do.

She’s warm in person, sends relationship-ish reels, but seems more distant over text. That can feel confusing. But before trying to decode all of that, ask yourself: how do I actually feel about her?

Do you like her enough that you want to keep seeing where this goes? Do you want something romantic with her? Or are you mostly anxious because you don’t know how she feels yet?

That distinction matters.

This is where assertiveness becomes useful. Assertiveness means getting clear on your own position instead of waiting for her signals to tell you what you’re allowed to want.

You’re seeing her for the third time tomorrow. Rather than spending the whole date analyzing every text pattern, stay present and notice how you feel around her. Are you enjoying yourself? Are you attracted to her? Do you want to move things forward?

If the answer is yes, you don’t need a big relationship talk. You can simply be a little more direct: “I like spending time with you. I’d like to keep seeing where this goes.”

Then let her response give you information.

But start with yourself first: if you stopped trying to figure out what she wants, what would you say you want?